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Celebrities doing things in places.

Started by Glebe, January 28, 2019, 02:36:46 AM

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NJ Uncut

Holly Valance locking the door for her room in Redroofs Bed & Breakfast in Tenbury Wells, settling the bill and playing nice-nice with the front desk, then stealing away into the sun-streaked morning, just needing to put distance betwixt her and the atrocity she left in toilet

NJ Uncut

You pop into the Station View Garage in Plymouth and have an interminable wait, as Rihanna is at the till haggling the prices of confectionery

Glebe

"Cod and chips twice, please, mister fish-and-chip-shop man!" chirrups Kay Burley. She's in Frome with Dermot Murnaghan.

NJ Uncut

You sit next to Sean Connery on a bus in Paisley, near Glasgow. He's muttering to himself and swigging Calpol, and turns to you, his milky eyes stricken with terror, and he opens his maw softly, uncovering a toothless mouth and a stench so bad your eyes turn watery and you choke, you gag, and you vomit up your Ranchers Chicken Sandwich, catch your spew on the inside of your Mike & The Mechanics tee, feeling the slime drip down your chest. And Sean just starts cackling, and he will not stop, he will never stop.

Glebe

Caitlin Moran puts Gary Neville in a pram and wheels him around Hampstead Heath.

Glebe

Gerard Butler buys a Toffee Crisp in a newsagent in Harrow. It's a bit crumbly and mashed when he unwraps it, so he goes back to exchange it and the shop assistant gives him a fresh one, no problem. And that one is fine.

Naomi Campbell has a temper tantrum in an Argos in Filey and smashes a store worker with her giant handbag.

Sally Field dresses up as a goblin for Halloween and wanders around North Dakota scaring kids.

Susie Dent whacks a rotten apple of the head of the green grocer who sold it her in Bournemouth.


Glebe

Gremlins star Zack Galligan drives around Michigan stuffing lettuce into people's mailboxes.

Rita Ora climbs up Mount Everest and distributes Walnut Whips to any there present!

Daniel Craig is in Morocco shoving a lemur down a drain pipe.

And I say goodnight with the news that Carol Thatcher has managed to oust a horse chestnut that had become wedged in her sink for a decade.

Glebe

Steve-O discusses 'woke' culture with a bittern at Land's End.

Karen O demotes a rabbit to the rank of 'field creature' during an acid trip in Hyde Park.

Barry Scott - remember Barry Scott? - builds a monument to Dustin Gee out of discarded Cillit Bang bottles in Leicester. "Bang - and The Gee was gone! Leaving Les Dennis to carry on alone... well, he still had the support of Russ Abbot and co to keep him going, tbh," he informs the psychiatrist he is chatting to some hours after being arrested.

Krist Novoselic makes love to a doughnut in a cabin in the Missouri hills.

Glebe

Florence from Florence and Her Machines rolls down a hill in Staffordshire yelling the hit song 'Ship to Wreck' until she floats off into the sky in a kind of psychedelic dream-trip.

Glebe

Ray Romano disguises himself as a dolphin and sneaks around Queens scaring fishmongers.

Alfred the Great gets a six pack of Newcastle Brown Ale and settles down to watch the ancient version of Bargain Hunt at the local playhouse 'in the olden dayes'.

Anthony Hopkins trundles around Camden Town leaving little notes with life-lesson advice such as 'Never tangle with a tomcat'.

Stephenie Meyer writes a new Twilight book called Twilight Part Whatever: Back in the Saddle! during an extended stay in Siberia.

Glebe

Gore Vidal and Susan Sontag enjoy a day out at Alton Towers in 1993.

Mark Lamarr shares a banana split with Kendrick Lamar in a cafe in Padstow, and the pair debate which of their names is the right spelling.

Pat Benatar subjects a visiting Meat Loaf to six hours worth of Antiques Roadshow she has DVR'd whilst on tour.

Natalie Portman buys Richard E. Grant a packet of Wagon Wheels in an Asda near Suffolk.

Gregory Torso

John Craven is subjected to four hours of a small bluebird repeatedly calling him a cunt outside his window as he lies in bed in his house in Cravenville.

Morris Day cheers on a woodlouse as it pushes a stale pringle over an obstacle course of beer cans and bullshit that he spent all day constructing in the beautiful coastal enclave of Clacton on Sea.

Glebe

Quote from: Gregory Torso on October 13, 2019, 11:33:50 AMJohn Craven is subjected to four hours of a small bluebird repeatedly calling him a cunt outside his window as he lies in bed in his house in Cravenville.

Morris Day cheers on a woodlouse as it pushes a stale pringle over an obstacle course of beer cans and bullshit that he spent all day constructing in the beautiful coastal enclave of Clacton on Sea.

Chuckle!

Luton, 1974. Reg Varney is waiting for them to prepare a set up during filming of a new series of On the Buses, and he's feeling bored.

"Here, Stephen 'Blakey' Lewis, can I borrow your Curly Wurly?"

"Yes, Reg, but please return the plaited confectionery within the hour - I need it for my lunch break!"

"Not to worry Stephen, I just want to sort of 'nudge' it along the pavement for larks for a bit! My apologies if the packet gets all germ-covered!"

"I 'ate you, Varney!"

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Paul Chuckle crouches folornly at the graveside of Barry Chuckle and ponders his future career options.

"To me" he cries

"Oh dear" he wails

There is no reply.

Glebe

David Harbour pops next door to Jake Gyllenhaal in Hollywood. "Hello Jake, I wonder if you could help me out. I bought a tin of Ronseal earlier, but left it on the bus. Have you any Ronseal you could give us?"

"Sorry, no, David," replies Gyllenhall and closes the door.

Glebe

Graham Norton gets murdered by a team of fishwives in Penzance.

Michael Portillo goes to a Counting Crows concert on Ayers Rock.

Jimmy Hill bought a Club Milk bar in 1986 in Melbourne.

Mandy Moore controls a hamster with a fishing rod in Louisiana.

Benedict Cumberbatch creates a new kind of cuneiform writing in Christopher Biggins' plush new bedsit/maisonette combination in Diss.

Ellen DeGegeneres creates a new award called 'The Ellen DeGegeneres Award for Fabulous People' under a hedge in Pasadena. This year's recipient: Al Gore.

Glebe

Terry Scott strips naked, paints himself in tribal colours and dances around a huge fire in a field in Surrey in 1982.

Andy McNab fucks a filthy onesie at Bob Carolgees' flipping face in Hounslow.

Gregg Wallace makes a frisbee using the tin from a shelf-bought steak pie somewhere in Birmingham.

Louise Redknapp organizes an '90s/'00s fancy dress night in a shed in Cromarty.

Seth Meyers and Paul Reubens wrestle naked in a giant tub of Cherry Garcia-flavour Ben & Jerry's in the middle of Fifth Avenue.

Jane Seymour sellotapes Pierce Brosnan to a lamppost in downtown Sofia.

Glebe

Derren Brown catapults a hippo across Lake Erie.

Alice Beer starts an online petition to try and get Shed 7 back together. In her new mansion in Bolivia.

Sammy Davis Jr. spends a week driving around Colorado in a steamroller in 1980.

Tanya Donnelly from Belly shoots Newt Gingrich with an air rifle in Tennessee.


Berthas Fat Leg

Barry Cryer, investigating Sasquatch one-upmanship aboard a Tibetan frigate.

Jon Thompson, replacing words in songs with the word 'fart,' then giggling like a ninny, on a Plymouth ring road.

A Dec-less Ant, watching Russian dash cam videos above a dank North Shields bric-a-brac shop.

Berthas Fat Leg

Bobby Davro, kicking the fuck out of a Twix in Legoland.

Ram John Holder, watching a very ropey copy of 'Fievel Goes West' in Kentish Town.

jenna appleseed

Grant Morrison accidentally visits Northampton and spends his entire 'nice day out' trying to avoid being cursed by rival wizard Alan Moore.

jenna appleseed

Some point in the late 70s or early 80s, Kate Bush is having excited orgasms over old woman in Russia.

NJ Uncut

Kevin Duala with Typhoo wrapped in cling film beckoning young women who look a size 10 into the alley behind C G Sadd Butchers in Dorrington

Glebe

Emeli Sandé shoves a packet of Monster Munch into a letterbox, Whitley Bay.

Berthas Fat Leg

Warwick Davis prat-slaps a hovercraft in Dundalk.

Glebe

Jennifer Love Hewitt cooks some Bird's Eye Chicken Dippers in a bedsit in King's Lynn.

Matt Damon hurls some smoked salmon at an unsuspected traffic warden in Hartlepool.

If you're around the Finsbury Park area this weekend, keep an eye out for Courtney Love who'll be basting some goslings in plasticine near there!

Tina Fey takes a penny farthing journey around Bexleyheath.

petril

Ken Doherty reads Viz in Asda to save money

Glebe

Simon Cowell's New Face eats part of Croydon.

Glebe

Grand Designs' Kevin McCloud lets off a thermonuclear device in PC World, Brighton.

Lupita Nyong'o circumnavigates the hills around County Wicklow on the world's first fully-functioning Back to the Future Part II hoverboard.

Parker Posey auditions for a soup advert in Hove. She doesn't get it, but holds no grudges against Sharon Stone for making a few quid off of it.

Stephen King distributes the contents of several packets of Tesco Special Flakes around the general Yukon region.

Glebe

Craig Revel Harwood slithers round a Kentucky Fried Chicken in Basingstoke singing a medley of hits from Chicago.

Bryan Adams eats a full six Brunch ice creams during a stroll around Dublin.

Caitlyn Jenner subjects Jay-Z to a full body wax during an altercation on a highway in Pittsburgh.

Bjork drives around Malaysia chucking Pez dispensers are unwary pedestrians.