Celebrities doing things in places.

[Glebe]

Lisa Stansfield eats a load of rissoles and jumps into a vortex near Bradford.

Bruno Brooks makes love to a coconut and devolves into slime around Burgundy.

Amanda de Cadenet shoves Brian Ferry into a cement mixer down an alley in Birmingham.

Courtney Love puts a small child into a haversack and sends it down the Orinoco River in South America someplace.

Rainn Wilson coats a donkey in varnish and pushes it down a chute in Cook County.

Dizzee Rascal folds George & Mildred/Summer Wine star Brian Murphy in half and throws him on a merry-go-round, Poland.

[Lord Mandrake]

Judy Finnegan, dousing her tits with vinegar in Utah.

[Cursus]

Ed Sheeran hoses Edchup onto a consignment of Freddo bars in a municipal car park in Sheringham.

[Glebe]

Colonel Mustard stabs Professor Plum in the Bodleian Library with a betting shop pencil.

Rick Astley consumes a whole crate of Tenants lager under a bench in Camberwell.

Neil Gaiman oversees the construction of a new shopping mall in downtown Pittsburgh.

Jerry Hall introduces five-spice into a curry she is creating in an apartment in Outer Mongolia.

[Dr Sanchez]

In Barnsley, Chevy Chase just sniffed a cat's arse and proclaimed loudly in a bad cockney English accent "You don't get many of them to the pound" before sprinkling holy water upon a Ritz cracker and hurling it at a mosque.

[Glebe]

Joe Rogan makes a cup of cocoa in a shed in Hertfordshire.

[Dr Sanchez]

Judy Finnegan, dousing her tits with vinegar in Utah.

This made me do one of those laughs where no sound is made but your body convulses violently for a few minutes.

[Glebe]

Julian Clary drinks a full carton of Um Bongo on a Cheshire roundabout.

Jon Hamm crushes a gecko into a bum bag and throws it into San Francisco Bay.

Hilary Duff slices gorgonzola into little slabs and fucks 'em over the side of Land's End.

Phillipa Gregory introduces Gary Wilmot to a wood chipper beside Epping Forest.

[Glebe]

Aubrey Plaza confides in a toad in Great Yarmouth.

Noel Edmonds FedEx's a tortoise to Azerbaijan care of his local Blobbyland post office.

J.R. Hartley turns a disused steel mill in Arkansas into an online shopping storehouse.

Andi Peters slaloms down Mount Etna on a Rice Krispies box.

[Glebe]

Tamsin Grieg shoves a walnut into Terence Stamp's letterbox in Penge.

James Acaster mocks a gentleman for buying a football magazine in a newsagent in Exeter. "You can get all your info off the Internet now, mate, say no to physical media and save yourself a few bob!"

Brad Pitt fills a school copybook with obscene stick-figure illustrations in a train station in Mississippi.

Liz Bonnin places a large macaw atop a pylon in Kent.

[Glebe]

Ronaldinho hoards coconut shells for a week in Barbados.

Stephanie Beacham strangles a crow for a day in Horsham.

Kerry Katona comes barging into a police station in Penzance and loudly proclaims that she has been visited by the ghost of Giant Haystacks.

Mark Morrison stands in a covered arcade in Havering whispering 'Return of the Mack' at confused passers-by.

[Glebe]

Len Goodman practices the Watusi in a coal mine in Northumberland for five hours in 2011.

Gerry Cowper sues Vanity Fair for describing her as "a soiled dumpling" in Arbroath is where she takes the action goes about doing it.

Rob Beckett constructs a one fifth scale Eiffel Tower out of pasties in Dungeness.

Tina Fey invents a way to see without vision by the bank of a stream in New Hampshire.

[Glebe]

Jamie Lee Curtis enjoys an Oxford Lunch cake in Central America.

Phil Cornwell melts a traffic cone with some welding equipment in a park in Bern.

"Knock thrice and ask for Rifkind," Boris Johnson whispers cryptically to Corbyn on Wardour Street.

Gary Neville tries to blag his way into a Quadrophenia convention in Brighton by pretending to be Phil Daniels, but they know it's not Daniel's face.

[Glebe]

Richard Dawkins screams "CUNT!" at an out-of service ATM in Camden Town.

Rowland Rivron places Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall in a tumble dryer in Alderney.

Lena Dunham sues a carrot for damaging her toe in Buffalo.

Keira Knightly makes a jam buttie under a sink in Moldova.

[Glebe]

Kate Winslet drives a Toyota Yaris around a copse in Harrington for five minutes.

[dex]

John Major instructs Norma to leave the room. He then removes his strides and bellows I'M SPARTA!! Strides go back on and Norma is invited back in.

[Glebe]

Michael Heseltine deactivates his Instagram account at the foot of Ben Nevis.

[dex]

Lord Buckethead cacks his pants. Zero fucks given as he continues to canvas for Norwich South.

[Glebe]

Cromer, 1988, and John Thaw is smashing a Cherry Coke can with a claw hammer.

[Glebe]

Dame Judy Dench hurls a Nilfisk vacuum cleaner at a hotel maid in Purley.

[Glebe]

Peter Duncan compiles a list of Commodore 64 games under a hedge in Southwark.

Alan Sugar hums Blind Melon's 'No Rain' while stomping his boot on a face forever in a lift in Surrey.

Seth Rogen leaves a garbled message concerning vegetables and foot powder on Dick Van Dyke's cellphone whilst unicycling in Vermont.

Youssou N'Dour vomits apricots for an hour in Ankara.

[Glebe]

Nick Knowles is in Deptford, downing a large Yop in a single gulp.

[Bazooka]

David Dickinson invents a new rodent using bits of sausage and scrap on Cromer pier, he launches it into a church tea and coffee morning, before jumping under a bus.

[Glebe]

Greg Davies places plates of Super Noodles at various points along the M1.

[Bazooka]

The actor Zak Dingle of Emmerdale fame, stumbles upon a bunker full of Christmas crackers, totaling 256, in Spalding, Lincolnshire. He gets greedy and pops the lot. His body is found with gunpowder burns all over the body, and a amateur joint in his mouth, made out of a bad joke and a molten melted flip frog in his mouth.

[Glebe]

Frank Lampard fills a sack with Cheesy Wotsits and fucks it at Dover from the safety of Glencoe.

John le Carré offers some Fruit Pastilles to a confused lamppost in a village near Seville. It refuses, to his annoyance.

Dannii Minogue arranges some traffic cones in roughly linear order on Wardour Street.

Early Metallica bassist Ron McGovney purchases a fishing rod and some beef jerky at a store in Nevada.

[dex]

Greg Davies places plates of Super Noodles at various points along the M1.

Splendid!

[Glebe]

Splendid!

Davies: Thanks, glad you enjoyed them!

[Bazooka]

Davies: Thanks, glad you enjoyed them!

Even more splendid, ha

[dex]

Alan Carr casually walks away from the smouldering ashes of the former hotel at Cribbs Causeway.