Topic: When your local takeaway blatantly buys their ingredients from Lidl

[Buelligan]

And until you've eaten my (non-Italian) mate's freshly made pasta, you've never eaten actual shit.

He's a terrible cook and, bless him, he always brings his latest endeavours to our gents gatherings.  We just don't have the heart to tell him nearly all of it is dogshit, mainly cos he had a stroke some years ago and we feel a bit sorry for him.

He did make some nice wild garlic bread.  Once.

Aww, that sounds very sad.  I'm sure he'll get better with more practice.  I always think cooking, rather like painting or singing or sex, gets immeasurably better with confidence and relaxation and there's nothing like a bit of practice to boost that.

[Shit Good Nose]

Well he's 39 and has been "cooking" since I've known him (getting on for 25 years), and he's always been terrible.  Sometimes you have to accept that there's no hope.

[Buelligan]

I never accept that one.  It's not who I am.

[Shit Good Nose]

You haven't eaten any of his slops...

[Captain Z]

I will take a closer look at this

"Linda, clear my diary. I must research the economics of independent takeaway businesses for a thread on CaB..."

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

It's the simple lunch "get what you're given" eateries and the intimate osterias that do fresh pasta in Italy. The more formal and larger Restaurants may not do so.

Personally I've had plenty of good pasta dishes using dried pasta so it isn't a big one for me either way.

[Shit Good Nose]

It's the simple lunch "get what you're given" eateries and the intimate osterias that do fresh pasta in Italy. The more formal and larger Restaurants may not do so.

Personally I've had plenty of good pasta dishes using dried pasta so it isn't a big one for me either way.

De Cecco is so good I honestly don't see the point in the hassle of making your own and risking it being a disaster.  It's like making your own bread - you spend a day and about £5 making your own, and it comes out tasting like bland cake.  Vot is point?

[Huxleys Babkins]

I'd probably be a bit peeved if I'd been served Pataks at a restaurant, particularly after Priti Patel made the case that curry chefs were highly skilled specialists and deserved preferential immigration status over queue-jumping drains on society like Latvian surgeons.

[bgmnts]

My pasta is excellent.  Just wanted to make sure that was recorded.  And so is the handmade pasta of my friends.  Until you have eaten freshly made ravioli, tossed in a little butter and fresh sage, your mouth has not experienced full orgasm.

I can echo this.

[hummingofevil]

Lidl in Battle Hill has pickled onions and gherkins and cabbage. It has apples but no Granny Smiths. It does not have lime leaves, palm sugar or fish sauce.

[PlanktonSideburns]

I like shops

[Buelligan]

De Cecco is so good I honestly don't see the point in the hassle of making your own and risking it being a disaster.  It's like making your own bread - you spend a day and about £5 making your own, and it comes out tasting like bland cake.  Vot is point?

Because good fresh bread is sublime and if you have the time to make it and the skill, it genuinely is superior to bread from the shops.  I think it's perfectly reasonable for people who don't have the time or skill to make their own food to buy ready made.  I think it's utterly unreasonable for them to say that there's no difference between the two things.  There is a difference.

[rectorofstiffkey]

De Cecco is so good I honestly don't see the point in the hassle of making your own and risking it being a disaster.  It's like making your own bread - you spend a day and about £5 making your own, and it comes out tasting like bland cake.  Vot is point?

I made Delia's coleslaw recipe for guests once.  Approximately seven pounds spent on different veg, mayonnaise, various stuff I didn't have, plus the hour spent chopping.  It tasted not quite as nice as the stuff you'd buy for £2....glad I tried doing it once, but I wouldn't rush to do it again for the sake of presenting something 'homemade'.

[Buelligan]

Maybe you should've spent the time and money making this extremely good baked cheesecake of Delia's.  Even a novice can make it, it's outstandingly good, looks good and it doesn't take too long either.  I use mascarpone for the full fat cheese.  I've made it a million times (maybe not a million).  Obviously, you could use any fruit, whatever's best on the day.

[rectorofstiffkey]

Maybe you should've spent the time and money making this extremely good baked cheesecake of Delia's.  Even a novice can make it, it's outstandingly good, looks good and it doesn't take too long either.  I use mascarpone for the full fat cheese.  I've made it a million times (maybe not a million).

Thanks for the tip!  that looks lovely, I've never seen that recipe before.  I like cheesecake but not claggy ones so that one looks perfect.

this is the coleslaw I made.  Looking at the recipe again, it was even more faff than I remembered....'four star' coleslaw indeed, one and a half stars more like, and that's being generous.

[Buelligan]

It says the page is not found.  She's obviously trying to row back now, the lying cow.  Do the cheesecake though, easy as arse and looks right posh and treaty.

If I was going to criticise, I'd say the base should be crisper.  I plan to try adding a layer of sugar and maybe, grilling it first or blowtorching it to see if I can build up some real crunch.  Or, I suppose, one could try cooking the cheese bit and putting it on the base just before serving, it would be a fiddle but what a fiddle!

[Pijlstaart]

Global world, when we're all connected our skills can reach further, and the tesco coleslaw man of yesteryear would be inaccessible, making his ancient coleslaw on a remote hillside, to be tasted by only a few. You can get it home delivered now, a blessing, and he too can get your things on the cheap, whether you are a midwife or a tree surgeon or a customer service rep, he can have would you would do, it's all on the internet now. Best leave it to the professionals, and I would be loathe to even wash now, as it would be a pitiful job in comparison to a professional washer.

[Buelligan]

Buy a Kärcher and scream at the guards until they oblige, like a normal person.

[FerriswheelBueller]

Just to chime in - pasta is laughably easy to make. Not saying that to take away from anyone, but it’s literally “mix eggs, salt, flour, oil, a little water. Let rest for an hour. Roll thin and shape, and cook the same way as dried pasta”. It is also no discernibly better than dried pasta unless you use super nice flour and olive oil.

I mention it here only because I used to cook it to impress girls. Cheap, easy, and you look like you know what you’re doing (and that was just me! Hahahahaha). Never worked of course, but I give the idea out to all of you in the hope of doing better with it.

[Kelvin]

I never accept that one.  It's not who I am.

Do you know, Buellers, I heard a song a few weeks ago, and thought, "This feels like it could be Buellers theme." Not in a sarcy or dismissive way, just to be clear. I really thought it summed up your wonderful optimism and positive energy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHCGfWfr43w&t=7s

It's from a melancholy, wierd video game, but I can't hear it and not think of you now. :)

[Shit Good Nose]

Thanks for the tip!  that looks lovely, I've never seen that recipe before.  I like cheesecake but not claggy ones

You could also try my preference of a cold-set cheesecake - even easier and it guarantees to maintain the smooth creaminess of the sweet cheese topping. 

Obviously you can only go the cold-set route with certain cheesecakes (many of them require at least some oven time), but it also means you can go as thin or as thick with the biscuit base as you like without compromising the sweet cheese topping.

[Buelligan]

Do you know, Buellers, I heard a song a few weeks ago, and thought, "This feels like it could be Buellers theme." Not in a sarcy or dismissive way, just to be clear. I really thought it summed up your wonderful optimism and positive energy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHCGfWfr43w&t=7s

It's from a melancholy, wierd video game, but I can't hear it and not think of you now. :)

Awww!  That's so incredibly nice!  Thank you!!11!!  :)

[rectorofstiffkey]

You could also try my preference of a cold-set cheesecake - even easier and it guarantees to maintain the smooth creaminess of the sweet cheese topping. 

Obviously you can only go the cold-set route with certain cheesecakes (many of them require at least some oven time), but it also means you can go as thin or as thick with the biscuit base as you like without compromising the sweet cheese topping.

Do the cold-set ones contain gelatine, or are they just whipped cream/cheese?  I tried a jelly-based Mary Berry one, it's nice but it's not quite cheesecake, it's like thick flavoured jelly on biscuit.  Hope this isn't an impertinent question Mr Nose, is there anyone particular's recipe whose is the nicest?

[im barry bethel]

Until you have eaten freshly made ravioli, tossed in a little butter and fresh sage, your mouth has not experienced full orgasm.

You ain't fooling no one

[hummingofevil]

This is the real good stuff. Forgiving her American mangling of German words her recipe and technique is spot on. You can get a spaetzle maker (it’s like a grater with bigger holes and a slidey thing on it) on Amazon for about £8 and it’s the best thing you will ever buy. It’s like little drops of super simple pasta that you can fry in butter and herbs, have as a side with goulash or paprikash or (the best) make a kasespaetzle by adding it to cream and melted emmenthal, grilling it and top with chives and fried onions. Absolute heaven of a food.

https://youtu.be/pW1TJWei6Uo

[Buelligan]

Thanks for that most interesting vid, humming, looks great and I loved the way the woman and man interacted too, very good.

[Shit Good Nose]

Do the cold-set ones contain gelatine, or are they just whipped cream/cheese?  I tried a jelly-based Mary Berry one, it's nice but it's not quite cheesecake, it's like thick flavoured jelly on biscuit.  Hope this isn't an impertinent question Mr Nose, is there anyone particular's recipe whose is the nicest?

No gelatine, just cream cheese, sugar (either mixed with water into a syrup, or fine caster so you don't get a granulated cheese mix), vanilla (extract or seeds), crushed digestive biscuits mixed with some salted butter (but not too much - you only want the butter as a binder and to add a touch of salt), and whatever you want as a topping (fresh fruit, chocolate shavings etc) and/or mix in.  Some recipes call for some whipping cream to be mixed in as well to fluff it up a bit, but that's not necessary - you can literally go as simple as crushed digestives, cream cheese and sugar and that's it - 10 to 15 mins to make then set in the fridge for half an hour to an hour depending on temperature.

Just Google cold-set or no-bake cheesecake and pretty much any of those will suffice.

One thing to bear in mind that you will need to use more sugar and flavourings than you would think necessary - as no cooking is involved, the flavours will be more muted than if baked.

[hummingofevil]

Thanks for that most interesting vid, humming, looks great and I loved the way the woman and man interacted too, very good.

They are great. You are very welcome.

[flotemysost]

The tonsorial equivalent of the OP's conundrum: the hairdressers I go to (which is also, incidentally, Italian) is verging on fancy, I normally only book them through Treatwell deals but they charge quite a lot otherwise. They always do a nice job, but I've noticed a lot of the products they use are from Poundland (the packaging looks like it could be a more expensive brand to the uninitiated, but I KNOW).

It doesn't bother me, 97% of the ingredients in those products are the same anyway, and the lady who always berates me for having dry hair has suggested more than once that I use olive oil as a treatment (rather than upselling me some 20 quid's worth of product, like most London salons would). She didn't specify if it should be from Lidl or otherwise though.

[rectorofstiffkey]

No gelatine, just cream cheese, sugar (either mixed with water into a syrup, or fine caster so you don't get a granulated cheese mix), vanilla (extract or seeds), crushed digestive biscuits mixed with some salted butter (but not too much - you only want the butter as a binder and to add a touch of salt), and whatever you want as a topping (fresh fruit, chocolate shavings etc) and/or mix in.  Some recipes call for some whipping cream to be mixed in as well to fluff it up a bit, but that's not necessary - you can literally go as simple as crushed digestives, cream cheese and sugar and that's it - 10 to 15 mins to make then set in the fridge for half an hour to an hour depending on temperature.

Just Google cold-set or no-bake cheesecake and pretty much any of those will suffice.

One thing to bear in mind that you will need to use more sugar and flavourings than you would think necessary - as no cooking is involved, the flavours will be more muted than if baked.

Thank you!  Sounds like just what I'm looking for.  I used to quite like the traditional cooked ones, and then an Australian Cheesecake shop opened just up the road (don't know if they're still going - haven't seen one for more than 10 years now).  Mr Rector took a fancy to them and brought them back every couple of days for a while.  It turns out my baked cheesecake tolerance isn't quite what I thought it was...after a while I couldn't face them.