Author Topic: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies  (Read 2590 times)

Blumf

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #30 on: February 01, 2019, 02:42:33 PM »
This isn’t a normal thing but I will address it anyway. In time travel stories that return to any period before 1860 does the traveller acknowledge that virtually everybody they encounter stinks of damp unwashed laundrey, B.O., haltosis, awful perfume, piss and shit.

Too busy wondering how everybody is speaking in perfect modern North American English.

icehaven

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #31 on: February 01, 2019, 02:44:36 PM »
I think it is usually more because they might do 20 takes and not want to eat their bodyweight in pasta or whatever

Yeah that too. And because chewing looks quite unattractive.

Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #32 on: February 01, 2019, 02:44:50 PM »
Nobody seems to struggle to find the hole when they get a new woman into bed. No fumbling, no accidental collisions, no hand to help guide it. Just straight in, every single time.

Also, women in Feig/Apatow comedies never seem to take their bras off when they are having sex. Always bothered me that as the male characters are usually obsessive perverts. "I've pined after you for 10 months, talked to Paul Rudd in detail about all the disgusting things I'd do to you if given half a chance and now that I've finally got you into bed, I'm declining to touch your breasts. Nope. Don't even want to look at them."

Do people sleep dribble in films?

In comedies. It's especially funny if it's a woman. Women aren't supposed to drool, Amy Schumer! How will you ever find love!?

Cuellar

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #33 on: February 01, 2019, 02:45:17 PM »
You'll notice that heroes never seem to lose their brass hands at inopportune moments like when washing a car or on a roller-coaster, and yet you'd be lying through your teeth if you said that had never happened to you.

Puce Moment

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #34 on: February 01, 2019, 02:55:50 PM »

Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #35 on: February 01, 2019, 03:13:47 PM »
You never see an old man having a Twix.

momatt

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #36 on: February 01, 2019, 03:55:13 PM »
lose their brass hands

What does this mean?
[Genuine question]

Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #37 on: February 01, 2019, 03:57:49 PM »

Haven't seen a guy waking up and his dong's stuck to the mattress and his gf makes a shrug/disapproving face/early 2000s jazz hands.

Jerzy Bondov

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #38 on: February 01, 2019, 04:07:30 PM »
Man uploading his electricity meter readings to ovo.com

St_Eddie

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #39 on: February 01, 2019, 04:18:28 PM »
Going to the toilet after sex and spraying everywhere because your piss hole is all gummed up

This is the only scene I remember about Me, Myself and Irene.  It's pretty funny.
Soz.

Me, Myself and Urine.

I think it is usually more because they might do 20 takes and not want to eat their bodyweight in pasta or whatever

This is correct, or at least it's the most common explanation.

Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #40 on: February 01, 2019, 05:02:02 PM »
There is a funny scene of a man paying his bills in 'The Opposite of Sex'.


Blumf

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #42 on: February 01, 2019, 05:14:27 PM »
Man uploading his electricity meter readings to ovo.com

Error Flynn does in Footsteps in the Dark (1941)

Ballad of Ballard Berkley

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #43 on: February 01, 2019, 05:45:45 PM »
What does this mean?
[Genuine question]

It's a reference to a running gag in the Bob Mortimer and Andy Dawson podcast Athletico Mince.

St_Eddie

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #44 on: February 01, 2019, 06:34:48 PM »
dirty bastard.

That gif is making me feel genuinely queasy.  Bleurgh!

momatt

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #45 on: February 01, 2019, 07:05:03 PM »
It's a reference to a running gag in the Bob Mortimer and Andy Dawson podcast Athletico Mince.
Ah ok.  So it's meant to be silly and nonsensical.  Thanks!

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #46 on: February 01, 2019, 07:19:08 PM »
Coughing, sneezing, throat clearing, hiccuping, burping, farting (unless it's related to the plot or for a joke).

Yeah.  You always get characters thinking aloud when they are on their own; filmmakers should instead find ways to include exposition by having these characters wandering around their empty homes and farting.

Malcy

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #47 on: February 01, 2019, 07:28:01 PM »
No one ever stumbles over their own words or get things they say wrong. Same for choking on your saliva a little bit mid sentence.

Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #48 on: February 01, 2019, 07:35:28 PM »
Person rings the doorbell and it's locked from the inside and they can't find the fucking keys.

purlieu

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #49 on: February 01, 2019, 11:00:08 PM »
No one ever stumbles over their own words or get things they say wrong. Same for choking on your saliva a little bit mid sentence.
Currently rewatching Dad's Army, and Arthur Lowe is always stumbling over his lines, and I find it makes the whole thing so much better.

Ballad of Ballard Berkley

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #50 on: February 01, 2019, 11:05:59 PM »
Currently rewatching Dad's Army, and Arthur Lowe is always stumbling over his lines, and I find it makes the whole thing so much better.

It was always rather charming whenever Hancock stumbled over his lines, as he'd usually accompany the faux pas with a fleeting "I fucked that right up, didn't I?" glance to the audience and a stifled chuckle. It's nice to be reminded that Hancock enjoyed a laugh, he wasn't utterly miserable all the time.

mothman

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #51 on: February 02, 2019, 09:14:51 AM »
Person rings the doorbell and it's locked from the inside and they can't find the fucking keys.

People can’t find their keys all the time in films. They usually then get murdered while fumbling for them.

What you don’t see is doors having been locked from the inside and the keys left in the door so you can’t put your key in to unlock them until you’ve hammered on the door for them to come remove them or unlock the door for you. This happens to me every day when I get home from work (my wife is at home all day).

Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #52 on: February 02, 2019, 09:37:35 AM »
Chiseling snow off of windscreens or waiting for the heaters to demist windows. In winter scenes they get in the car and drive off. It would be a good spot of filler for a scene with heavy dialogue.

Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #53 on: February 02, 2019, 09:39:57 AM »
man doing a wee and flushing half way through and racing it.

Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #54 on: February 02, 2019, 10:45:00 AM »
Is James Finlayson the only person to fall up a staircase in Way Out West (1937)?
Nobody ever slightly misjudges and bashes their shin.

He's the only person to do it in Way Out West

There is a great bit in Out of Sight though where the dumb baddie trips up the stairs while holding a shotgun and blows the top of his head off

Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #55 on: February 02, 2019, 10:48:36 AM »

I haven't seen a film where a character remarks on how he can see those small floating threads in his eyes and wonders what they are.

zomgmouse

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #56 on: February 02, 2019, 11:44:32 AM »
A couch giving you back pain

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #57 on: February 02, 2019, 11:52:10 AM »
In many respects a director like David Lynch is looking at the potential of cinema realistically and using its difference from reality to the full. Realistic cinema is lying to itself.

Prison Biscuits

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #58 on: February 02, 2019, 01:00:45 PM »
You never see a police detective on the case go off the case and go to the supermarket, and walk around saying "peas... peas... marrowfat peas? what even is the difference? why... fresh peas... but think of the preparation time... god, why do we bother" and then he goes home and watches Father Of The Bride 2 in real time mostly looking bored and then says "I don't know why I bothered sticking with that, to be honest".

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #59 on: February 02, 2019, 02:29:55 PM »
Someone buys a magazine and several leaflets fall out.