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Celebrities doing things in places.

Started by Glebe, January 28, 2019, 02:36:46 AM

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Glebe

Tim Vine mashes some Liga up in a dustbin in Perth.

Harry Belafonte organises a riot in a kitchen in Lyon.

Josh Widdicombe studies for the bar in the Vietnamese countryside.

Sarah Cracknell compiles a list for a St. Etienne best of beneath a blanket in Surrey.

Sorry Bazooka, new page twattery:

Quote from: Bazooka on February 28, 2019, 01:08:43 PMPaul Hollywood bakes a cake that only attracts rapists in a B&Q car park.

Lord Mandrake

Curtis Stigers launches a comatose swan into a massive cobweb in Perivale.

Gregory Torso

Tipper Gore goes to high-five Jello Biafra on the way to the shitter at a Bad Brains gig, CBGB's, 1983. Jello leaves her hanging, igniting a personal vendetta that will carry on for years.

rasta-spouse

Angus Deaton bargains with a leisure centre duty manager in Fife for permission to warm a Rustlers cheeseburger in a staffroom microwave




dex

Jeremy Vine buys himself an Escort RS Cosworth on ebay. Doesn't know a thing about them.

dex

Andrew Marr steps in dog shit and promptly wipes his shoes in a Greggs door way.

dex

Garth Crooks after a spate of fish thefts from his pond, types in WANKER HERON into his search engine, which promptly brings up several Cab threads. Intrigued, he chortles at several posts from the likes of Glebe and Shoulders Stomach. He decides to become a Verbwhore himself off the back of it.

Ray Travez

Thom Yorke still on the phone to LaserQuest in Acocks Green seeking his missing contact lens. The on-hold music is Shadduppa Ya Face by Joe Dolce. "I think I'll just buy a new pair" he sighs.

Ray Travez

Thom Yorke on the phone to Specsavers in Acocks Green. The on-hold music is Vivaldi's the Four Seasons.

PlanktonSideburns


Ray Travez

Shaun Ryder tickles a rat in Burnage.

pancreas

John Bercow pulls the limbs off children in Malawi.

Jandek weeps for the soul of a herring on the sands of Newquay.

Kirsty Wark rips a Belisha beacon out of the ground with her bare hands and disposes of it insouciantly in a spinney outside Kettering.

Maxi Priest telephones every branch of Spar in Fife to see whether they have any packets of Abbey Crunch biscuits in stock.  Just for the hell of it.






Ferris

Quote from: Ray Travez on February 28, 2019, 10:07:29 PM
Thom Yorke on the phone to Specsavers in Acocks Green. The on-hold music is Vivaldi's the Four Seasons.

Specsavers in Acocks Green on hold to the main distribution warehouse in Tamworth, reordering another case of +.5 dailies. Thom Yorke is standing next to the shop assistant and can hear the hold music coming from the receiver. They both listen to the strains of Wake Up Boo! by the Boo Radleys while the receiver goes to check contact lens inventory and fill in the manifold paperwork.

"So you think they'll be back in stock by Thursday?"
"I think so, yes"
"Ok great, see you then!", says Thom, but in his head he's already ordering them online. Not waiting til then, I'll probably need them over the weekend.

"Fucking Acocks Green", he says to no one, as he waits at Snow Hill to catch the train back to Oxford.

Gary Barlow gets pissed on mimosas and goes mental at a souk in Morocco, tipping over stalls and doing things quite at odd with his wholesome image.

Steve Malkmus tries to think of a rhyme for "insouciance" in some nettles outside Biblical Gethsemane.

Lord Mandrake

Bentley Rhythm Ace inspect a discarded trestle table in Wrexham.

Glebe

The guy who played Ro-land purchases a packet of figs in a Tesco Express in South Shields.

ToneLa

Kendall Jenner totters into your shabby, disgusting local, and talks to your friends, but not you. You can't fucking believe it! You've been a massive fan of Kendall Jenner for ages! Your throat goes dry and you worry about blinking too much as she titters gorgeously at some scal saying "are you Kendall Jenner". Look at her fucking laugh. She kisses him on the cheek! And your mates now - hello hello, this is your chance boy, don't you fuck this one up, this is Kendall Jenner here in your grotty local. But she's kissed him and him and even her but no, not you, she can't even make eye contact. The noise swells and the cheers and there's hands everywhere you keep getting pushed back from Kendall Jenner. Some cunt stands right in front of you, and you try to get around him to look at Kendall Jenner but he won't move. But you're in a pub with Kendall Jenner!! But here she is - fucking Kendall Jenner, this is fucking mental! - everyone's phones are up, she's flashing for the boys is Kendall Jenner, she's stripping for the world is Kendall Jenner, but not you, no, my man. No. Not you. No.

Glebe

Fran Drescher hounds a dolphin around Parkhurst.

Stu Francis crushes grapes in Tuscany.

dex

Steve McFadden steals your chips in a Middlesborough kebab shop.

Glebe

Quote from: dex on March 01, 2019, 07:39:11 PMSteve McFadden steals your chips in a Middlesborough kebab shop.

Heh!

Frances McDormand challenges Dua Lipa to a game of backgammon in Torquay.

rasta-spouse

Lesley Joseph stares at an out of order parking meter in Greenwich until she has lost all focus.



dex

Dave Benson Phillips dons full khaki battle attire and walks through the Arndale Centre, Luton with a blunderbuss smiling away.

rasta-spouse

Simon Pegg hurridly leaves a squash game in Croydon, years later his memoirs will account how he was unsettled by the perfect geometry of the court.


Glebe

Jarvis Cocker rides a snowmobile round Alaska for an hour.

Lord Mandrake

Terence Stamp whistles at a big bus in Cairo.

ToneLa

#118
John Craven driving a big black van with a madcap rictus grin, shuffling aroond jerking in the seat, the van zigzagging, his head lolling as he mutters with glee, stopping the van only to stuff random persons into the back hauling them in off the street with unspeakable force and speed gibbering conspiratorial madness aboot spires of shadow and nanobots and poisonous buttresses and slobbering all the while, his eyes glassy and rolling and he slams the doors shut and when he's collected enough poor souls he drives off at a dizzying terrifying speed and when the van finally rolls to a stop it's silent apart from all your honking sobs and John Craven flings the fuckin doors wide open and he sees your tears and your pools of urine and the sudden invasive stench of the fresh air and the burst of light is absolutely choking you and he simply says with the warmest smile you've ever seen, "Welcome to the countryside" and you're away!

ToneLa

Nigella Lawson urinating on a teddy bear in an alley in Ruabon