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Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies

Started by Golden E. Pump, February 01, 2019, 01:20:28 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

AsparagusTrevor

Quote from: zomgmouse on February 03, 2019, 11:37:23 PMThis kind of makes sense from a licensing/branding point of view. Probably costs too much to actually get to say a company's name. Which is kind of bullshit but also why give them free advertising anyway? Alternatively to simulate the reality of ordering drinks by name just make up a name.

Mmm, piss-warm Chango.

Sebastian Cobb

My parents said they were in a Chinese restaurant after last orders and had wine served out of a teapot. This was in the midlands rather than Canada though.

Sebastian Cobb

Waking up really hungover after a session and not having any clean glasses so you resort to drinking water out of a pyrex jug.

SteveDave

Walking into a room and getting the pocket of their jacket caught on the door handle and being sprung backwards.

Beagle 2

A conversation being interrupted by a dad in the next rooming burping the word "BOLLOCKS".

zomgmouse


Ferris


phantom_power

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on February 04, 2019, 12:29:35 PM
Software updates.

Or any software behaving not as expected. No crashes or anything. People typing on a screen never have to use backspace every third word

Nowhere Man

Not a movie but since it relates to the topic I remember someone on here (Goldentony maybe?) once wrote a really funny post about that scene in Breaking Bad where a frustrated Walt sticks his suddenly fully erect penis up Skyler with no lubrication or anything whilst lying sideways in bed. Just bish bash bosh and it's in.

The Bumlord


ToneLa

Quote from: Utterdrivel on February 10, 2019, 01:53:22 PM
Maybe she had a really sopping fanny.

Maybe his egotistical drug empire was down to a poor self image tied closely to his his teensy tadger

Both equally enjoyable.

touchingcloth

Cross posting from another thread (which is what cross posting is, so that explanation and this clarification are redundant, and the kind of thing screenwriters wisely avoid):

Quote from: touchingcloth on February 12, 2019, 09:06:03 AM
"Using a mobile phone to easily escape a predicament" is something that should be in the Normal Things you Never Seen on Screen thread, as a lot of farcical situations and whole bottle episodes are rendered absurdly unbelievable given that pretty much anyone can be contacted at any place and any time now.

So I'm not surprised at youngsters not realising Friends is old due to a lack of mobile phones alone, because sitcom writers were very slow to pick up on ways to write them into their plots, rather than clunkily writing them out to explain why not one single party attended texted Del Boy to tell him that a fancy dress party was now a wake.

I think the first time I became consciously aware of writers building mobiles into scripts in a fun way is the Nether Zone episode of Peep Show, where Mark and Jez get locked in a corridor. The easy thing to do would be to write that they'd run out of charge or, lol, credit, but they turned it into them ordering a pizza delivery which had to be posted slice by slice through the letterbox.

phantom_power

Thinking there is an extra step and doing a weird exaggerated step when getting to the top of the stairs. Conversely not noticing or misjudging the height of a kerb and jarring your back

Typing on a keyboard properly

Walking into a warm room from the cold and having your glasses steam up. This happens most often walking into a pub, which is hard when it is packed and you can't see where you are going

Washing up

Pulling all the cushions off the sofa to find the TV remote

St_Eddie

Quote from: phantom_power on February 12, 2019, 09:53:36 AM
Typing on a keyboard properly

On that note; using a controller to play a videogame.  I'm sick of seeing actors hammering away at every single button on a controller simultaneously, like an angry gibbon having an epileptic fit.

I know that actors are busy getting paid to pretend to be people with a soul and that they don't necessarily have the time, nor inclination, to play videogames in their spare time but these are the same poncy cunts who endlessly harp on about how they spent a month with the police force, in preparation for their movie role in Generic Action Crap 4 - Task Force Bollocks, to any Tom, Dick, Harry or talkshow host who will listen.  Therefore, I fail to grasp why they can't spare 30 minutes of their time to play a videogame, or watch someone else play a videogame, in order to learn how controllers are actually operated.

NoSleep

Honing in on a detail of a photo image and it getting all pixellated.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: St_Eddie on February 12, 2019, 10:06:52 AM
On that note; using a controller to play a videogame.  I'm sick of seeing actors hammering away at every single button on a controller simultaneously, like an angry gibbon having an epileptic fit.

I know that actors are busy getting paid to pretend to be people with a soul and that they don't necessarily have the time, nor inclination, to play videogames in their spare time but these are the same poncy cunts who endlessly harp on about how they spent a month with the police force, in preparation for their movie role in Generic Action Crap 4 - Task Force Bollocks, to any Tom, Dick, Harry or talkshow host who will listen.  Therefore, I fail to grasp why they can't spare 30 minutes of their time to play a videogame, or watch someone else play a videogame, in order to learn how controllers are actually operated.

It doesn't make much difference when they're still using stock library sound effects from an atari.

St_Eddie

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on February 12, 2019, 10:39:34 AM
It doesn't make much difference when they're still using stock library sound effects from an atari.

Yes, that's the other thing that bothers me.  I mean, my parents don't play videogames and basically know nothing about them but even they know that things have progressed far beyond the arcade games of their youth.  How are there production goblins, in this day and age, who still think that videogames sound like Space Invaders?!  Infuriatingly baffling.

Icehaven

They're probably (unduly) worried that the audience would think ''why are they mashing that controller while watching TV?''

drdad

Quote from: confettiinmyhair on February 02, 2019, 09:37:35 AM
Chiseling snow off of windscreens or waiting for the heaters to demist windows. In winter scenes they get in the car and drive off. It would be a good spot of filler for a scene with heavy dialogue.

William H. Macy scrapes his windscreen quite memorably in Fargo:

https://youtu.be/OQt9l34MVug

Chollis

Post coitus, going to the toilet and cleaning yourself up you fucking wronguns. Some seriously jizz-encrusted bedsheets in these films.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: St_Eddie on February 12, 2019, 11:25:04 AM
Yes, that's the other thing that bothers me.  I mean, my parents don't play videogames and basically know nothing about them but even they know that things have progressed far beyond the arcade games of their youth.  How are there production goblins, in this day and age, who still think that videogames sound like Space Invaders?!  Infuriatingly baffling.

It might be that something like call of duty is just too busy and gets in the way of dialogue.

Icehaven

Weddings where no one gets dumped at the altar, no one objects at the bit where the vicar asks if anyone objects to the marriage, no one says the wrong name during the vows, there's no fights and no exes turn up. 

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Fights where nobody loses any teeth, even when they're leathering the shit out of each other. The only examples of lost teeth I can think of is Jared Leto in Fight Club, and that one from Narcos in Game Of Thrones, just before his head goes all wrong on the floor.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on February 12, 2019, 02:27:07 PM
Fights where nobody loses any teeth, even when they're leathering the shit out of each other. The only examples of lost teeth I can think of is Jared Leto in Fight Club, and that one from Narcos in Game Of Thrones, just before his head goes all wrong on the floor.

Also fights that are just a grim scuffle with no real action. With the exception of They Live.

Small Man Big Horse

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on February 12, 2019, 02:29:05 PM
Also fights that are just a grim scuffle with no real action. With the exception of They Live.

They sent that up beautifully in last week's Crazy Ex-Girlfriend - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P89X-j-TWVE

phantom_power

Quote from: Chollis on February 12, 2019, 12:42:17 PM
Post coitus, going to the toilet and cleaning yourself up you fucking wronguns. Some seriously jizz-encrusted bedsheets in these films.

I always think that when I see people having a quickie while semi-clothed. They just put the rest of their clothes back on and go about their day. They both must have cum stains all over their clothes, and spunk dribbling down their legs

St_Eddie

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on February 12, 2019, 01:06:54 PM
It might be that something like call of duty is just too busy and gets in the way of dialogue.

Well if that's their reasoning, then I think that the production goblins will find that bizarre anachronistic Space Invaders sound effects are infinitely more distracting.

Malcy

People using a mouse while at a computer.

Cuellar

Quote from: phantom_power on February 12, 2019, 03:52:40 PM
I always think that when I see people having a quickie while semi-clothed. They just put the rest of their clothes back on and go about their day. They both must have cum stains all over their clothes, and spunk dribbling down their legs

Humming of spunk too, all of them. Those dirty dirty pigs.

DrGreggles

Quote from: icehaven on February 12, 2019, 02:03:15 PM
Weddings where no one gets dumped at the altar, no one objects at the bit where the vicar asks if anyone objects to the marriage, no one says the wrong name during the vows, there's no fights and no exes turn up.

You've never been to an Irish wedding before, have you.