The greatest thing you ever found

[samadriel]

Dedicated jointly to Jon and to Roderick Shafton

How sweet.

EARTHY MUSK OF A NEW PAGE

[The Bumlord]

"I shat an absolute monster earlier but I fed it to Ben before I came here.  It really fired him up; he shot two loads up my dumper and ate practically the whole of my log."

[Brundle-Fly]

On a caravan holiday, I spotted a gold ring with four diamonds and three sapphires in a car park in 1977. I gave it to my mum and she put up a found notice in the site office but nobody ever claimed it. It was valued at £300 and I've just discovered that would be £1,850.60 in today's money. I told my mum it was her birthday present for the next twenty years. She much later confessed that she always thought it was a fuddy duddy old woman's ring and would never wear it. She is eighty-three now and still has the same opinion.

[Icehaven]

A £20 note blowing down the pavement outside work when I was absolutely boracic a week before payday. Not a soul in sight to even attempt to reunite it with either, I was so happy.

[grassbath]

I think I found the quoit story that got printed. Warning, NSFW or anywhere, really.

https://www.nifty.org/nifty/bisexual/urination/il-menu-marrone

Angelina Jolie is another celebrity whose particular fetishes can only be fully explored in the incomparable surroundings of the Stronzo.  Suffice it to say that poor Jennifer didn't have a hope after the night when Angelina grunted out a huge steaming shit torpedo onto Brad's chest and demanded a buggering from him.

That is absolutely hilarious.

[Flouncer]

On a caravan holiday, I spotted a gold ring with four diamonds and three sapphires in a car park in 1977. I gave it to my mum and she put up a found notice in the site office but nobody ever claimed it. It was valued at £300 and I've just discovered that would be £1,850.60 in today's money. I told my mum it was her birthday present for the next twenty years. She much later confessed that she always thought it was a fuddy duddy old woman's ring and would never wear it. She is eighty-three now and still has the same opinion.

Argh, this has dredged something up for me... When I was about seven or eight, we'd recently moved into an old house. I was helping my mum in the front garden one day, doing some digging, and I found an old silver engagement ring with a sapphire in it. My mum said she'd put it in her jewlery box and save it for when I got engaged. A few years ago I asked her about it and she fucking swore blind that I'd given it to her! Did I fuck. I'm still kind of pissed off about that - I wouldn't mind but this is a classic example of her changing her mind about something after the fact and deciding that's the reality of the situation - like the time she got me to go to the post office with her and empty my savings account, saying she'd give me the money back at a later point, then after a couple of years I brought it up and she claimed that she'd never agreed to repay me. Nice one, mother.

[Sebastian Cobb]

My mate Dan found a discarded vibrator in the grass next to his tent at a festival, slightly baffling why anyone decided they couldn't do without it it for a couple of nights away presumably getting off their nut only to lob it out.

Anyway, he hid it in his brother's bag.

[Brundle-Fly]

Argh, this has dredged something up for me... When I was about seven or eight, we'd recently moved into an old house. I was helping my mum in the front garden one day, doing some digging, and I found an old silver engagement ring with a sapphire in it. My mum said she'd put it in her jewlery box and save it for when I got engaged. A few years ago I asked her about it and she fucking swore blind that I'd given it to her! Did I fuck. I'm still kind of pissed off about that - I wouldn't mind but this is a classic example of her changing her mind about something after the fact and deciding that's the reality of the situation - like the time she got me to go to the post office with her and empty my savings account, saying she'd give me the money back at a later point, then after a couple of years I brought it up and she claimed that she'd never agreed to repay me. Nice one, mother.

She sounds delightful.

[Buelligan]

Looks like you found out not to trust your mum then.  Makes me almost glad mine's dead (not really, mine was nice).

Sorry but I think we all agree she deserves it.  Do we?  Yep.

[Ornlu]

£15.60

[Flouncer]

That was a bit of a one-sided account of our relationship: I should add that she has helped me out in other ways over the years, so she presumably felt that she was entitled to the money with at least some degree of justification - she should fucking well say so, though, that being the case, rather than just bullshitting me then inventing an alternate reality to absolve herself. She's not a horrible bitch or anything; usually when she does something shitty she's doing it at the behest of my dad, who really is a prick.

[MrSerious]

A baccy tin crammed with Jim and William* and several pre-rolleds.

Pretty bloody incredible as a 17 year old stoner.

*weed

[Buelligan]

That reminds me, when I was skint as all hell and still a smoker and had no cigs, I walked out of work one night and right in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the fucking night, right at my feet, lay a new pack of my brand of tobacco.  Only a smoker can understand how that made me feel.

[Shit Good Nose]

Couple of fivers and tenners over the years, and once a twenty.  That's it.  Never even found porn mags in the woods.

[ToneLa]

Double pack of unopened Rizla
San Miguel glass on a garden wall

[Rizla]

Pulled a 1975 WEM Power Musette Mk2 out of a skip in 1996, I still have it to this day, great amp.

[Flouncer]

A lad I used to play in a band with had a Twin Reverb clone badged as a Pearl; it was a great amp. He found it in the ruins of a burnt out youth club.

[Drop Dead Fred]

Back in 2007, I found an immaculate sixties/seventies Raleigh Merlin bike in a skip behind Halfords. All it needed was a bit of oil on the chain, a wipe over with a bit of cleaner and a new inner tube on the front wheel. I whizzed about on it for a year until some thieving bastard shithead stole it from the bike rack at the railway station.

[Head Gardener]

a Deroy private pressing of an unreleased folk album at a car boot sale, a dealer from Italy gave me £600 for it after I'd taped it
and true love as someone mentioned earlier, ahhh

[a duncandisorderly]

Pulled a 1975 WEM Power Musette Mk2 out of a skip in 1996, I still have it to this day, great amp.

nabbing a mid-70s orange OR120 for £249 in late 2000 is probably in my top ten; we'd only gone in the shop because my mate was jonesing for a vintage fender jazz like the one I'd just brought back from stockholm. this orange had been dumped there by 'the offspring', who'd schlepped it all round europe & then been told by their tour manager that it was too heavy to take to the USA. I got £20 knocked off for cash & for telling the shop I'd take it whether it worked or not. this was in oxford road, manc-land. same amp, same condition, in london would've been closer to a grand. all I've ever had to do to it is clean the FAC switch.

#1 is definitely the mrs though.

[QDRPHNC]

A BBQ chicken wing nestled in a light fitting on the wall of a hotel hallway.

[Rizla]

If we're talking charity shop bargains, a copy of Fresh Maggots debut LP for 50p. Poor condition but still sold to a Belgian for £95, such was the rarity.

[Small Man Big Horse]

I found a Steps single signed by the entire band in a charity shop about 10 years ago, and put it up on ebay for £1.99 and no bastard bought it. :(

Other things I've ever found:
A sofa bed outside someone's house - Back in 1996, and rather than just nick it I knocked on the door to make sure it was okay to take and they were more than happy for me to do so, and it saved me having to buy a second hand one for £50+
£20 on the floor of the local newsagents back in 1980. I stupidly gave it to the shopkeeper who impressed by my honestly gave me some penny sweets, and only years later did I realise he probably kept it to himself and spent it on, I don't know, several bars of gold or something like that.
The Prestige on DVD - It was just sitting on a garden wall, the first time I walked past I left it but a day later it was still there so I took it home. Never did get round to watching it though and eventually gave it to a charity shop two years ago.
A Wheely Chair - Just on the pavement near to where I lived. Was in great condition and served me well for about a decade.
Disclosure by Michael Crichton - On the table of an empty train. I read 10 pages and then put it back as it was awful.

[rasta-spouse]

I found a wormhole once. Not a worm's hole right, but the kind of thing predicted by Einstein's theory of relativity. Anyway, I clogged it up with dirt.

[Brian Freeze]

The found jewellery has reminded me of finding a gold bracelet in the car park of the swimming baths, showed mum who said to give it to the reception desk. She reckoned that the lady behind reception was wearing it next week when we went. This was thirty odd years ago and it's only just occurred to me it might have been hers to begin with and she's not the thieving cow my mum has had her pegged as for nearly four decades.

Dropped my wallet last weekend at a different swimming baths with nearly two hundred squid in and am pleased to report on the honesty of whoever found it and handed it in as lost property.  Phew!

[Sebastian Cobb]

I found a phone on the bog roll despenser in one job. It had the dude's name on the home screen, so I found him on the internal messenger and told him to come and get it. This favour has been returned to me on more than one occasion plus a knowing smile from the receptionist.

[bgmnts]

The found jewellery has reminded me of finding a gold bracelet in the car park of the swimming baths, showed mum who said to give it to the reception desk. She reckoned that the lady behind reception was wearing it next week when we went. This was thirty odd years ago and it's only just occurred to me it might have been hers to begin with and she's not the thieving cow my mum has had her pegged as for nearly four decades.

Dropped my wallet last weekend at a different swimming baths with nearly two hundred squid in and am pleased to report on the honesty of whoever found it and handed it in as lost property.  Phew!

I dropped a fiver once outside of Gamestation, took me a minute to notice it fell out of my wallet.
The bloke I was with said some fat woman it up, i confronted the woman with her fat fella and kid. One of those families.

They were slimy as fuck and said they never did nuffin.

Setting a nice example for their nipper there.

Cunts.

[Prison Biscuits]

A pristine, untampered with satsuma wrapped up in a TV Quick article about The Cheeky Girls. You might think that isn't much, but I ate and wanked like a king that day.

[flotemysost]

Earlier today I was browsing CDs in Oxfam, and I found an album by the band of an Australian bloke I met (and got off with) at Reading festival when I was 17. I'd never heard a single thing about them before or since - I'm not sure how I remembered the name after all these years, my brain has a fantastic capacity for retaining useless bollocks details from years ago. I checked the liner notes and it was recorded in Melbourne so I'm sure it must have been them.

I suppose the CD sections in charity shops (round here at least) always seem to be 80% mid-2000s landfill indie bands, so it fitted the bill.

[flotemysost]

A pristine, untampered with satsuma wrapped up in a TV Quick article about The Cheeky Girls. You might think that isn't much, but I ate and wanked like a king that day.

That's amazing. Sounds like someone was laying the foundations for a niche asphyxiwank though.