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Celebrities doing things in places.

Started by Glebe, January 28, 2019, 02:36:46 AM

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Glebe

Jesse Plemons goes into a Waitrose in Kent and stares at a packet of meringue nests.

NJ Uncut

Fucked if it isn't Nelly Furtado, standing behind the bins at the Manor Pharmacy on Bank Road in Matlock.

She's wearing that sandwich board advertising Sundex Automotive, miming shooting, one eye closed. She mimes shooting something out the sky. She mimes shooting passing traffic. She mimes shooting you.

In her yellow leggings there's a lump of shite.

She again mimes shooting passing traffic. And standing still there is you.

Glebe

Madonna is in Crewe lamenting the long-gone Woolworths she used to frequent on her visits there. "Used to love popping in on a Saturday morning, buying the latest hit pop cassette and, of course, helping meself to the pick 'n' mix... them fudge blocks was me favourite!"

Glebe

Sigourney Weaver is in Nantwich lamenting the destruction of a burger van by vandals.

Ronnie O' Sullivan is in space crushing a mealy bug with a child's plastic spade.

Peter Davison is going round Pasadena on a mobility scooter signing autographs for Who nerds.

Martin Sheen is curled up beneath the Angel of the North, dreaming about Quavers.

Annette Bening is rewriting the complete works of Thomas Hardy in a new language she calls 'Bening Language' in a maisonette in Tyneside.

Meanwhile, Kelis is Moss Side, feeding spam to some ducks.

Glebe

Adam Woodyatt punts a burst football around Rotherham.

Glebe

Joe Pesci enjoys an Ovaltine in Crewe.

Ferris

Morrissey throws his arms around Paris, around Paris because.

NJ Uncut

Cheryl Crow's suddenly there in the doorway of the Red Lion in Little Budworth, near Rushton, flinging it open and jabbering away at you, poking you in the chest, hectoring you, calling you "buddy boy", enunciating the consonants with such force flecks of her spittle spatter your shock-slack smirk.

"Buy a packet of fags or what?" she gasps, still coming at you, as you back over the kerb and topple, and she is looming over you and obscuring the very sun in all her terrible, ravaged glory. "BUDDY BOY."

NJ Uncut

Turning her countenance to the sliver of visible moon moon and howling feral is Nina Perrson from Swedish soft rock combo The Cardigans, she's caked with grime and oil, thoroughly troubling the fellow shoppers at Coventry Market in Coventry.

Glebe

Quote from: NJ Uncut on September 18, 2019, 07:53:33 AM
Turning her countenance to the sliver of visible moon moon and howling feral is Nina Perrson from Swedish soft rock combo The Cardigans, she's caked with grime and oil, thoroughly troubling the fellow shoppers at Coventry Market in Coventry.
.

Very nice!

Jamie Lee Curtis stops in Dunstable for a Greggs.

Roy Walker helps himself to two complimentary pieces of the tomato and pepper sourdough loaf in Tesco in Cowley. "I'll be back tomorrow for a couple of bits of yer ancient grains", he chuckles to himself.

Bazooka

The ghost of Cilla Black causes chaos with Vaseline at a Pizza Hut in Dundey.

Evander Holyfield just fly tipped an old sofa in Wroxham.

Bazooka

Lizo from Newsround hurls a Barracuda and some white chocolate mice onto the M25, before fleeing the scene in a shoddy homemade paraglider.

Bazooka

Justin Lee Collins tries to reclaim his dignity by scaling Bristol Cathedral as he has an expensive enema.

Glebe

Sylvester McCoy helps himself to the complimentary prawn crackers at a Chinese restaurant in Falmouth, heedless of fellow diners Colin Baker, David Tennant and Catherine Tate and their snacking needs.

wosl

Ron Mael performs CPR on a chaffinch in Poulton-le-Fylde marketplace.  Just a couple of miles from there, Michael Rodd rugby tackles a bag of drugs to the ground on the Mythop Road.

Fishfinger

A well-showered Noel Fielding screams at the sight of his unsculpted head in a princely bathroom mirror.

Fishfinger

Mrs Hitler spotted opening an abattoir in Bradford. Kept that quiet.

NJ Uncut

It's not every day you see Russell Grant sitting there like a portly Psammead, flogging away so fast his palm is a blur, him gasping, frenetic, beads of sweat rolling over his downturned face, jowls juddering and rolls shuddering, mouthing words: O Capricorn! O SAGITTARIUS! Aw, Leo.

.... And my, he's seeing stars! Every constellation all at once, untold infinities of stars, swirling and yes, Taurus the bull enters Pisces the fish. That's gotta hurt!

Grant slumps to the floor, shiny ejaculate on his furry palms, his head dropping and his frame slouching like a bean bag with a slash in it.

It's not every day you see him do that, but then it's not every day you're at the Spaceport Planetarium & Spacecraft Simulator in Birkenhead. Another school trip ruined.

Glebe

Summer 1973, Jon Pertwee's back garden, where Pertwee is beating a hippie to death with a squeegee.

"Phew, what did you have for breakfast?" John Sergeant asks Bruno Mars in the men's toilets in Paddington Station.

dr_christian_troy

Werner Herzog brings his own dauphinoise potatoes to a Five Guys in Catford and is asked to leave.

Glebe

Andrew Marr parcels up a kitten in Dungeness, and posts it to Cork.

wosl

In the middle of The Champs-Élysées, Jayne Torvill empties a box of Ricicles down the maw of a hungry well.

Glebe

Steven Spielberg builds a one-tenth scale model of Paris in Joe Pasquale's conservatory.

wosl

Fred Harris, wearing a Peppermint Patty t-shirt and sandals, looks on, doing Spielberg's napper in by saying things like "Mate, the pipes are running the wrong way on your Pompidou Centre."

Glebe

Wonnacott's in Kowloon, selling a priceless Ming vase to a carrot for 50p!

Glebe

Take That's Mark Owen gets chased by a bee during a holiday in Cyprus.

Glebe

Mark Rylance is enjoying a Cornetto near Bradford.

Glebe

"Hi, Glastonbury founder Michael Eavis here, I'm in Stockton-on-Tees rubbing a hedgehog against a walnut!"