How do you make your bedroom look nice?

[steve98]

Cactuses are a bad idea, cos everyone knows they're for feckless dolts who can't be bothered to raise(Or aren't capable of raising) proper plants. And no bird's gonna let you anywhere near her ovaries if all you can raise is a prickly succulent.


New page. I'm replying to a poster who reckons cacti in a room will help access a girl's pants.

[Icehaven]

Cactuses are a bad idea, cos everyone knows they're for feckless dolts who can't be bothered to raise(Or aren't capable of raising) proper plants. And no bird's gonna let you anywhere near her ovaries if all you can raise is a prickly succulent.

Yes but if it actually is all you can keep alive then it's better than a dead/dying plant or nothing. I really do like them, but then I'm not the maternal type so maybe that's the appeal.

[Mr Eggs]

He wants something insectivorous to eat all the flies breeding on the cum sock pile under the bed.

A Mexican Pinguicula, perhaps.

[St_Eddie]

Pictures on the wall is the main one though, although choose wisely. I once knew a bloke who had almost nothing in his room at all except a huge, like almost actual size, map of Nottingham and the surrounding area. When I asked him why he looked totally perplexed and said "Because I'm from Nottingham" as if it was a ridiculous question and everyone has a giant map of where they're from on their bedroom wall. Our association didn't last.

Aside from anything else, you'd think that the last person in need of a map of Nottingham, would be a person already extremely familiar with the layout of Nottingham, such as a person who's from Nottingham.  What a prize plum.

[Sebastian Cobb]

All anyone else needs is a map away from it.

[grassbath]

Epipremnum (sp?) is a nice-looking leafy plant that is hard to kill and not a cactus.

In seriousness, I thought my bedroom was perfectly fine and cool and arty until I got involved with someone a bit older and then realised I desperately needed to graduate to a more minimal and adult setup. Prints, not posters. Nice lamps and candles. Some fabric freshener. That enormous stoner wall hanging of the zodiac can come down for a start.

[Icehaven]

Aside from anything else, you'd think that the last person in need of a map of Nottingham, would be a person already extremely familiar with the layout of Nottingham, such as a person who's from Nottingham.  What a prize plum.

He was living in Kent at the time and I used to imagine he'd lie there at night staring at his map of Nottingham going "Nottingham....Nottingham..." to try and force himself to dream about Nottingham, which wasn't a massive turn on tbh. Would have been ironic if it fell down and smothered him in his sleep.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Posters are sort of OK if you lob them in a frame rather than blu tacking them on the wall.

[flotemysost]

These simple glass clip frames are a fairly cheap way of making any posters, postcards, photos etc. look a bit more classy/arty: https://www.johnlewis.com/house-by-john-lewis-glass-clip-photo-frame-5-x-7-inch-13-x-18cm/p3985039

(Obviously some landlords aren't massively keen on tenants whacking nails into the wall, but even if you've got a desk or dresser against a wall that you could prop something up against, that would look decent.)

I've got one of these fuckers to keep shoes tidied away, doubles up as somewhere to sit  - it was great when I was in a tiny room with barely any floor space: https://www.argos.co.uk/product/6998484 but generally ottoman-type storage is handy for keeping your floor clear.

Wilko do inexpensive bedsheets in quite nice designs that generally look more expensive than they are.

I've got a potted parlour palm (try saying three times quickly), they're known for being very low maintenance and don't need loads of sunlight, but they look vaguely exotic and cool. Alternatively, you can get some pretty realistic fake plants these days.

But yeah, I agree with others who've said the key thing is just cleanliness. Going back to someone's room after a date and there's a pile of scummy plates and empty crisp packets in the corner... it's just not great.

[Mr Eggs]

A nice Victorian po in case she needs a quick shit.

[Twed]

A nice Victorian po in case she needs a quick shit.

I'm pretty sure you mean Vietnamese.

[Mr Eggs]

Black bin bags taped everywhere with a neon sign flashing SCAT PALACE really fast.

[flotemysost]

Or



There's a shop near me that sells a mind-boggling range of bedding like this, in all sorts of designs - tigers, sunsets, blue whales leaping out of the ocean under the aurora borealis, any kind of nauseating flammable shit you could dream of kipping under.

They also sell those three-foot high statues of blingy Buddhas or baby elephants with Swarovski crystal tears rolling down their faces. So that's an option.

[St_Eddie]

In seriousness, I thought my bedroom was perfectly fine and cool and arty until I got involved with someone a bit older and then realised I desperately needed to graduate to a more minimal and adult setup. Prints, not posters. Nice lamps and candles. Some fabric freshener.

This was exactly my thought process upon moving to my new flat at the end of last year.  I took my framed posters of science-fiction movies down to a charity shop and replaced them with nice, simple abstract art pieces.  I also got rid of things like my collectible horror movie figurines.  It all just felt very studenty and embarrassing for a man of my age and not a reflection of my current tastes.  The odd thing was that it took a flat move to come to this realisation.  It was a strange feeling; being very cognisant of becoming that bit closer to transforming into my Dad.

That enormous stoner wall hanging of the zodiac can come down for a start.

Yeah, not a great look, when bringing dates back to your place...

[Z]

Pictures on the wall is the main one though

I own a projector and don't really want any crap on the wall distracting me from the screen. I guess the wall behind me with a weird mark on it would be okay
So I should get a lamp and a plant that lives in the dark? Can't move the amazon boxes, no space under the bed to store stuff.

[Squink]

Replace the amazon boxes with something nicer and put the stuff in the amazon boxes into the nicer thing.

[St_Eddie]

Seriously.  Why do you have to store your things in Amazon boxes?!  Put some shelves up or something.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Fuck these prissy cunts. Just chuck a rug over the boxes.

[chveik]

Seriously.  Why do you have to store your things in Amazon boxes?!  Put some shelves up or something.

how middle class

[St_Eddie]

how middle class

Poor as fuck, mate.  Parents are middle class though, so... sorta, I guess?  I can afford shelves but I can't afford to order nice things from Amazon.  Go figure.

[St_Eddie]

Why not order some shelves from Amazon and display the empty box that they came in on your new shelf, like a sane person?

[chveik]

yeah I know. that was a (understandably shit) joke

[thenoise]

I own a projector and don't really want any crap on the wall distracting me from the screen. I guess the wall behind me with a weird mark on it would be okay
So I should get a lamp and a plant that lives in the dark? Can't move the amazon boxes, no space under the bed to store stuff.

Get some big curtains over the bit you point the projector at, so you can open them slightly after the film starts just like in a proper cinema.

[Mr Eggs]

I own a projector

Ahhhh... Now then. Massive pervert.

[thenoise]

Oh and get some rom coms in to show how you are in touch with your feminine side you are. Even though their sexual politics are even more regressive than half of my rape porn collection.

[Buelligan]

I would like to see someone's map (or collection of thoughtfully displayed horror movie posters) or collection of cacti (or other plants).  Anything (obviously, not anything) that's not covered in dust, is obviously cared for and reflects the person's enthusiasms and personality would be appealing. 

FWIW, I think generic cliches (unless they're ironic or you genuinely love them, in which case they are great and you should deffo have them) are not so great (fairy lights, leopard sheets, ikea "art"), just don't do it because lazy and can't be arsed to think about stuff (unattractive, that).  IMO, making a beautiful attractive room is like making love to a beautiful woman, you need to express who you are and what you love, this person is interested in you, not in a roomset.  Make your room an advert or reflection of yourself but make it a flattering one.  And include some humour, you don't want a sex-partner who is humourless do you?  Well, probably the putative partner feels the same.

I agree about lamps and candles, nothing quite kills the mood like cold white light.  And don't make a little thing near your bed like a sex kit (tissues, candles, lighter, etc) it looks awfully tacky and try hard.  Just make something beautiful that you'll enjoy anyway and reflects who you are.

[mothman]

Get yourself a solicitor that you can leave strategically placed in the bedroom, when guests enter you can introduce them to the solicitor and your status will rise.

In Z's case, the solicitor can also inform his conquests that their having entered the bedroom willingly constitutes a binding contract and reciprocal sexual activity is a legal requirement.

[Lost Oliver]

I think I'm slowly going over to the side of 'a bedroom is for sleeping in'. I know that's boring as fuck but when I go to bed I don't want to be reminded about how cool and interesting I am.

[Lost Oliver]

That said, you should see my bedroom at my nans. It's amazing. I'll post pictures if there's the demand.

[Icehaven]

Replace the amazon boxes with something nicer and put the stuff in the amazon boxes into the nicer thing.

Seriously.  Why do you have to store your things in Amazon boxes?!  Put some shelves up or something.

Yep this and this. Having significant amounts of your stuff in visible cardboard boxes is only not a bit depressing if you've just moved in or are about to move out.