Author Topic: Monogamy  (Read 1248 times)

Monogamy
« on: February 07, 2019, 10:53:37 PM »
Probably been discussed before but why is monogamy still a thing?

We all know by now two people aren't meant to be together for a very long period of time, one of them will always cheat/leave/be murdered in a short time. It's human nature, so why do people persist with this model?

It doesn't really affect me at all because I don't have that option BUT it does weirdly irritate me.

Genuine answers and actually funny joke answers please.

ziggy starbucks

  • a prize cucumber
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #1 on: February 07, 2019, 10:57:50 PM »
monogamy is also part of human nature

ToneLa

  • I don't have to dip fishsticks in shit(literally)
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #2 on: February 07, 2019, 10:59:17 PM »
Why isn't it?

Nowt against anyone as long as they don't hurt anything else, but why is it a problem to you?

Buelligan

  • STOP being afraid
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #3 on: February 07, 2019, 11:01:28 PM »
Surely the best thing in the world (for a human) would be to find a person who you'll love forever and will love you forever and be together?  I don't understand what's objectionable about that.

Re: Monogamy
« Reply #4 on: February 07, 2019, 11:04:17 PM »
Why isn't it?

Nowt against anyone as long as they don't hurt anything else, but why is it a problem to you?

Is it healthy to pursue something that doesn't really exist though? Don't you think maybe a lot of our frustration comes from not being able to achieve perfect monogamy like we've been told to and is expected of us?

I don't have a problem with it obviously, just strikes me as odd.

Sherman Krank

  • It's Chuka time
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #5 on: February 07, 2019, 11:04:44 PM »
I always go the top hat or the little dog.

ToneLa

  • I don't have to dip fishsticks in shit(literally)
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #6 on: February 07, 2019, 11:11:30 PM »
Is it healthy to pursue something that doesn't really exist though?


For you. If you're telling me I've never witnessed successful monogamy, well... You're sort of hinting the natural state is polygamy, but I'd rather be asexual, to be honest, in terms of how natural I find each to me, personally, speaking for nobody else. There's room for it all! Life is fuckin beautiful, it really is. Variety is not the spice of life; it is the definition of life

Quote
Don't you think maybe a lot of our frustration comes from not being able to achieve perfect monogamy like we've been told to and is expected of us?

No, I think our frustration comes from refusing to acknowledge we have more in common than not. We define ourselves with differences, as we are programmed to see, acknowledge negativity, or danger, to be reductionist; yet ultimately your lack of understanding of how someone else is is merely a mirror for your own experiences and level of understanding.

Indeed, I'm not even saying monogamy is The Way: I'm saying you find The Way and if it works it works and let's jettison the fuckin labels. The Way is what works for you, without, to add a moral angle, fucking people over. I for one would be loathe to tell my polygamous friend she's being immoral with her two devoted fellas. Happy for her :)

Quote
I don't have a problem with it obviously, just strikes me as odd.

People living in London strikes me as unfathomable but I own that as my property, my issue. I'm not curious, will gladly listen, just know it's not for me. :)

Re: Monogamy
« Reply #7 on: February 07, 2019, 11:12:34 PM »

Always best to rub it with a soft lint-free cloth after you've sanded it down, I find. Then apply wax for a good finish.

 

Brundle-Fly

  • I'm so Avant-garden variety
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #8 on: February 07, 2019, 11:14:15 PM »
Ask Paul McCartney. He is a classic serial monogamist.

Re: Monogamy
« Reply #9 on: February 07, 2019, 11:16:28 PM »
If you don't need it later on in your life you can still break it down for firewood.

Re: Monogamy
« Reply #10 on: February 07, 2019, 11:21:18 PM »
I've always found The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle a little overrated.


mothman

  • I don't know why
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #11 on: February 07, 2019, 11:24:39 PM »
My house is lined with rich monogamy.

ToneLa

  • I don't have to dip fishsticks in shit(literally)
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #12 on: February 07, 2019, 11:44:07 PM »
My house is lined with rich monogamy.

Spot the 1%er

purlieu

  • Woo-hoo, Lord Nimon!
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #13 on: February 07, 2019, 11:53:23 PM »
Surely the best thing in the world (for a human) would be to find a person who you'll love forever and will love you forever and be together?  I don't understand what's objectionable about that.
Doesn't mean you can't love - or be attracted to - someone else at the same time.

The idea that people 'should' only have any romantic and/or sexual feelings for one person is a very frequently a damaging one. If people were more open to the fact that, despite being in a long-term, loving relationship, sometimes it's nice to just have a shag with someone you fancy without anything else to it, then I'm sure a lot more relationships, marriages, and parenthoods could be saved. Obviously adultery being a heinous sin within Christianity is a big part of why huge chunks of our society view even looking at somebody of the opposite sex (or same sex) as some sort of betrayal.

At the same time, lots of people manage monogamy perfectly well and are absolutely committed to being with only one person without any problem. This can exist without any social constraints, and polygamy being a norm wouldn't change it.

It would be nice if, as a society, we were more honest and accepted that a lot of people 'cheat', even in loving relationships, and that suggests that perhaps polygamy isn't a hideous thing, but just something that a considerable number of people are capable of. My girlfriend and I are polygamous and have the perspective that, if the other finds happiness with someone else, then we're happy for them. As long as it doesn't actually get in the way of how much we love each other, then there's no problem at all.

Bennett Brauer

  • I'm not "likeable"
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #14 on: February 07, 2019, 11:53:28 PM »
Ask Paul McCartney. He is a classic serial monogamist.

Jane Asher would beg to differ.

BlodwynPig

  • R.I.P. The Waxwork René
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #15 on: February 08, 2019, 12:01:44 AM »
From the creator of "The Serial Zerogamist" comes This Thread.

Large Noise

  • class at fighting
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #16 on: February 08, 2019, 12:05:33 AM »
Imagine the bleakness of still being incel in the post-monogamy global superorgy.

ToneLa

  • I don't have to dip fishsticks in shit(literally)
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #17 on: February 08, 2019, 12:09:52 AM »
Imagine the bleakness of still being incel in the post-monogamy global superorgy.

You imagine it. I'm in a good mood!

kittens

  • kittens
  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • don't have a cow man
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #18 on: February 08, 2019, 12:15:15 AM »
see the thing about this whole business is: i would be very happy to meaninglessly shag many thousands of very sexy ladies, but if i found out my girlfriend was even thinking about another man i would be furious. unfortunately there is no easy way to resolve this issue, so we must stick with this system we have. please can we have no more discussion in this thread.

ToneLa

  • I don't have to dip fishsticks in shit(literally)
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #19 on: February 08, 2019, 12:16:41 AM »
see the thing about this whole business is: i would be very happy to meaninglessly shag many thousands of very sexy ladies, but if i found out my girlfriend was even thinking about another man i would be furious. unfortunately there is no easy to resolve this issue, so we must stick with this system we have. please can we have no more discussion in this thread.

Double standard there mate, nowt personal but your most treasured relationship is a palace built from a foundation of LIES

Not judging, bringing it up so we can bond in fact.

Captain Z

  • Oh yeah my cholesterol's going down
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #20 on: February 08, 2019, 12:21:29 AM »
As a society we should be more accepting of those who are polyamorous, and let's be honest some of those parrots are really sexy.

kittens

  • kittens
  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • don't have a cow man
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #21 on: February 08, 2019, 12:24:50 AM »
Double standard there mate, nowt personal but your most treasured relationship is a palace built from a foundation of LIES

Not judging, bringing it up so we can bond in fact.

i really struggle to see how that is a double standard. the standard is i am allowed to shag many birds and she is only allowed to shag one bloke. that is the entire standard. no doubles.

Ray Travez

  • devised by Graeme Garden
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #22 on: February 08, 2019, 12:25:59 AM »
I think monogamy and polygamy are natural expressions. People are fucked up in various ways though, conditioned to expect everything from one person...

Actually I have no idea. If polygamy works for you, then why not? If monogamy works for you, then why not? Seems as good an answer as any.

ToneLa

  • I don't have to dip fishsticks in shit(literally)
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #23 on: February 08, 2019, 12:27:46 AM »
i really struggle to see how that is a double standard. the standard is i am allowed to shag many birds and she is only allowed to shag one bloke. that is the entire standard. no doubles.

As long as you both get to set standards I suppose you have a point.

She doesn't ask who you're fucking. You don't ask who she's not!

kittens

  • kittens
  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • don't have a cow man
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #24 on: February 08, 2019, 12:29:05 AM »
I think monogamy and polygamy are natural expressions. People are fucked up in various ways though, conditioned to expect everything from one person...

Actually I have no idea. If polygamy works for you, then why not? If monogamy works for you, then why not? Seems as good an answer as any.

what a stupid thing to say. there is an answer that works for everyone and you are getting in the way of it.

Ray Travez

  • devised by Graeme Garden
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #25 on: February 08, 2019, 12:42:26 AM »
:D I'm sorry kittens. I didn't mean to stand in the way of your one-way, one-man shagathon

a peepee tipi

  • All facts start as dreams dreamt by a wizard
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #26 on: February 08, 2019, 12:45:15 AM »
Being madly in love with someone else and only someone else who feels the same about you and only you must be the best feeling in the world, but it demands devotion. Not that devotion is incompatible with polygamy, but it takes certain kinds of people and a very well-developed dynamic. Everyone involved has to be able to accept the other’s capacity to be madly in love with other people, that’s a tough compromise for the average person. And you gotta be okay with sticking it in someone else’s crud

Genuine polyamorous love is the dream to me, lots of respect for it and the people in those relationships always seem like the sweetest and are pleasantly offbeat in my experience. I’m not comfortable with the correlation with cheating though, to me it’s not so much evidence of a tendency or preference toward polygamy as much as it is for widespread cuntitude and people having no self-control

zomgmouse

  • I have party diarrhoea.
    • BEN VOLCHOK DOT COM
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #27 on: February 08, 2019, 05:27:03 AM »
I sometimes think people cling so much to the idea of monogamy - simply because that's the dominant mode of relationships in our cultures and it's what we've been taught - that they are too afraid of even contemplating the alternative. Maybe it's that thing of repressing something that would shatter your woldview. It's seen as such a ghastly taboo to think about someone else you're not involved with - but why? So many plots of romantic narratives contain "choosing" between people - but why? What would happen, really? Once you turn that on its head and realise there's no real reason for these angsts then it seems much less horrific.

Someone I was seeing not long ago suggested we remain non-exclusive and the more I thought about it the more liberating it felt. She did what she wanted and I did what I wanted. As long as we cared for each other and enjoyed each other then what's the problem? And I mean there's so many different variants of how it works and obviously there's room for relationships to fail - but the same is equally true of monogamous relationships.

There's enough guilt, shame, fear and doubt in sex and relationships as it is - why add an extra layer of it with the assumptions and restrictions of monogamy? Obviously it needs to be consented to by all parties and the levels of communication become compounded - but it honestly feels a lot freer.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Mountain mate
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #28 on: February 08, 2019, 05:38:09 AM »
Yeah, strange material to pick on given it can be sourced sustainably and has a far smaller footprint than steel/plastic.

Quite a lot of work to do on the sustainability front of course, the logging industry are unscrupulous massive cunts, but it isn't as though the material itself is inherently bad.

Design-wise, wood is also one of the few things that not only ages well but improves with age.

MoonDust

  • Member
  • **
  • I ALWAYS WENT TO THE CIRCUS AS A CHILD
Re: Monogamy
« Reply #29 on: February 08, 2019, 05:53:05 AM »
Although it can be argued in some circles that monogamy is a social construct that became widespread with the rise of class society, I don't think neither monogamy nor polygamy/polyamory are "human nature".

What is human nature is just wanting meaningful relationships and intimacy with other people, and the form in which that takes is cultural or personal preference.

If people are happy being monogamous, great. If people are happy being polygamous, also great.

I'm not sure why either choice made by people will "irritate" the OP. Like, I agree a bit, in that humans on the whole are bad at monogamy, but that doesn't mean we're "not supposed to be" monogamous. We're not "supposed to be" anything.

Live and let live, and don't let other people's lifestyle choice annoy you, unless such choices directly harm others or the planet.