You're in a bar, don't know what they serve but it's probably the usual stuff

[Dex Sawash]

That waitress has wayy too big of a chin for me

I bet she does you dirty bollocks

[Sherringford Hovis]

WAHEY GET THE FACKIN KRONEYS IN!

[screeeech]
Video jukebox halts mid-Bodak Yellow as the sectarian tribes of market-stall tracksuit cultists unite in suspicion that these mid-morning pool hall interlopers are plainclothes filth.

"Three pints o'NUMBERS, yes?" enquires the paunching neck-furter behind the jump, praying that a threadbare 2 Para hoodie is still enough to enforce the 'fists only, no cues' thread by which his last-chance license hangs...

[Prison Biscuits]

eyes glowing red, "GIVE ME A KEG OF BEER"

[chveik]

a picon-bière, my good sir

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

A gin and orange, a lemon squash, and a scotch and water, PLEASE!

[Sebastian Cobb]

A gin and orange, a lemon squash, and a scotch and water, PLEASE!

[Bazooka]

A WKD blue with the lads, don't forget the banter.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

As a beer drinker you are usually presented with different options in each place.

If there isn't a menu then how, cleverclog cunts, are you supposed to tell what bottles or cans they have without going to the bar and looking at the fridges?

They don't stock these various options for a laugh, they stock them because they want you to buy them. Most of the time bottles have a healthy profit margin on them. But it is going to take a minute because I want to make a decision, because it costs me money.

It's the terrified manbabies (generally in the 35-45 age range) who feel all emasculated by the sight of dozens of taps, none of which are Euro Lager that is pitiful, the absolutely minute flavour range that we must never ever deviate from because of peer pressure and stunted curiosity. Applies to old farts and real ale to a lesser extent as well. And I enjoy lager and cask bitter.

[easytarget]

Lager?
no
Pilsner?
no
Kolsch?
we only have IPA beers
Are they nice?
no they're FUCKING horrible
Bourbon?
no
fucksake

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Been in my fair share of arch-hipster bars and always managed to find something that wasn't an IPA or a gimmicky 9% stout.

The pale ale obsession is tedious, likewise it's tedious for the options to be Fosters/Stella/Carlsberg/John Smiths on tap and Becks/Holsten/WKD in bottled. Sometimes real ale pubs will be serving 5 cask pales and one foul piece of excretion like Black Sheep, also tedious.

Most bars with their heads screwed on should be doing:
- 5-6 cask taps with two stock choices and the rest on rotation
- A standard lager on tap, and 1/2 premium lager options (preferably better than Stella)
- 1 wheatbeer tap
- 4+ craft keg stuff
- A 50/50 European beers/craft market split of bottles and cans
- Some cider I suppose

[easytarget]

I have a narrow range of tastes for beer - I only like cold fizzy lager (I'm basically a child). Some of the "fancy" bars here really lean into the idea that beer should taste of something (something hoppy and horrible or sometimes they get freaky and add citrus or cardamom or some other godamnit settle down that's not why i drink additive). The hipster bars usually also sell a slumming it PBR/Rainer/Olympia etc acceptable sparkly ice-cold orange nonsense so I'm good there.

[kittens]

like lager. like a big cup of the lager that tastes like crisps. pilsner. dunno

[Emotional Support Peacock]

Large glass of Rioja thanks.

[hummingofevil]

Been in my fair share of arch-hipster bars and always managed to find something that wasn't an IPA or a gimmicky 9% stout.

The pale ale obsession is tedious, likewise it's tedious for the options to be Fosters/Stella/Carlsberg/John Smiths on tap and Becks/Holsten/WKD in bottled. Sometimes real ale pubs will be serving 5 cask pales and one foul piece of excretion like Black Sheep, also tedious.

Most bars with their heads screwed on should be doing:
- 5-6 cask taps with two stock choices and the rest on rotation
- A standard lager on tap, and 1/2 premium lager options (preferably better than Stella)
- 1 wheatbeer tap
- 4+ craft keg stuff
- A 50/50 European beers/craft market split of bottles and cans
- Some cider I suppose

The lack of any decent keg in most pubs puts me off going out. Up here we have SJF pubs and they are so frustrating.

The Bacchus has a beer selection that is excellent with 6 cask and 6 keg and always a full range from weak pales up to mental imperial stouts and everything in between. The Bodega (my favourite) is better for cask and has a Jaipur and another Wylam on keg but not so much crazy stuff then the drop off in range in their other pubs is a real shame.

Stumbled across the Shiremoor Farm the other day and its a lovely building, they do nice food (I don't normally like food pubs but this was fine - black pudding scotch eggs - mmm) but the beer choices were very average. 3 pale ale on cask and no craft on cask. Had a coffee instead.

I'm sure these places know their clientel better than I do but it annoying.

Then we have The Free Trade and I forget how bloody spoiled we are with that place. Two independent permanent lagers for a start (Donzoko Helles is lush).

[ToneLa]

"The usual stuff" is surely usually fuckin shite Fosters Carling John Smiths. All your perfect independent pub dreams make me jealous!

Sadly. Fucking hell, was in a pub yesterday - I'm not spoiled for choice round here - and they literally only had Bud and Becks in bottles if you didn't fancy Carling or Fosters but wanted beer. BLEAK.

Out Mout cider though, did the job.

[grassbath]

Kronenberg. KRONEY! WAHEY GET THE FACKIN KRONEYS IN!



Kronenberg.

This. Except it must be requested as 'pint of numbers.'

[Sebastian Cobb]

This. Except it must be requested as 'pint of numbers.'

That'd probably get you 80/- round these parts. A beer that is the antithesis of 'ledge'.

[bgmnts]

What's the one drink in a pub that if they didn't have would make you feel a bit weirded out?

[ToneLa]

What's the one drink in a pub that if they didn't have would make you feel a bit weirded out?

Water

[Cuellar]

What's the one drink in a pub that if they didn't have would make you feel a bit weirded out?

Piss. Who doesn't have piss?

[sick as a pike]

A gin and orange, a lemon squash, and a scotch and water, PLEASE!

It's taken me this number of years to realise that Mr Wareing is played by the same actor (Terence Conoley) as Mr Johnston in Waldorf Salad; "Well, deduct half now and if my wife brings the other half up during the night we'll claim the balance in the morning."

[touchingcloth]

Tae wagons a pish ma man ye kno? Wagon fe me n wan fae the rood.

[shiftwork2]

It took seeing it written down to make me reflect on gin and orange.  Gin...and orange?  I've never even heard of this being a thing.  Tempted to have a go.

[Ferris]

The least-bad macro lager please!

[touchingcloth]

It took seeing it written down to make me reflect on gin and orange.  Gin...and orange?  I've never even heard of this being a thing.  Tempted to have a go.

Don't you never sip on gin and juice with your mind on your money and your money on your mind?

[shiftwork2]

Oh yeah there's that isn't there. Doesn't define his juice though, could be tomato for all we know.  Actually that could have legs - a botanical Bloody Mary.

[bgmnts]

What would you most like to drink out of a stripper's anus?

[Bazooka]

A cup of weak lemon drink.