Author Topic: Grotesquos Extra (the "Examples of you being a disgusting twat" thread)  (Read 1865 times)

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

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Re: Grotesquos Extra (the "Examples of you being a disgusting twat" thread)
« Reply #60 on: February 09, 2019, 05:35:36 PM »
I've just stuck a finger up my bottom.

Re: Grotesquos Extra (the "Examples of you being a disgusting twat" thread)
« Reply #61 on: February 09, 2019, 05:37:18 PM »
Explosive bowels and liquid shit today.

Re: Grotesquos Extra (the "Examples of you being a disgusting twat" thread)
« Reply #62 on: February 09, 2019, 05:38:30 PM »
I've just stuck a finger up my bottom.

When I was young enough to be unable to go the bog unattended (28,etc) I stuck a finger up my bum and was surprised that it came out covered in shit. My mum just dryly responded with 'well what did you expect?'.

Lost Oliver

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Re: Grotesquos Extra (the "Examples of you being a disgusting twat" thread)
« Reply #63 on: February 09, 2019, 05:43:48 PM »
When I was young enough to be unable to go the bog unattended (28,etc) I stuck a finger up my bum and was surprised that it came out covered in shit. My mum just dryly responded with 'well what did you expect?'.

How did it taste?

Cerys

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Re: Grotesquos Extra (the "Examples of you being a disgusting twat" thread)
« Reply #64 on: February 10, 2019, 01:56:53 AM »
I've just stuck a finger up my bottom.

Why did this make me giggle so much?  Why?

BritishHobo

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Re: Grotesquos Extra (the "Examples of you being a disgusting twat" thread)
« Reply #65 on: February 10, 2019, 04:22:39 PM »
No, so probably doesn't fit in the thread but it was disgusting.

This was intentional though...

At my nans and needed a piss one night. Didn't wanna wake her up by going to the toilet so pissed into a 2 ltr Pepsi bottle that was half full. Went to bed and forgot about it. A week later I was back round and I found it stuffed down the back of the couch. Opened it up and it stank so bad. Never smelled anything so bad in my life - it almost passed through to another sense. Decided I'd keep it there to show to my friends. For the next six months I'd open it up for anyone who came round and they'd get a whiff of this shit. Appalling stuff. If you took a big enough sniff it'd make you want to chuck up or at the very least make you feel like you needed a shit. And then one day I decided thatenough was enough and maybe I should actually respect the house I was in and get rid of it so when she was out I emtpied it. Down the fucking sink. What an idiot. The kitchen stank for about an hour after that. I had to open all the windows. The dog wouldn't come downstairs. Horrific.

I'm going to quote this so I don't feel quite so alone even though I think my confession will still mark me out as a disgusting little beast. I once did a similar thing - got home pissed off my face during a period where I was really just taking no fucking care of myself, and getting smashed every night and sleeping til 3pm. Dire need for a piss - no worry about waking people up, but I couldn't be bothered going downstair, so an empty glass sitting on my bedside table it was. Wake up the next morning, no memory of the night before, mouth dry, gasping for a drink. Nice full glass of water sat on my bedside table. Lovely stuff. Get it down you. One sip. Weird, tangy taste. Memory floods back. Spit it back out. Absolutely fucked up. Flatmates downstairs in the kitchen, can't take it down and empty it in the sink. Have to leave it in my room all afternoon, a little yellow monument to my shame.

Cuntbeaks

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Re: Grotesquos Extra (the "Examples of you being a disgusting twat" thread)
« Reply #66 on: February 10, 2019, 04:24:13 PM »
The Pro Move is to dash that piss right out the window.

BritishHobo

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Re: Grotesquos Extra (the "Examples of you being a disgusting twat" thread)
« Reply #67 on: February 10, 2019, 04:25:46 PM »
Why the fuck didn't I do that? I had the only window in the house that faced onto a pointless little square out the back that none of us used. Literally never used it. Right there for the dumping. Would have been fun, like being a Victorian washerwoman. Fucking waster.

Re: Grotesquos Extra (the "Examples of you being a disgusting twat" thread)
« Reply #68 on: February 10, 2019, 07:21:35 PM »
While staying at a friends house in the highlands I peeled off a massive 2-3 inch square section of the sole of my foot which had been scabbing over and then scratched again for about a year.

I placed it on a low shelf next in the bedroom I was staying in, intending to bin it in the morning.

About a month later I remembered what I’d done.

Re: Grotesquos Extra (the "Examples of you being a disgusting twat" thread)
« Reply #69 on: February 10, 2019, 08:08:24 PM »
When I was 16, at a house party, my friend vomited all over the sofa and there were bits of chicken in it. I should have been repulsed but it gave me a real craving for chicken (I wasn't long out of vegetarianism and was not a massive meat-eater, in fact I'm still not, so this wouldn't have been something I'd normally get a strong hankering for). I ordered a BBQ chicken pizza the next day and it was great.

Re: Grotesquos Extra (the "Examples of you being a disgusting twat" thread)
« Reply #70 on: February 10, 2019, 08:24:25 PM »
Sub-let the spare room in my flat to a friend and didn't realise that he spent ages in the bathroom every morning. I woke up one morning desperate for a shit and just couldn't face interaction of any kind. So I got the Guardian (which I luckily had right next to my bed), opened it up and shat on it. The worst bit is that it's impossible to shit without also doing a piss so I had to squat over the paper whilst holding the end of my cock to an empty 2l bottle of water. Worked out ok though. Had tissues in my room so could wipe, parcelled up the shit, screwed the lid on the bottle of piss and shoved the lot in a carrier bag which I popped in (next door's) wheely bin on my way out to work.

Flouncer

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Re: Grotesquos Extra (the "Examples of you being a disgusting twat" thread)
« Reply #71 on: February 10, 2019, 08:31:13 PM »
Best fucking thing you can do with the Guardian, that.

Re: Grotesquos Extra (the "Examples of you being a disgusting twat" thread)
« Reply #72 on: February 10, 2019, 08:43:44 PM »
When I was 16, at a house party, my friend vomited all over the sofa and there were bits of chicken in it. I should have been repulsed but it gave me a real craving for chicken (I wasn't long out of vegetarianism and was not a massive meat-eater, in fact I'm still not, so this wouldn't have been something I'd normally get a strong hankering for). I ordered a BBQ chicken pizza the next day and it was great.
Read the first sentence and was horrified as I thought you were going to say you picked out the chicken-chunder and prepared a little fricassee for yourself.

Re: Grotesquos Extra (the "Examples of you being a disgusting twat" thread)
« Reply #73 on: February 10, 2019, 11:05:09 PM »
Read the first sentence and was horrified as I thought you were going to say you picked out the chicken-chunder and prepared a little fricassee for yourself.

Hehe, no... although on a separate instance of prandial depravity I did once fish some (non-regurgitated) noodles out of a bin, wash them under the tap, then cook and eat them.

Quote from: holyzombiejesus
So I got the Guardian (which I luckily had right next to my bed), opened it up and shat on it

About ten years ago my mum had an operation, and was coming through the door on her return from hospital just as the laxatives (given to alleviate the constipation from opiate painkillers) started kicking in... I had to act fast and the nearest thing to hand was a copy of the Mail (she buys it for the Money section) with Nick Griffin's odious mug on the front page. I think she really relished that particular bout of diarreah.

alan nagsworth

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Re: Grotesquos Extra (the "Examples of you being a disgusting twat" thread)
« Reply #74 on: February 11, 2019, 06:40:49 PM »
A few years back I passed out at my mate's house after a boozy night there with friends. When I got up, everyone was out, so I decided to "burp the worm", as they say. Not only that, but I went into her room, found a sharpie pen and popped it in my bungus whilst cranking it. When I was done, I gave it a thorough rinse, put it back in her desk and went home. I still don't really know why I did that, it's just fun to be adventurous innit?

Re: Grotesquos Extra (the "Examples of you being a disgusting twat" thread)
« Reply #75 on: February 11, 2019, 07:07:27 PM »
Were you not tempted to twerk 'Nagz was ere' onto the wall?

alan nagsworth

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Re: Grotesquos Extra (the "Examples of you being a disgusting twat" thread)
« Reply #76 on: February 11, 2019, 09:57:39 PM »
Were you not tempted to twerk 'Nagz was ere' onto the wall?

Nah, I shoved the fucking lid end up by mistake, didn't I! Haha

Paul Calf

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Re: Grotesquos Extra (the "Examples of you being a disgusting twat" thread)
« Reply #77 on: February 11, 2019, 10:10:12 PM »
I once had sex with three different people on the same day 

Fuck it, I’m not even going to pretend this isn’t a humblebrag.