Author Topic: I'm thinking of having a wank  (Read 1121 times)

I'm thinking of having a wank
« on: February 07, 2019, 09:51:28 AM »
I think I would prefer an indoor wank. I struggle with getting any female in their right mind to want to fuck me, so this seems the best course of action. Should I use my own saucy thoughts, or use Maxim magazine, or, indeed their website ( still going strong in Russia ) ? Not sure I like the " harder" aspects of Porn, always reminds me of a butcher's window.
I can afford Kleenex tissues, hand lube, enough food to make a meal for one every night, etc.
What advice do you have for having a wank, and does having a wank help your mood ?

Cuellar

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Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #1 on: February 07, 2019, 09:52:15 AM »
Don't have a wank. Wanks are cunts.

Alberon

  • His heart is an empty fridge
Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #2 on: February 07, 2019, 09:54:45 AM »
Don't worry about spending money on sex toys. String and tinfoil. Not necessarily at the same time either.

Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #3 on: February 07, 2019, 10:05:54 AM »
The way I've worded my original post makes it look as if I could afford to make a meal for one of my wanks, doesn't it ( well, I certainly make a meal *of* them, that's for sure !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :- D )? Ah, well, I've done it now ( put the post up, not had a wank ).

thenoise

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Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #4 on: February 07, 2019, 10:10:41 AM »
I'm a few days wank-free and, as usually happens, I had quite a vivid porn-frustration type dream. I was rivalling through my drawers in my parents house for my old wank stash, copies of FHm etc, but I couldn't find them anywhere. Of course, I threw them all out years ago...

ToneLa

  • Kill your masters
Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #5 on: February 07, 2019, 10:15:01 AM »
If you get a new wank, it's always worth booking a few days off work while the wank is young to bond with it.

You might also want to wank-proof your home. Trust me, my kitchen was a dangerous place for a wank before I took action. Knives, boiling water... That's no place for a wank! No, a wank in an unprepared kitchen is no laughing matter.

But nowadays, it's as good a place for any. Just change the splash guards once every six months. Cork the knives. Don't plunge your knob into boiling saucepans. Simples.

The garden is getting there too, and the neighbour lady loves to pet it when I take my wank outside in the spring, the dirty old cow
« Last Edit: February 07, 2019, 10:28:31 AM by ToneLa »

Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #6 on: February 07, 2019, 10:16:26 AM »
*thread titles you can sing to Sittin' On Top of the World*

Cerys

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Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #7 on: February 07, 2019, 10:24:22 AM »
Don't bother with the effort of wanking.  Get some electric sex pants instead.  Buzzy.

Blumf

  • Not long now
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Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #8 on: February 07, 2019, 10:26:17 AM »
I think I would prefer an indoor wank. I struggle with getting any female in their right mind to want to fuck me, so this seems the best course of action.


Norton Canes

  • The leper heart will see you for what you are
Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #9 on: February 07, 2019, 10:44:09 AM »
I had one once but after a couple of days I developed an allergy, my eyes started watering non-stop and I couldn't breathe properly, kept wheezing like an asthmatic. So I would say don't bother.

Norton Canes

  • The leper heart will see you for what you are
Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #10 on: February 07, 2019, 10:45:03 AM »
Sorry, wrong thread

Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #11 on: February 07, 2019, 10:46:27 AM »
Get a cat to save money on the kleenex.

Lordofthefiles

  • A dog with two dicks or a dick with two dogs
Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #12 on: February 07, 2019, 10:55:22 AM »
Lie on your arm to make it go numb, then lie on your cock to make that go numb too - it's like watching someone else wank someone else off.

Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #13 on: February 07, 2019, 11:14:28 AM »
Try googling 'diy wanking machines'

Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #14 on: February 07, 2019, 11:23:58 AM »
I find I prefer just thinking about having a wank that I could have in the future. Like what they say about planning a holiday.

Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #15 on: February 07, 2019, 12:00:30 PM »
I struggle with getting any female in their right mind to want to fuck me

Could you maybe get a female in her wrong mind to want to fuck you?

imitationleather

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Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #16 on: February 07, 2019, 12:27:32 PM »
I'm a few days wank-free

A sure sign that middle age is approaching.

Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #17 on: February 07, 2019, 01:45:11 PM »
*thread titles you can sing to Sittin' On Top of the World*

I'm pretty sure you mean "Sittin' On The Dock Of The Bay ".

Another glorious move from GB to HSA ( Not entirely unexpected, it has to be said ) !

ToneLa

  • Kill your masters
Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #18 on: February 07, 2019, 10:02:24 PM »
Mulling over a toss.

Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #19 on: February 07, 2019, 11:07:42 PM »
I'm pretty sure you mean "Sittin' On The Dock Of The Bay ".


also 'waiting for you' by garbage

Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #20 on: February 07, 2019, 11:22:24 PM »
fun fact: you can sing 'avin a wank' and click your fingers to the tune of 'The Addams Family' theme.

Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #21 on: February 08, 2019, 07:57:18 PM »
Just off to have one now. Will update.

Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #22 on: February 08, 2019, 08:17:23 PM »
I’m thinking of thinking of having a wank about you thinking about having a wank

ToneLa

  • Kill your masters
Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #23 on: February 08, 2019, 08:43:19 PM »
I'm wanking about having a think!

St_Eddie

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Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #24 on: February 09, 2019, 01:55:20 PM »
Don't have a wank. Wanks are cunts.

And wankers are tits.

Just off to have one now. Will update.

It's been over 24 hours with no update.  That's one hell of a wank.

Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #25 on: February 09, 2019, 02:01:54 PM »

It's been over 24 hours with no update.  That's one hell of a wank.

Well either he’s wanked himself to death, or he’s Gordon Sumner.

St_Eddie

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Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #26 on: February 09, 2019, 02:52:32 PM »
Well either he’s wanked himself to death, or he’s Gordon Sumner.

Well, if he is Sting, one can only hope that he has indeed wanked himself to death.

Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #27 on: February 09, 2019, 05:27:23 PM »
Thread titles you can chant to the " There's somebody at the door " refrain from Emu's Pink Windmill show.
« Last Edit: February 09, 2019, 05:42:47 PM by Lisa Jesusandmarychain »

Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #28 on: February 09, 2019, 07:48:59 PM »
It's been over 24 hours with no update.  That's one hell of a wank.

'cos nothing compares... no-thing compares 2 youuuu

ToneLa

  • Kill your masters
Re: I'm thinking of having a wank
« Reply #29 on: February 09, 2019, 07:50:17 PM »
Started a wank before but got tugus interruptus, so will finish it off later.

No completion = half wank at best to me. Just not sure on the chart to write down: half a wank earlier, full wank to completion later. Duration can be a false indicator.