Celebrities doing things in places.

[Glebe]

Chance the Rapper develops a fondness for the Cadbury's Twirl, Tower Hamlets.

Hugh Dennis hoards crows in a coalmine, Oxford.

Phoebe Waller-Bridge connects her pet owl to the Internet and downloads a load of gifs on 'im, Charing Cross Road.

Mark Owen abandons a Take That gig at Wembley Stadium after consuming a dodgy pancake.

[Glebe]

Chris Martin writes 'smegma' on a toilet cubicle in Dover and legs it.

1981, James Brown feeding Curly Wurlies to an antelope, Cannes.

Holly Valance crushing figs into a fine, pasty pulp, Stoke-on-Trent.

Dirk Bogarde, losing a fortune on the gee-gees in Ladbrokes, Peckham, 1961.

[DoesNotFollow]

A bus driver in Dorset who somewhat resembles John Parrott is surreptitiously replaced with the real John Parrott. Family, friends and colleagues are none the wiser.

[Gregory Torso]

Pauline Quirke and Linda Robson twerking and flossing in front of a fridge full of ruined stool samples.

[Gregory Torso]

Eric Pollard from Emmerdale climbs up a big fat lad outside a club hosting six Lil Yachty tribute acts in one night! in Sydney, Yorkshire.

[Glebe]

Jodie Comer goes around Romford on a trike, feeding Ryvita to poodles.

Jacob Rees-Mogg goes around Staines with an air rifle, shooting at people he deems "unfit to be a member of the better classes."

Kim Gordon roasts a haggis in sunflower oil and boots it skyward, Morecambe.

Denzil Washington gets ratty with a shop assistant cos the tap won't work on his card, Rhyl.

[Glebe]

Raymond Briggs scowls at some carol singers in Hamstead.

James Blunt steals a packet of economy ginger snaps from his local Spar.

Emma Thompson, Thurso, rodeo bull.

Johnny Greenwood, Malaga, smashing tortoises.

[Lord Mandrake]

Markey Mark benchpresses his own weight in dead mice. Weymouth.

[buttgammon]

Freddie Flintoff filming a documentary about Lads in Scunthorpe.

[Glebe]

Chris Kamara pushes a cheese and chutney sandwich through a dole window hatch and trundles off on a tricycle, Burnley.

Kate Bush prises Daniel Day-Lewis off the back of an articulated Lorry he has adhered to, Bexleyheath.

Christopher Biggins gifts a plate of humbugs to some wanton orphans, Stockport.

They say the ghost of John Le Mesurier haunts Greenham Common on occasion.

[Fishfinger]

Nick Nolte clogs the Arbroath Road sewer.

[Glebe]

Barbara Streisand goes on the dodgems at Blackpool and throws up her chips in an alley.

Dan Rather announces the birth of a hedgehog from a special seat atop the Sears Tower in Chicago.

If you're in the Snowdonia area in the new year, you just might spot Joe Pasquale whamming an ostrich against various rocky outcrops "for shits and giggles."

Paul Weller purchases a copy of What Car? and a packet of Werther's Originals in a cornershop off the Edgware Road. Nothing strange about that, tbh.

[Glebe]

Gregg Wallace spents New Year's Day wandering drunkenly around Fife in a dress.

Kirsty Allsop spray paints a nightinggale purple and chucks it into Cheddar Gorge.

Tazmin Outwaite Googles herself on her phone whilst waiting for a bus to Portmerion.

Des O' Connor pre-orders a PS5 under a cow in Essex.

[Glebe]

Peter Ebdon's in Runcorn, sellotaping a badger to some rice.

Jeremy Paxman dances through some tulips in a field in Padstow.

It's in Wensleydale you'll find Holly Willoughby, scoffing down a Toffee Crisp like there's no tomorrow!

And lastly, for now, we discover Michael Bublé in Sedgefield, wedging a hamster betwixt a conker and a slate.

[Lord Mandrake]

Morten Harket impresses a bevy of beauties with his parallel parking skills in Scarborough.

[Glebe]

Mel C demolishes a giant cream cake in one sitting in a tea room in Barnet.

John Boyega crushes Tom Hardy at Subbuteo football, Truro.

Teddy Sheringham gets a bad case of the trots after eating a mouldy kebab in Paisley.

Jena Malone parachutes an Action Man off a crevice in Nevada.

[Glebe]

Alan Titchmarsh frisbees a load of frozen Quorn burgers over Jane Seymour's fence.

[Glebe]

"I'm fucking gasping for a fag, me!" It's Lisa Stansfield with her hair in curlers outside a hair salon in Rotherhide!

[jenna appleseed]

A confused Jeff Lynne somewhere in Brum, having difficulty crossing the road and singing "Don't run me over" to passing traffic in the alien/robot voice off of the end of Mr. Blue Sky.

[Glebe]

Michael Bolton goes on a cycling holiday around the Chilterns.

Tia Carrere bumps into Rob Lowe whilst shopping in Selfridges. "Oh hello Rob, how are you?" Lowe just gives Carrere a blank stare. "Remember me, Rob, we were in Wayne's World together?" But Lowe just rudely pushes past her and throws a couple of bottles of Bollingers into his trolley.

Nigel Mansell goes into a fancy little bistro in Lyon that is allegedly owed by Egon Ronay. "I wonder if Egon is knocking about," he chuckles to his wife, Ada Mansell, before the aperitifs arrive.

Roy Hudd goes into a newsagents in Haversham and esquires as to whether or not they still do Feast ice creams. "I'm not sure," explains the shop assistant, "I dunno if they still make them but we don't stock them at the moment."

[Glebe]

Roger De Courcey spends an afternoon apart from Nookie Bear as he goes to meet his good friend and confidante Gwyneth Paltrow for lunch and gossip at Selfridges, London.

In 1982 Dean Martin allegedly joined Black Flag onstage for an incredible 15-minute version of 'Gimme Gimme Gimme' in the backyard of Jimmy Carter's hacienda in Stockport.

Natalie Imbruglia prepares a Bovril and sits sipping it atop a dustbin in Calais.

Mark Knopfler plays Candy Crush Saga for two hours straight in the Mojave Desert.

[Glebe]

Julian Clary jumps the queue in a pharmacy in Swindon.

[Glebe]

Joe Swash drops his Mars Bar out the window going through a car wash in Denby. "Fack's sake!"

Rosanna Arquette reenacts all of Grease in a one-woman performance at an all night laundromat in Burbank, Cal.

New Order's Stephen Morris fancies a Wagon Wheel while on tour with the electro-pop band of renown. "You can't get 'em here in Germany, so I'll just have to settle for some weird, horrible European Turkish Delight thing!" he moans to a roadie.

Phil Daniels counts his fruity winnings at a gin palace in Havering.

[Glebe]

Paul Hollywood combines a macaque with a narwhal in a bizarre experiment in Cleethorpes.

[Pingers]

Paul Hollywood combines a macaque with a narwhal in a bizarre experiment in Cleethorpes.

Burst out at that one

[Glebe]

Burst out at that one

Cheers Pingers!

[Glebe]

Matt Baker swallows a whole Wall's Vienetta in one gulp in a ditch in Salford.

[Glebe]

Barry Scott takes a break from filming the latest Cillit Bang ad to enjoy a Walnut Whip and a can of Pepsi Max. In Middlesborough.

Sally Jessy Raphael finds some Polo mints down the back of an old settee in Georgia.

Kerry Katona pushes Rick Ashley into a revolving door for a laugh in Timperley.

Josh Widdecombe placates an angry Martin Bashir with some ice cream and a comic near Hampton Wick.

[Glebe]

Huey Lewis discusses the finer points of the Toffee Crisp with Andrew Neil atop a charabanc in Skegness.

Juliette Lewis bungee jumps off Mount Etna screaming, "THIS IS A FUCKING MENTAL THING TO DO BUT SOD IT I'M BUZZIN'!"

Tim Berners-Lee invents a new type of Internet called 'The New Internet' in a box in Hove.

Monica Lewinsky drowns a parrot in olbas oil behind Alton Towers.

[Menyatta Zondatta]

Terry Major-Ball silently contemplates whether 1pm is too late to get anything done from the comfort of a slightly damp garage in Shropshire. Perhaps he should phone it in and take a bath. He spends the rest of the day watching Weird Science (1985) and wondering if it would fly these days.