Celebrities doing things in places.

[NJ Uncut]

Childish Gambino hassles you for your mushies as you hurry out of the Chip Shed in Warwick as per bloody usual

[wosl]

Pat Metheny sleeps off a mild overdose of general anaesthetic on a traffic island just outside Kibworth, after being deposited there by a couple of panicky dental nurses.

[Glebe]

Anthony Head steals a packet of Viscount biscuits from a petrol station in Clonmel.

[buttgammon]

Michael Jackson purchases a Choc Dip in a dilapidated corner shop in Hell.

[NJ Uncut]

You're already pretty brassed off when you leave Brian Furdson Vehicle Repair in Corby, near Kettering, but the additional sight of Leona Lewis taking a waz unabashed on the gate takes the biscuit.

[NJ Uncut]

Alicia Keys with cans on, jigging and jerking arhythmically, on the green at daybreak in North Luffenham

[Glebe]

Les Dennis and Lenny Henry are enjoying a game of Buckaroo! in a quiet pub near Bradford.

[Glebe]

Black Francis shoves a canister off a staircase in Bern for six hours.

Dermot Murnaghan obliterates a mandarin orange with a hosepipe on a kitchen work surface in a bungalow in Stornoway.

Kristen Schaal spends two weeks on a merry-go-round, singing Outkast's 'Hey Ya!' in a variety of languages.

Geri Halliwell stabs a seabird with a winch below an overhang on Chesil Beach.

[NJ Uncut]

Noel Edmonds and Paul "The Big Show" White are in Solihull having a fuck

[dr_christian_troy]

Omri Katz punches a frail Dean Stockwell in the chest while queuing at the dole office in Maidstone.

[Glebe]

The CIA install Bradley Walsh as a puppet dictator in Bolivia.

[Glebe]

Mandy Smith wraps a hedgehog in a duffel coat and tosses it across a ditch in Falmouth.

It's in Venice you'll find David Schwimmer today, pasting up fliers for his anarchist punk collective Davey and the Don'ts.

Judith 'from Eggheads' Keppel rubbishes a doughnut beneath an overpass in Hastings.

Trevor MacDonald sues Tia Carrera in Doncaster... it's a long story, but suffice it to say that Carrera once suggested that MacDonald was "rubbery, with a hint of melon".

[Glebe]

Mike Oldfield hits the jackpot on a pub fruity in Wisbech. "And just in time too, the royalties are drying up! Pint of Double Diamond when you're ready, Tony."

[Glebe]

Gregg Wallace shoves a cucumber up an owl in Paisley.

[NJ Uncut]

A decent enough night so far in Broomhill Working Men's Club in Cannock.... until you head the bogs, fling open the cubicle door to see there Dido, shining off an awful light, leering eternal, levitating, grinning untamed & untrammelled by any mere pangs of humanity.

[Glebe]

David Suchet enjoys brunch with the Belgian Ambassador to Pakistan in Bern.

[Glebe]

Hank Marvin stuffs a vole into a Pop Tart near Pendleton.

[Glebe]

Seasick Steve is now running a laser eye surgery clinic in Clitheroe.

Barney from Napalm Death currently lives in a shed in the Maldives. He enjoys moshing, screaming and walking in the Maldives.

Motivational speaker Tony Robbins allegedly collects old chewing gum wrappers, which he stores in a vault in Peru. Current count: 1,230,021 wrappers.

Amy Adams enjoys destroying a shoe shop in Missouri every Wednesday.

[Glebe]

Roger McGough pens an ode to freeze pops aboard the QE2 docked in the Bay of Pigs.

1957, New York City. Frank Sinatra is pilling up a load of Tunnock's Tea Cakes on Fifth Avenue, "for a laugh! I don't even enjoy the Tunnock's brand of products, but it's great what you can do when you're rich!"

Bebe Rexha has a teddy bear's picnic with all her old favourite soft toys in Hyde Park. "That's fucking mental, that is, is that woman on her own?" comments a mean-spirited passer-by to his friend, who is wearing a nice hat.

Alex James from Blur gets a huge hosepipe and pumps twenty gallons worth of melted string cheese onto his neighbour's lawn.

[dex]

Alan Carr turns up to Porthcall in a 4x4 with a big soundsystem, blasting bombastic hip hop such as Da Lench Mob's "Ain't Got No Class" while doing doughnuts and burnouts on the town square.

[Glebe]

Joe Swash castigates a herring for jumping the queue in a Costa Coffee in Arbroath.

[Glebe]

Pete Davidson buys a packet of Silvermints and a small bottle of orange Cadet in a Maxol station in Athlone.

If you're in Hay-on-Wye tomorrow, you just might spot Benedict Won shoving a parsnip into the exhaust of a Ford Sierra.

Kate Winslet has booked tickets for Disneyland Paris for herself and the fam. Beware, however, for if you happen to spot her there you will notice she will be carrying a dirty bomb and screaming, "BRING AN END TO THIS MOUSE-BASED MADNESS!" for six hours on the trot.

Gary Wilmot jets skis across the Pacific Ocean with a VR helmet playing interactive scenes from Downton on his bonce.

[Glebe]

Darcus Howe once frisbee'd a dustbin lid across Clapham Junction.

Petula Clark has of late been seen gaslighting a donkey on a raft on the Bering Sea.

American news favourite Katie Couric imprisons Neil Young inside a sort of orb of doom, and sends him hurtling into the Grand Canyon.

Rosie Perez asks Steve Lamacq for "a stick of gum" on Wandsworth Common, and gets short shrift from the popular DJ.

[Cuellar]

Phillip Schofield queues up the Paul Tortelier recording of Bach's Cello Suites and explodes into his next set of bench presses in Pure Gym Southampton.

[Glebe]

"Hey, Timmy Mallet here, I'm in Toxteth, moistening a badger with mayo if y'please!"

Meanwhile, Jonathan Miller is teaching Liza Minnelli how to twerk on Broadway!

Oh look, it's Kristen Bell, examining a thimble near Bexleyheath!

And in closing, we observe Wincey Willis, slathering a boy scout in cocaine and kicking him into a pond near Rochdale!

[Huxleys Babkins]

Mick Hucknall picks up a Chicken Triple sandwich from Sainsbury's Local, East Dulwich for his lunch. "I wouldn't normally go for a triple, but I've not had me breakfast!" he quipped.

[Glebe]

Mick Hucknall picks up a Chicken Triple sandwich from Sainsbury's Local, East Dulwich for his lunch. "I wouldn't normally go for a triple, but I've not had me breakfast!" he quipped.

This is typical of Hucknall. I saw him snap up a vegetarian ready meal quiche in a Tesco near Salford last week. "It's a great hunger-buster, and I'm running late at the mo!" he screamed at my face.

[Huxleys Babkins]

It's because he's always shagging so he's forced to eat on the go. His mam calls him down for breakfast, but he's up there in his bedroom giving it full beans to the girl off the F&F clothing posters whilst his cornflakes go soggy. Goes out for a pub lunch and his steak pie and mash go cold cos he's taken Ginny Buckley from What Car magazine into the bogs for a knee trembler.

Word has it, he was recently spotted going through the McDonald's drive thru just outside of Yaxley in a limo, riding the tits off the actress Joy McAvoy.

[Glebe]

He once promised Kate Moss a sherbet dip for a kiss behind the bike sheds. Moss refused, and Hucknell cried all the way home.

[Glebe]

Paul Heaton tucks some McDonalds discount vouchers under the mattress of his bed for safe keeping in his new Hartlepool bungalow. "Nice little nest egg, them... oh bugger, they're only valid to a certain date, f'fuck's sake."

Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen does a dig out on a stay in his holiday caravan in Portsmouth. He discovers a dusty old Adidas bag containing CDs by the likes of Cast, Republica and Ocean Colour Scene and old copies of FHM, Heat and Loaded. "Well blow me, that's nostalgic!"

Harry Kane punishes a wombat for stealing his crisps in Argyll.

Sienna Miller downs a thousand ha'porths worth of Yops and dances like crazy near Middlesborough.