Author Topic: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies  (Read 2778 times)

AsparagusTrevor

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #90 on: February 04, 2019, 09:46:40 AM »
This kind of makes sense from a licensing/branding point of view. Probably costs too much to actually get to say a company's name. Which is kind of bullshit but also why give them free advertising anyway? Alternatively to simulate the reality of ordering drinks by name just make up a name.

Mmm, piss-warm Chango.

Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #91 on: February 04, 2019, 10:55:24 AM »
My parents said they were in a Chinese restaurant after last orders and had wine served out of a teapot. This was in the midlands rather than Canada though.

Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #92 on: February 04, 2019, 10:56:15 AM »
Waking up really hungover after a session and not having any clean glasses so you resort to drinking water out of a pyrex jug.

SteveDave

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #93 on: February 04, 2019, 11:38:31 AM »
Walking into a room and getting the pocket of their jacket caught on the door handle and being sprung backwards.

Beagle 2

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #94 on: February 04, 2019, 12:19:01 PM »
A conversation being interrupted by a dad in the next rooming burping the word "BOLLOCKS".

zomgmouse

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #95 on: February 04, 2019, 12:27:45 PM »
Cleaning smegma

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #96 on: February 04, 2019, 12:29:35 PM »
Software updates.

Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #97 on: February 04, 2019, 12:53:54 PM »
Software updates.

Or any software behaving not as expected. No crashes or anything. People typing on a screen never have to use backspace every third word

Nowhere Man

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #98 on: February 04, 2019, 12:57:55 PM »
Not a movie but since it relates to the topic I remember someone on here (Goldentony maybe?) once wrote a really funny post about that scene in Breaking Bad where a frustrated Walt sticks his suddenly fully erect penis up Skyler with no lubrication or anything whilst lying sideways in bed. Just bish bash bosh and it's in.

Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #99 on: February 10, 2019, 01:53:22 PM »
Maybe she had a really sopping fanny.

ToneLa

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #100 on: February 10, 2019, 07:28:36 PM »
Maybe she had a really sopping fanny.

Maybe his egotistical drug empire was down to a poor self image tied closely to his his teensy tadger

Both equally enjoyable.

touchingcloth

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #101 on: February 12, 2019, 09:12:39 AM »
Cross posting from another thread (which is what cross posting is, so that explanation and this clarification are redundant, and the kind of thing screenwriters wisely avoid):

“Using a mobile phone to easily escape a predicament” is something that should be in the Normal Things you Never Seen on Screen thread, as a lot of farcical situations and whole bottle episodes are rendered absurdly unbelievable given that pretty much anyone can be contacted at any place and any time now.

So I’m not surprised at youngsters not realising Friends is old due to a lack of mobile phones alone, because sitcom writers were very slow to pick up on ways to write them into their plots, rather than clunkily writing them out to explain why not one single party attended texted Del Boy to tell him that a fancy dress party was now a wake.

I think the first time I became consciously aware of writers building mobiles into scripts in a fun way is the Nether Zone episode of Peep Show, where Mark and Jez get locked in a corridor. The easy thing to do would be to write that they’d run out of charge or, lol, credit, but they turned it into them ordering a pizza delivery which had to be posted slice by slice through the letterbox.

Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #102 on: February 12, 2019, 09:53:36 AM »
Thinking there is an extra step and doing a weird exaggerated step when getting to the top of the stairs. Conversely not noticing or misjudging the height of a kerb and jarring your back

Typing on a keyboard properly

Walking into a warm room from the cold and having your glasses steam up. This happens most often walking into a pub, which is hard when it is packed and you can't see where you are going

Washing up

Pulling all the cushions off the sofa to find the TV remote

St_Eddie

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #103 on: February 12, 2019, 10:06:52 AM »
Typing on a keyboard properly

On that note; using a controller to play a videogame.  I'm sick of seeing actors hammering away at every single button on a controller simultaneously, like an angry gibbon having an epileptic fit.

I know that actors are busy getting paid to pretend to be people with a soul and that they don't necessarily have the time, nor inclination, to play videogames in their spare time but these are the same poncy cunts who endlessly harp on about how they spent a month with the police force, in preparation for their movie role in Generic Action Crap 4 - Task Force Bollocks, to any Tom, Dick, Harry or talkshow host who will listen.  Therefore, I fail to grasp why they can't spare 30 minutes of their time to play a videogame, or watch someone else play a videogame, in order to learn how controllers are actually operated.

NoSleep

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #104 on: February 12, 2019, 10:14:11 AM »
Honing in on a detail of a photo image and it getting all pixellated.

Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #105 on: February 12, 2019, 10:39:34 AM »
On that note; using a controller to play a videogame.  I'm sick of seeing actors hammering away at every single button on a controller simultaneously, like an angry gibbon having an epileptic fit.

I know that actors are busy getting paid to pretend to be people with a soul and that they don't necessarily have the time, nor inclination, to play videogames in their spare time but these are the same poncy cunts who endlessly harp on about how they spent a month with the police force, in preparation for their movie role in Generic Action Crap 4 - Task Force Bollocks, to any Tom, Dick, Harry or talkshow host who will listen.  Therefore, I fail to grasp why they can't spare 30 minutes of their time to play a videogame, or watch someone else play a videogame, in order to learn how controllers are actually operated.

It doesn't make much difference when they're still using stock library sound effects from an atari.

St_Eddie

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #106 on: February 12, 2019, 11:25:04 AM »
It doesn't make much difference when they're still using stock library sound effects from an atari.

Yes, that's the other thing that bothers me.  I mean, my parents don't play videogames and basically know nothing about them but even they know that things have progressed far beyond the arcade games of their youth.  How are there production goblins, in this day and age, who still think that videogames sound like Space Invaders?!  Infuriatingly baffling.

icehaven

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #107 on: February 12, 2019, 12:00:13 PM »
They're probably (unduly) worried that the audience would think ''why are they mashing that controller while watching TV?''

Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #108 on: February 12, 2019, 12:22:32 PM »
Chiseling snow off of windscreens or waiting for the heaters to demist windows. In winter scenes they get in the car and drive off. It would be a good spot of filler for a scene with heavy dialogue.

William H. Macy scrapes his windscreen quite memorably in Fargo:

https://youtu.be/OQt9l34MVug

Chollis

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #109 on: February 12, 2019, 12:42:17 PM »
Post coitus, going to the toilet and cleaning yourself up you fucking wronguns. Some seriously jizz-encrusted bedsheets in these films.

Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #110 on: February 12, 2019, 01:06:54 PM »
Yes, that's the other thing that bothers me.  I mean, my parents don't play videogames and basically know nothing about them but even they know that things have progressed far beyond the arcade games of their youth.  How are there production goblins, in this day and age, who still think that videogames sound like Space Invaders?!  Infuriatingly baffling.

It might be that something like call of duty is just too busy and gets in the way of dialogue.

icehaven

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #111 on: February 12, 2019, 02:03:15 PM »
Weddings where no one gets dumped at the altar, no one objects at the bit where the vicar asks if anyone objects to the marriage, no one says the wrong name during the vows, there's no fights and no exes turn up. 

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #112 on: February 12, 2019, 02:27:07 PM »
Fights where nobody loses any teeth, even when they're leathering the shit out of each other. The only examples of lost teeth I can think of is Jared Leto in Fight Club, and that one from Narcos in Game Of Thrones, just before his head goes all wrong on the floor.

Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #113 on: February 12, 2019, 02:29:05 PM »
Fights where nobody loses any teeth, even when they're leathering the shit out of each other. The only examples of lost teeth I can think of is Jared Leto in Fight Club, and that one from Narcos in Game Of Thrones, just before his head goes all wrong on the floor.

Also fights that are just a grim scuffle with no real action. With the exception of They Live.

Small Man Big Horse

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #114 on: February 12, 2019, 03:25:22 PM »
Also fights that are just a grim scuffle with no real action. With the exception of They Live.

They sent that up beautifully in last week's Crazy Ex-Girlfriend - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P89X-j-TWVE

Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #115 on: February 12, 2019, 03:52:40 PM »
Post coitus, going to the toilet and cleaning yourself up you fucking wronguns. Some seriously jizz-encrusted bedsheets in these films.

I always think that when I see people having a quickie while semi-clothed. They just put the rest of their clothes back on and go about their day. They both must have cum stains all over their clothes, and spunk dribbling down their legs

St_Eddie

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #116 on: February 12, 2019, 04:02:02 PM »
It might be that something like call of duty is just too busy and gets in the way of dialogue.

Well if that's their reasoning, then I think that the production goblins will find that bizarre anachronistic Space Invaders sound effects are infinitely more distracting.

Malcy

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #117 on: February 12, 2019, 05:34:18 PM »
People using a mouse while at a computer.

Cuellar

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Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #118 on: February 12, 2019, 08:42:14 PM »
I always think that when I see people having a quickie while semi-clothed. They just put the rest of their clothes back on and go about their day. They both must have cum stains all over their clothes, and spunk dribbling down their legs

Humming of spunk too, all of them. Those dirty dirty pigs.

Re: Normal Things That Don't Happen in Movies
« Reply #119 on: February 13, 2019, 08:49:07 AM »
Weddings where no one gets dumped at the altar, no one objects at the bit where the vicar asks if anyone objects to the marriage, no one says the wrong name during the vows, there's no fights and no exes turn up.

You've never been to an Irish wedding before, have you.