Celebrities doing things in places.

[Mr Eggs]

Danbert Nobacon selling bogus sheer pins for Tirfor winches at Beeston market.

[Glebe]

John Humphreys climbs to the top of a telegraph pole in Bristol and screams, "WAKANDA FOREVER!"

Mark Kermode twangs an armadillo off the side of a moving truck in Ulverston.

"Chaka Khan let me love yah let me love yah Chaka Khan let me love yah it's all I wanna do," chants Daniel O' Donnell inside a shipping container in Donegal.

Elsewhere, Kay Burley knits a gerbil atop the Angel of the North.

[Dex Sawash]

Noel Fielding appears in 3 threads

[Prison Biscuits]

Noel Fielding sticks pins in his scalp and goes around the streets of Hackney tapping people on the arm saying "ey, ey, look, I'm a cenobite, ey, mate, a cenobite, look"

[Glebe]

"Everyone's a fruit and nutcase," Richard Osman whispers to himself beneath a duvet in Fife.

Mark Wahlberg is in Hanoi, teaching backgammon to a dragonfly.

To Bali, now, where Les Dennis is describing veal to a dessicated antelope.

And lastly, we take a brief trip to Antarctica, where Jessica Hynes is dismantling a word processor using only a carrot.

[rasta-spouse]

Chris Benoit finds a Neanderthal femur while punching the ground at John O'Groats.

[Ray Travez]

Terry Waite awes villagers with tales of a giant crow that can grant wishes, Bellerby Green.

[Glebe]

Peter Snow dresses up as a wizard and dances around Epping Forest to the sound of The Associates 'Party Fears Two'.

Roseanne Barr throws a stale Double Decker bar off the side of Cromer Pier. It hits a seagull and skims up the side of an embankment.

Christian Slater ties a gander to the side of a petrol tank in Armenia.

Russell Grant reads some tea leaves in a cove on Alcatraz.

[rasta-spouse]

Clare Grogan buys her friends personalised pool cues to be distributed at Clapton's Stonehenge party, their wan faces twitch as they realise she's puckishly coated them in birdlime.

[Lord Mandrake]

DJ Jazzy Jeff walking aimlessly up and down Talgarth rd.

[rasta-spouse]

Russell Kane getting some leaflets printed about a missing cat at Barnet Rymans. Tomorrow he'll post them through letterboxes in the neighbourhood with Flohio banging on his ipod.

[Gregory Torso]

"WHAT IN THE BUMMING ARSING TADERGY BOLLOCKS ARE YOU GUTTERING ON ABOUT, GIRL?" Stephen Fry screams at a waitress on a floating tiki bar in the Gulf of Aden.

[Ray Travez]

Noel Edmonds speaks soothingly to an earthworm, in a field just outside Polegate.

[rasta-spouse]

Macy Gray getting some lab coats starched off the Seven Sisters Road.

[ToneLa]

There's that Katie Thisleton, sitting on a tree stump in Langley Burrell, and ye want to go over and say hi and wheel oot yir line about angels falling from heaven but she's whittling a stick with a big fuck-off knife and a look in her eye that screams Nope.

[Glebe]

Peter 'Paul from Ever Decreasing Circles' Egan does a wheelie on a quad bike going round a roundabout in Middlesbrough.

Jamie Foxx selects a Feast ice cream from a freezer in a cornershop in Gwynedd. He's 2p short, but the man lets him away with it.

Jay Leno crushes a mint imperial into dust during a stay in St. Petersburg.

Rory Bremner holds a 12-minute conversation with a fig branch near Colchester.

[Lord Mandrake]

Jamie Theakston is first man in as Al Shabab terrorists sieze  a Wilco in Nuneaton.

[bgmnts]

Johnny Depp seduces a local in Portsmouth.

[Glebe]

Sue Holderness attends a zumba class in downtown Botswana.

Rachel Riley goes scuba diving in the Adriatic and encounters a mad fish.

Miles Jupp scores some heroin in a bar in Tel Aviv.

And it's in Portugal you'll find Graham Linehan, sellotaping the world's last-remaining rare otters to the edge of a kind of chair yolk.

[Glebe]

Ricky Gervais parks near Beachy Head and waits. There were three last week, it was hilarious!

Keith Lemon strangles an aardvark in a rowboat on Lake Superior.

Andrew Marr is found naked in a layby in Dudley at midnight.

Valerie Singleton repeatedly stabs a melon in anger following an argument with Floella Benjamin in a Waitrose in Suffolk.

[dex]

Vernon Kay pisses into a live toaster in a Bolton Premier Inn

[ToneLa]

Yir walking oot of yir local offy and Gaz from Supergrass is right in front of ye so you say Soz and hold the door open and he jist stands there imperiously smokin a fag, his eyes blazin.

"... I quite enjoyed that Pumping On Your Stereo", you offer quietly, yer blue cheap carrier bag (although you had a Tesco one in yir poakit yir jist already pished) rattling, the tins of K juddering as you shudder with nerves.

"You alright, Gaz from Supergrass?" you offer, tentatively. The boy is no right. Tommo telt ye but ye laughed it oaf. You look behind yirsel an the woman behind the counter is peepin over it like she knows what's comin. "Whair are the other ones?"

Gaz from Supergrass knees you in the fuckin bawls and ye tell yirsel you're gonna kill him but Gaz from Supergrass knocks you the fuck to the groond and before yir blustering, spluttered rage can even stifle yir impotent cries, his Adidas trainee is crushing yir throat.

He flicks some ash ontae yae which is ironic as I did like Ash well more than Supergrass. He kneels doon and cups yir bloated gasping face and e goes:

"you feeling All Right, cunt? Or do you reckon I'll be Caught By the Fuzz?"

He steps over yir shiftless form wi the final humiliation: a big load of greeny-sticky gob landing right on yir puss. What a start to the evening - another run in with a Britpop has-been.

Still. Goat yir K. And nowhere near as bad as when you met that Alisha. Ye ken. From the Attic.

[Glebe]

Christopher Plummer smashes a hedgehog in France.

Andy McNab throws a packet of Jersey creams into the river Po in Italy.

Victoria Pendleton describes stamp collecting to a jolly sailor in Port-au-Prince.

Bruce Forsyth continues his showbiz career in Paradise.

[Ray Travez]

Bill Oddie breaks down at a meeting of the Hampstead Ornithologist's Club and confesses that he can't tell the difference between a blue tit and a golden eagle.

[Glebe]

John Sessions indulges his pick 'n' mix habit in a Woolworths in Peckham in 1988.

Orville from Keith Harris and Orville honors his late master by building a 20ft statue of Harris out of spam in a field in County Durham.

Roisin Conaty crushes a dwarf at chess in a bunker near Prague.

Annabelle, the spooky doll from The Conjuring film franchise, enjoys a Crunchie on Solsbury Hill.

[Ray Travez]

Lionel Blair cocks a snook at a nosey badger, Bally Kilkenny.

[Mr Eggs]

Roland Gift lining up Subbuteo players into oncoming traffic in lane 1 M6 Northbound between junction 21 and 21A. Ongoing hazard. Be advised.

[Glebe]

Michael Sheen hammers a parsnip into the pavement in Saigon.

[Lord Mandrake]

Matthew Perry flings slices of salami (German, peppered) into Cheddar gorge, concluding that Italian salami is both more accurate and has a faster rate of descent.

[rasta-spouse]

Louise from Sleeper drops a thousand copies of Joe Don Baker's headshot from a helicopter over Canary Warf, "I can't let the fascists win!" she yells 500ft up in the cold morning air.