Author Topic: Needing new friends  (Read 4404 times)

Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #60 on: January 31, 2019, 04:49:19 PM »
I agree that cleaning an office is a shit job.

Endicott

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Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #61 on: January 31, 2019, 05:32:33 PM »
Madhair60, what you need is a social lynch pin. You know the type, they are friends with everyone, and are always mixing their various social circles and making them interact. You get in with one of them, you're sorted for life.

Like you, all my main friends have moved away and my home town has become a social hell hole. I have to travel now to stay in touch with anyone worth talking to.

I've also been a bit unlucky with my social lynch pins. The first one who was an old friend from school turned out to be a cunt. I've now lost touch with all the people he put me in contact with, although I'll be honest here they mostly were a bit shit anyway.

The second one I found in later life, he was good for about 10 years and then went and died of cancer! I know! Luckily for me he put me in touch with so many people I am still dining out on it 5 years later.

So that's my advice. Find some cunt a social lynch pin, latch onto them and let them do the heavy lifting for you, and you'll never look back.

Malcy

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Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #62 on: January 31, 2019, 05:55:02 PM »
Pub.

Twed

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Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #63 on: January 31, 2019, 05:56:35 PM »
Madhair60, what you need is a social lynch pin. You know the type, they are friends with everyone, and are always mixing their various social circles and making them interact. You get in with one of them, you're sorted for life.

Like you, all my main friends have moved away and my home town has become a social hell hole. I have to travel now to stay in touch with anyone worth talking to.

I've also been a bit unlucky with my social lynch pins. The first one who was an old friend from school turned out to be a cunt. I've now lost touch with all the people he put me in contact with, although I'll be honest here they mostly were a bit shit anyway.

The second one I found in later life, he was good for about 10 years and then went and died of cancer! I know! Luckily for me he put me in touch with so many people I am still dining out on it 5 years later.

So that's my advice. Find some cunt a social lynch pin, latch onto them and let them do the heavy lifting for you, and you'll never look back.

Imaging this entire post being delivered this way:


biggytitbo

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Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #64 on: January 31, 2019, 06:08:38 PM »
I know a couple of wags already suggested taking up pedophilia but is it such a bad idea? Whenever you see a Trevor Mcdonald about them they're alway a network aren't they, very closely knit, will do anything for each other - sound like the kind of solid, reliable friends you need right now.

Phoenix Lazarus

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Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #65 on: January 31, 2019, 06:36:18 PM »
I know a couple of wags already suggested taking up pedophilia

Maybe a couple of paedos can suggest tail-wagging.  They can then take you for a walk, as their dog, and ask kids if they want to see the puppies.

Dex Sawash

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Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #66 on: January 31, 2019, 06:42:43 PM »





new friend, kneaded

Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #67 on: January 31, 2019, 06:49:44 PM »
Pub.

This or volunteering. It doesn't just mean working in a food bank or soup kitchen these days, plenty of community 'fix it' type places where you can help people fix their bikes/mowers/computers/wood.

Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #68 on: January 31, 2019, 06:55:12 PM »
Another vote here for having a child and starting a family. Not only is it a brilliant thing to do, you’ll meet lots of blokes who are also regretting their life choices and want to go to the pub with you

purlieu

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Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #69 on: January 31, 2019, 07:01:31 PM »
Pub.
Nah, then you'll turn into one of those lonely blokes who starts talking to people in the pub. Y'know the situation, it inevitably ends up with the person on the receiving end immediately planning out what pub they're going to move on to for the next drink.

It's scary though, isn't it? Not that many years ago I had a big social circle with a handful of close friends. At the minute I'm living with my parents recovering from some health problems, but looking at getting back into work this year (picked a good year for it, eh?). I do still have some friends, but they all live in London (too fucking expensive) or Yorkshire (girlfriend had a PTSD-inducing bad experience and won't go back). So wherever I move now, it'll be somewhere where I probably know nobody. I can't work out how it's even possible to spend enough time with a new person to develop a proper friendship from scratch alongside a full-time job, having a partner and a dog, personal hobbies like making music, and them having their own personal stuff too. I don't see it happening.

Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #70 on: January 31, 2019, 07:07:52 PM »
I agree that cleaning an office is a shit job.

You’re being a twat.

grassbath

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Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #71 on: January 31, 2019, 07:15:08 PM »
You shall go to the salsa class!

Malcy

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Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #72 on: January 31, 2019, 07:43:34 PM »
This or volunteering. It doesn't just mean working in a food bank or soup kitchen these days, plenty of community 'fix it' type places where you can help people fix their bikes/mowers/computers/wood.

Men's shed's seem to be on the rise. Volunteering is a great idea. Good for the mind and probably a brownie point or two with the ladies.

I moved back to Scotland just over a year ago after 11 years away. I've gone from having a massive social circle of friends in just about every demographic to pretty much 0.

In the whole time I've been back I've gone to all but one comedy show, TV recordings and the like on my own or else with family on a couple of occasions. Even go to the pub alone now. I meet up with 2 family friends I've known since birth but apart from that no one.

It suits me fine though. Being able to go into a pub and not be bothered is bliss. It's a massive change for me. I haven't attempted to make any new friends because I simply don't want them. Maybe because where I was living in Ireland was full of nosey bastards who want, no, NEED to know your business constantly.

Rambling but get yourself to the pub, volunteer, men's sheds etc. It will be gradual but I'm sure you will meet like-minded people in amongst it all and it will grow from there.

Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #73 on: January 31, 2019, 07:48:26 PM »

Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #74 on: January 31, 2019, 07:50:38 PM »
Have you tried not being a complete and utter cunt? That usually helps me get friends.

Twed

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Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #75 on: January 31, 2019, 07:53:10 PM »
Wait, you said you already joined Slimming World. Just say what you mean. "Needing new friends who aren't so fucking fat".

king_tubby

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Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #76 on: January 31, 2019, 08:04:12 PM »
You shall go to the salsa class!

I thought madhair was a bloke? Salsa class is for women who want friends and weird creepy dudes who sweat.

Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #77 on: January 31, 2019, 08:06:16 PM »
Men go to spinning, I think.

Sony Walkman Prophecies

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Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #78 on: January 31, 2019, 08:15:46 PM »
What has to have gone wrong in your brain to like Cthulhu card games and Warhammer though? Going to another county to take part in an "X-Wing" tournament against children. This is a genuine and real thing they do.

They invited me to "Salute". I looked it up. I would genuinely rather go to eugenics than that.

I've got a mate like this, so I feel your pain. He's on the Brony/JP anime spectrum though, so much much worse than your Warhammer lot.

I can't say I've had much luck trying to wrap my head around it. Obviously a lot of it's based around reconnecting with the sense of comfort experienced in childhood. But to see someone clinging to childish things way into adulthood induces the same feelings in me seeing drug addicts choose oblivion day after day, rather than facing the painful reality of their current predicament. The really frustrating thing about this particular friend is that he knows sitting in his room all day watching Jo Jo and playing video games is a pitiful use of his time, but apparently he can't help himself.

I suppose it's all relative though. To my father, I'm a complete kiddult for having failed to produce offspring (despite pushing 40) and still not having a 'real' job. It does make you wonder what the measure of social adjustment will be once all gamers have bred children and it's their turn to offload another life to the pile. By that point, the earth will probably have had enough of us anyway. And for good reason.

Sony Walkman Prophecies

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Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #79 on: January 31, 2019, 08:27:20 PM »
I made a new friend a couple of years ago - it started off with him selling me weed, but we got on and ended up doing some music together; we did a bit of recording with one of his mates and I got him to play drums in this band I was trying to get going. He's a good drummer and he likes a lot of the same music as me. I've just gone sour on him though - he started sharing some really questionable shit on the Facebooks. Jordan Peterson videos and shit. I can't be bothered with that kind of stuff; I've got no time for negative vibe merchants, and I certainly don't want to be making music with them. He started asking me about band stuff and I didn't reply... I don't really want to delete him on there - my girlfriend did because she gives short shrift to this type of cunt - but nor can I be arsed to put any effort into our interactions any more. I'm not going to confront him about it either: I don't feel as though I know him well enough to be like, "Mate - what's the deal with this stuff you've been sharing?" I'm just going to let the association break down organically like a lump of shit in a compost heap.

The last time I met someone I actually wanted to be friends with, was about five years ago. Again it was a drummer; we played in the same band for a bit and we had a laugh and got along quite well. We had quite a lot in common personality wise though he was a bit younger than me. I was around 25 and he around 20. He opened up to me about this girl that he fancied who was a mutual musical acquaintance - he got a bit obsessed with her and couldn't work up the balls to ask her out. I gave him a bit of advice and listened to his concerns and stuff; he had poor confidence both in personal matters and his musical ability (the latter was certainly unfounded)... I asked him to do some music with me but he didn't seem to be bothered, and also tried to be social with him. He would agree to do something with me and then pull out at the last moment or not bother to turn up and claim he'd forgotten. I gave him the benefit of the doubt at first, but as time went on it became increasingly clear that I was the only one putting any effort in and I just fucked him off. Before long he got together with a lass (who wasn't cutey vibraphone girl), and after that he couldn't be bothered with anyone or anything. They then fucked off down south somewhere. I've still got him on Facebook but we seldom interact, though he did wish me well when I made a post on there about some family trouble I'd had recently. He's one of those people who outwardly seems nice and well-meaning, but ultimately is a bit of a disingenuous cunt.

Now I don't really see anyone, apart from one really old friend of mine (I recently posted about her in another thread). I went to rehab at the end of last year so I don't see anything of my group of druggy friends, many of whom go back to my school days. I could make more of an effort to interact with people but I tend to shut myself off. I don't mind being on my own, though. My girlfriend stays with me sometimes, but half the time when she's here I just want to be on my own. I'm an awkward bastard and it's easier to be in my own company. I'm mental and fucked up -  I don't play well with others. Sometimes I think, "There must be more to life than this?" Then I remember that life is shit and most people are cunts. It's like Richie says in Bottom, "If you want to have a good time - forget it."

Classic CAB post. Particularly the Bottom reference tacked on at the end. More of this please.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #80 on: January 31, 2019, 08:47:51 PM »
FerriswheelBueller's having a baby soon so maybe he or she could be your new friend.

Not if I raise him right, he won’t.

Pingers

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Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #81 on: January 31, 2019, 08:51:46 PM »
Move to Sheffield, it's full of friendly people who want to make friends. It was surprisingly piss easy, moving up here and making friends. I hardly see them now of course, having chained myself to a pair of DNA-shackles who have drilled a drain hole at the base of my bank account, plus I've forgotten how to talk to people, but those friends would be there and available had I not morphed into a void.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #82 on: January 31, 2019, 08:53:18 PM »
Move to Sheffield, it's full of friendly people who want to make friends. It was surprisingly piss easy, moving up here and making friends. I hardly see them now of course, having chained myself to a pair of DNA-shackles who have drilled a drain hole at the base of my bank account, plus I've forgotten how to talk to people, but those friends would be there and available had I not morphed into a void.

Yeah Sheffield is great, move there. Apple foraging with hippies and cider pubs. Hiking in the Dales. It’s lovely.

Buelligan

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Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #83 on: January 31, 2019, 09:42:06 PM »
I agree that cleaning an office is a shit job.

Tie your penis to a bridge.

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Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #84 on: January 31, 2019, 10:31:43 PM »
Not if I raise him right, he won’t.

But is it likely you will? Sure, the first couple of years you might put a bit of effort in but after a while you'll be so off your head on Mary Jane you won't care who he hangs out with.

Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #85 on: January 31, 2019, 10:38:29 PM »
It isn't hard to make friends outside work.  I haven't been in a work environment with friend material for nearly 10 years but I've still met loads of people and recently 3 people that I've really connected with and now feel very close too.

Just be a good person and put yourself out there, have an opinion on things but also be interested in other people.


FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #86 on: January 31, 2019, 11:06:29 PM »
But is it likely you will? Sure, the first couple of years you might put a bit of effort in but after a while you'll be so off your head on Mary Jane you won't care who he hangs out with.

Good point, well made.

Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #87 on: January 31, 2019, 11:13:41 PM »
It isn't hard to make friends outside work.

The only time one makes friends is between the ages of 4 and 14.

alan nagsworth

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Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #88 on: January 31, 2019, 11:32:23 PM »
do something meaningful and get strangers to pay attention to you

like, burn down a matalan and chat to all the strangers who turn up to witness the spectacle. "all those cheap clothes, gone" they'll say, and you can use one of the seven or eight default comebacks you've prepared, and then it's off down the pub and from that boozy meeting of the minds great friendships are forged like red hot pieces of metal, melted together and smashed repeatedly and ground away at until they are a mighty sword

of course, there are those who used to be close to you who'll ask "but why? you never seemed the sort" but you don't need them any more. you've got your new mates who look at you and think "there's my new mate who burns down matalans, i'm in quiet awe of him"

Re: Needing new friends
« Reply #89 on: February 01, 2019, 12:15:04 AM »
Boardgame meet ups. Seriously, not stuff like Magic or Warhammer or Risk etc as those communities are usually different. It's pretty much the perfect way to meet people as you'll play games with several people at a time (so it's like speed dating but for friends), there's no awkward conversation because everyone has a task in the boardgame. You're often playing new games that people have brought in and want to try, so it's good for bonding. Good age range - everyone from twenties to sixties - generally pretty inclusive. Usually pretty intelligent people are drawn to boardgames, but they're not necessarily the socially inept nerd type - lots of professionals. Better female to male ratio as well, unlike things like Magic/Warhammer etc that seem to have very cliquey and impenetrable male only communities. A lot of these communities have online groups etc too, which is also handy for getting to know people a bit better behind the scenes, or if you're shy etc.

I have made a very good friend in the past 6 months, and I'm 36 - so there is hope. One thing that many people seem to overlook is that you can actually CHOOSE your friends carefully, rather than just making friends with people through circumstance in places like school/work etc where the pool of interesting people may be very small. Seek out people with multiple similar interests and it miraculously all falls into place - so that is another piece of advice go out and do things you are interested in, because there will be other people who are interested in that thing as well and you will immediately have lots to talk about.