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I'm thinking of having a wank

Started by Lisa Jesusandmarychain, February 07, 2019, 09:51:28 AM

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Lisa Jesusandmarychain

I think I would prefer an indoor wank. I struggle with getting any female in their right mind to want to fuck me, so this seems the best course of action. Should I use my own saucy thoughts, or use Maxim magazine, or, indeed their website ( still going strong in Russia ) ? Not sure I like the " harder" aspects of Porn, always reminds me of a butcher's window.
I can afford Kleenex tissues, hand lube, enough food to make a meal for one every night, etc.
What advice do you have for having a wank, and does having a wank help your mood ?

Cuellar

Don't have a wank. Wanks are cunts.

Alberon

Don't worry about spending money on sex toys. String and tinfoil. Not necessarily at the same time either.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

The way I've worded my original post makes it look as if I could afford to make a meal for one of my wanks, doesn't it ( well, I certainly make a meal *of* them, that's for sure !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :- D )? Ah, well, I've done it now ( put the post up, not had a wank ).

thenoise

I'm a few days wank-free and, as usually happens, I had quite a vivid porn-frustration type dream. I was rivalling through my drawers in my parents house for my old wank stash, copies of FHm etc, but I couldn't find them anywhere. Of course, I threw them all out years ago...

ToneLa

#5
If you get a new wank, it's always worth booking a few days off work while the wank is young to bond with it.

You might also want to wank-proof your home. Trust me, my kitchen was a dangerous place for a wank before I took action. Knives, boiling water... That's no place for a wank! No, a wank in an unprepared kitchen is no laughing matter.

But nowadays, it's as good a place for any. Just change the splash guards once every six months. Cork the knives. Don't plunge your knob into boiling saucepans. Simples.

The garden is getting there too, and the neighbour lady loves to pet it when I take my wank outside in the spring, the dirty old cow

idunnosomename

*thread titles you can sing to Sittin' On Top of the World*

Cerys

Don't bother with the effort of wanking.  Get some electric sex pants instead.  Buzzy.

Blumf

Quote from: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on February 07, 2019, 09:51:28 AM
I think I would prefer an indoor wank. I struggle with getting any female in their right mind to want to fuck me, so this seems the best course of action.


Norton Canes

I had one once but after a couple of days I developed an allergy, my eyes started watering non-stop and I couldn't breathe properly, kept wheezing like an asthmatic. So I would say don't bother.

Norton Canes


Jittlebags

Get a cat to save money on the kleenex.

Lordofthefiles

Lie on your arm to make it go numb, then lie on your cock to make that go numb too - it's like watching someone else wank someone else off.

Jittlebags

Try googling 'diy wanking machines'

Cold Meat Platter

I find I prefer just thinking about having a wank that I could have in the future. Like what they say about planning a holiday.

Ray Travez

Quote from: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on February 07, 2019, 09:51:28 AM
I struggle with getting any female in their right mind to want to fuck me

Could you maybe get a female in her wrong mind to want to fuck you?

imitationleather


Lisa Jesusandmarychain

Quote from: idunnosomename on February 07, 2019, 10:16:26 AM
*thread titles you can sing to Sittin' On Top of the World*

I'm pretty sure you mean "Sittin' On The Dock Of The Bay ".

Another glorious move from GB to HSA ( Not entirely unexpected, it has to be said ) !

ToneLa


Ray Travez

Quote from: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on February 07, 2019, 01:45:11 PM
I'm pretty sure you mean "Sittin' On The Dock Of The Bay ".


also 'waiting for you' by garbage

Sebastian Cobb

fun fact: you can sing 'avin a wank' and click your fingers to the tune of 'The Addams Family' theme.

The Bumlord

Just off to have one now. Will update.

thraxx

I'm thinking of thinking of having a wank about you thinking about having a wank

ToneLa


St_Eddie

Quote from: Cuellar on February 07, 2019, 09:52:15 AM
Don't have a wank. Wanks are cunts.

And wankers are tits.

Quote from: Utterdrivel on February 08, 2019, 07:57:18 PM
Just off to have one now. Will update.

It's been over 24 hours with no update.  That's one hell of a wank.

thraxx

Quote from: St_Eddie on February 09, 2019, 01:55:20 PM

It's been over 24 hours with no update.  That's one hell of a wank.

Well either he's wanked himself to death, or he's Gordon Sumner.

St_Eddie

Quote from: thraxx on February 09, 2019, 02:01:54 PM
Well either he's wanked himself to death, or he's Gordon Sumner.

Well, if he is Sting, one can only hope that he has indeed wanked himself to death.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

#27
Thread titles you can chant to the " There's somebody at the door " refrain from Emu's Pink Windmill show.

Ray Travez

Quote from: St_Eddie on February 09, 2019, 01:55:20 PM
It's been over 24 hours with no update.  That's one hell of a wank.

'cos nothing compares... no-thing compares 2 youuuu

ToneLa

Started a wank before but got tugus interruptus, so will finish it off later.

No completion = half wank at best to me. Just not sure on the chart to write down: half a wank earlier, full wank to completion later. Duration can be a false indicator.