Celebrities doing things in places.

[Hey, Punk!]

Greg Davies lied about having an average sized penis, you grasp the sheets and think of CaB.

in a hotel.

[Cuellar]

Danny DeVito drives into a ditch

[Bazooka]

Alan Carr ram raids a cashpoint at the local co-op using a mobility scooter and some rope, he only gets caught when Justin Lee Collins who witness it, dobs him in.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Keith Barry, Tamworth, stars in their eyes winner 1998 as Adam Ant, fuck's a
glovebox door through a pub window.

[Glebe]

Wizbit shoots a dolphin in Kensington.

[Dr Sanchez]

Ben Shepherd has reached his Tipping point. He just ate two buttered sparrows and now thinks that he's Princess Diana. He plans to go out and about in Barnsley later to uncover some land mines.

[Glebe]

Davros gathers his dalek horde in his secret base in Ealing and tells them to enjoy the long weekend. Then he heads off for a family break in Portugal.

[Glebe]

Peter Ebdon does a sudoku in the bath... in a hotel in Bath!

[Dr Sanchez]

Sinead O'Connor just started working in a co op in Morecombe but she's confused and keeps asking where the chickens are. The daft bint only went and thought it was a coop she applied for!

[Glebe]

Fiona Bruce goes into a Marks & Sparks in Fife and purchases a new pair of women's slacks.

At a special James Bond anniversary event in Las Vegas, Sean Connery tells Timothy Dalton, "I would'nae have bothered comin' if I were you, nae fucker gives a shite about ye, yeh wee Sassenach fucker." When Dalton tells him he was born and raised in Wales, Connery remarks, "That's even worse."

David Walliams leaps out of the Adriatic, screaming, "If I'D HAVE KNOWN HOW COLD IT WAS GONNA BE, I WOULDN'T HAVE FUCKING BOTHERED, MATE!"

Nik Kershaw slams Boy George into the back of bouncy castle, Medomsley Road, Consett.

[rasta-spouse]

Charles Kennedy's boxed cremation diamond travelling in a Hertz rental car on an autobahn between Hanover and Leipzig. 

[Glebe]

Craig David drives a hovercraft into Hampton Court.

David Mitchell buys this month's National Geographic in a newsagent in Kent but drops it in a puddle and says "Fuck."

Martina Navratilova stuns a beetle with a hedge trimmer in Woburn.

Matt Baker swallows an onion in Plymouth.

[Glebe]

Basil Brush spends the day in Dover trying to buy a decent radish.

Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson plays with an old View-Master atop Ben Nevis.

Ringo Starr hurls paper cups at Roy Hodgson in a cafe in Croydon.

3rd Rock from the Sun's Kristen Johnston makes a tortoise out of discarded Bird's Eye boxes in Dubai.

[dex]

Danny DeVito drives into a ditch

Succinct and laughed.

[dex]

Piers Morgan bellows at Harry Styles in a Hoxton kebab shop "YOU WERE DRESSED LIKE A RIGHT TWAT THE OTHER NIGHT!"

Everyone knows Piers is correct.

[maybe this should have gone in the deso thread?]

[Huxleys Babkins]

Dame Maggie Smith returns a toilet seat to B&Q in Market Harborough.

Nigel Havers drives a 430 mile round trip to Salford to do a driver awareness course after getting done by a Gatso on the Eccles Old Road.

And Phillip Schofield picks up a pristine Amstrad GX4000 at a computer fair in Wimborne.

[Glebe]

Northern poet Roger McGough manufactures an elephant out of old Starbucks cups in Dorset.

Bill Oddie attempts to clear the Tower of London in one a single giant leap. He is reasonably successful.

A Louisiana-based Angela Lansbury continuously whacks a kumquat with a meat tenderizer, screaming, "IF THIS IS WHAT IT TAKES, WELL I'LL FUCKING WELL DO IT!"

Janice Street-Porter pours fifty cans of Stella down a sink in Dunstable, whispering, "Good riddance."

[dex]

Janice Street-Porter pours fifty cans of Stella down a sink in Dunstable, whispering, "Good riddance."

Beautiful.

Noel Edmunds drives to Potters Bar to buy an obsolete door handle from Jewsons.

[rasta-spouse]

Simon Pegg decides to uplift Hampstead by sneaking out after hours and polishing snail shells with a j-cloth. One night out in a leafy area he sees a goat walking on its hind legs and stops doing this completely. 

[Glebe]

Simon Pegg decides to uplift Hampstead by sneaking out after hours and polishing snail shells with a j-cloth. One night out in a leafy area he sees a goat walking on its hind legs and stops doing this completely.

'Polishing snail shells with a j-cloth' is just fabulous, but the goat lunacy is an added bonus!

[FAKE EDIT]

Roy Clarke slides down a hill in a bathtub in Holmfirth.

Abu Hamza wins a trolley dash round an Asda in Bristol.

[dex]

BBC Presenter Vicky Fritz goes around Pontefract spray painting in gold every single piece of dog shit she can find.

[Bazooka]

The Hairy Bikers immolate themselves in the doctors office, having been told their chronic alopecia was caused by consuming too many kippers.

[Dr Sanchez]

Graham Norton just sexually assaulted a vending machine in  Luton.

[dex]

Mr Motivator armed with a tazer in Leeds makes old folk and obese people do jumping jacks whilst barking patois in their faces.

[Glebe]

Carry On's Jim Dale passes a hobo in Santa Barbara and thinks, "Check your privilege."

[dex]

Ian Wright and a crack team of hard bastards clamp homeless people around the Emirates stadium and demand payment for their release.

[dex]

Ian Wright and a crack team of hard bastards clamp homeless people around the Emirates stadium and demand payment for their release.

Ross Kemp sneers and then throws a brogue in a rage at the telly in a Welcome Break Travelodge upon realising Wright stole his idea for a new Sky series.

[Glebe]

Basil Brush dismantles a leprechaun near Colchester.

[Glebe]

Taylor Swift consumes a Caramac in Hay-on-Wye.

[dex]

Michael Berk pours salt onto a group of slugs in a Mablethorpe park and nods his head very slowly as they dissolve into a putrid mess.