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March 28, 2024, 10:56:48 AM

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Celebrities doing things in places.

Started by Glebe, January 28, 2019, 02:36:46 AM

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Glebe

Historian and presenter Kate Williams challenges Ralph Fiennes to a fight outside a Camden pub.

rasta-spouse

Cedric the Entertainer angrily throws an unfinished Rubik's Cube into the River Avon.


Lionel Blair tries to make a Pegasus by stapling two seagulls to the back of a donkey in Hornsea.

Glebe

Quote from: Prison Biscuits on March 03, 2019, 09:27:41 AMLionel Blair tries to make a Pegasus by stapling two seagulls to the back of a donkey in Hornsea.

That's what I want to hear.

Willy Wonka dwarf Rusty Goffe spends an afternoon in Shoreditch pushing haricots into a wall.

ToneLa

Cat Deeley followin a bloke home in Beeston shouting after him "Buy cigarettes! Take out a loan! Gamble! Cheat on your wife!" and he's nervous cause it's been goin on a wee while already now so starts to jog a little with a bag of heavy shoppin in each hand jiggling and she's still thair so he starts to run but Cat Deeley floats right behind him, her feet not even touching the groond: "PLAY THE LOTTERY! GET A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY!" and the poor felly starts runnin but lovely Cat Deeley is keepin pace with him and screamin into the poor cunt's ear: "YOU'RE FUCKIN USELESS! GET ANOTHER CREDIT CARD! PINPRICK ALL YOUR CONDOMS! PUNCH A FUCKING STRANGER AND GET PRIVATE HEALTHCARE!" and the fella's runnin and runnin with his shopping, and one bag splits and hovering Cat Deeley is shouting-screaming mercantile exhortations at this poor felly as his Rustlers Hot Dog spanners into the road and his tin ay Hunger Breaks Breakfast in a Can tumbles oot and kills a slug for the record, but he dare not look back and acknowledge his loss of shopping because there is Cat fucking Deeley chasing him, hovering, her gaping maw pouring vile commercial abuse into him until he's harried into a skip in Beeston in a yard with a sign saying CAPITALISM and her hair is perfect all the while because she's lovely, Cat Deeley.

ToneLa

#125
Subha Nagalakshmi Munchetty-Chendriah on a bench in the park in Chew Magma setting fire to the Morning Star

ToneLa

Ricky Gervais goes for a jog in the park until he feels sick and stops to catch his breath only oh no! He's stopped by the kids' playground, hunched breathing heavily, gasping and sweating facing the children! "Oi, fuck off, nonce", offers a helpful father

ToneLa

Ant does Dec in in Lymm then does one

rasta-spouse

Camila Batmanghelidjh rides a tricycle over the Cerne Abbas Giant overwhelmed by thoughts of her cousin.


Glebe

Coolio pampers a hedgehog near Bromley.

Ferris

Tony Robinson has a lovely time at Chessington World of Adventures.

Glebe

Wayne Rooney polishes off a full Terry's Chocolate Orange near Dunbarton.

rasta-spouse

Martin Kemp makes up a pathetic excuse to avoid an acquaintance's funeral and sits in his Islington hotel room watching Peter's Friends on blu-ray.


MidnightShambler

Monty Don has a panic attack in a hotel room in Malta and can't go outside for two days

Nicholas Witchell jaywalking in Ipswich

Glebe

Jenna Coleman wins a fiver on a scratch card in Nantucket.

Gordon Brown dresses up as The Burger King, and, even more inexplicably, starts singing The Style Council's 'Shout to the Top'. At Hampton Court.

Rory Bremner stages a fishing contest in Dubrovnik. Gary Wilmot catches a giant roach and wins the day!

Usain Bolt ties fifteen shrews to a life buoy off the coast of Chile.

ToneLa

a celebrity who almost certainly would press charges against me revealing, here technically in public, that she exposed herself up against the wall of a SuperDrug with a steady stream of cloudy urine and, I'd rather polite society not let it pass without mention, a rather finely-honed exquisite pronunciation of swearwords you'd nary expect from a CBBTV presenter who nontheless seemed all-too-faded and worry-wrought and overwrought and used to these sort of Snapchat sensations arising without authorisation of her media, so I said sorry, love, and made myself feel a bit sad that I've completely fucking imagined some sort of half-cocked story aboot someone who probably does exist with loads of money and fame who is more than welcome to inbox me for a private chat

ToneLa

Tara Palmer-Tomkinson discussing her net worth with Tara Reid via some cockney rhyming slang whilst enjoying cocaine in, say, the ladies' bogs of a frankly trifling but decently-furnished pub just ootside of Minford where their secret lesbian debauchery parties go on in someone else's 1990s past

ToneLa

I met Michael Portillo seeming a right fuckin Tory bellend in front of the House of Commons of all places. I mean, isn't that where you'd expected him most to dial it in a bit??

ToneLa

#138
When I wasn't literally choking on the fucking irony that I wasn't, for one strangulating moment, listening to the poundin fuckin rain through my broken sheet reef wondering if it wasn't an actual police helicopter bringing fucking London ruffians up here to see who else they could be getting their stab on wi', then, needless to say, I was in BrewDog Soho!  ©

Also if you go in it would be fuckin great if you downplay any related association with my username but not too much you get me. Just ask to see the management no matter what, insist, no big deal they've got a proper nice office out back that will sell you quaaludes (I know man wtf?? Some hooded geezer properly offered to help me Polanski this other gentleman he'd not yet met or he'd Sharon Tate my fuckin gay ass and I didn't ask then so don't think I'm gonna tell yet). Don't take no for an answer man I got your back, and pass these fist-bumps up into your sister - literally - head of our government. Do explain that's satire if anyone stops you, we got some sort of thing going that manifested over a bagel in some fuckin Bakerloo what do I look like? An A-Z of London sidewalks to you? -  and God do I want to end it in and leave this place.

Look, here's the signature from her estate         













- Signed,
Some day I just want to be a crass parent to make my kid embarrassed. But you must have spotted the fact it was an ironic rap ages ago you fucking muppet although

ToneLa

Future Channel 5 news celebrity Tone La becomes briefly famous due to his macabre home made snuff video where he reads back on his own posts later and, it isn't undeserved you have to say, takes his life in some kind of post-Roger Rabbit cartooney anvil-on-head sequence replete with cartoon eyes whilst in an animated automobile and also Jessica Rabbit is blowing him which also satisfies the celebrity element and explains the prior accident and appearance on Channel 5 news

rasta-spouse

Rory McGrath lets a bigot's views go unchallenged at a tupperware party in Bath, the JCB Song is playing in the background


Glebe

Richard Dawkins enjoys a Thomas & Friends marathon in a B&B in Swansea.

Martin Sixsmith consumes a King Size Mars near Coventry.

Delia Smith consecrates the graves of a group of squirrels in Havering.

John Oliver designs his own brand of tea in a hanger outside Malibu.

Tamsin Greig regrets taping over some episodes of Hi-de-Hi! belonging to her Uncle in Shoreditch.

Robert Mueller plays pat-a-cake with a disenfranchised tramp in Michigan.

MidnightShambler

George Alagiah tutting loudly at sitting down and realising he's brought two forks into the living room to eat his tea with in Chelsea

Elvis Costello hoovering up a nail and becoming worried in Peterborough

rasta-spouse

Mutya from the Sugarbabes operates a noisy unlubricated lathe in Tilbury, she whispers to God, "Ever since Tim Peake went into Space I've been absolutely furious".


Glebe

Huw Edwards sings Marillion's 'Kayleigh' in Welsh whilst trundling along on a unicycle through Machu Picchu.

Jilly Goolden translates a mysterious ancient text into plain English in a minaret in Hove.

Matt Baker convinces a parsnip he's made of textile materials in a supermarket in Southend.

Khloé Kardashian Blu Tacks a carrot to an apricot in Rimini.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!

It's 4 in the morning and David Baddiel is pressing your door buzzer.

"I can't sleeeeep" he whinges through the intercom.

Fuck off, David Baddiel. It's 4 a.m. you cain't come in!
No one answers the door at 4. NO ONE. It's the RULES.
You go back to bed, leave Baddiel alone, cold, standing outside in the dark.
He looks around, despondent.

"Three l-lions on a shirt..."

non capisco

Deepak Verma who used to play Sanjay in Eastenders five tins deep into a six for £6 Grolsch deal shouting ragged throated abuse at a monkey hut at Port Lympne Safari Park. Six times he's been here now and not so much as a glimpse of the cunts. Twice would be bad luck, six is FUCKING DELIBERATE.

ToneLa

Mary Nightingale outside the Day Lewis Pharmacy in Bodmin hurling a blue stream of racial epithets at Orion's Belt

ToneLa

Russell Grant loitering in that little shop next to Chester Bus Station that sells K cider looking at the reduced sandwiches

rasta-spouse

Rory Bremner opens a compost bin in Canterbury and says to a red-haired child wearing pyjamas, "no courgettes this year, son".