Author Topic: A toilet thread.  (Read 314 times)

A toilet thread.
« on: February 11, 2019, 04:16:21 PM »
2 things.

Firstly, how many times have you had a piss during defacation? I have only managed twice but i'm sure someone on here can top that.

Secondly, have you ever just spent time in a public bog for no reason, for how long and why?

I have been sat here at Heathrow for 3 hours and another 2 and half left before boarding and I have been sat wih my trousers round my ankles for 15 minutes now jist because it is some private space and peace and quiet.

Re: A toilet thread.
« Reply #1 on: February 11, 2019, 04:19:21 PM »
2 things.

Firstly, how many times have you had a piss during defacation? I have only managed twice but i'm sure someone on here can top that.

Secondly, have you ever just spent time in a public bog for no reason, for how long and why?

I have been sat here at Heathrow for 3 hours and another 2 and half left before boarding and I have been sat wih my trousers round my ankles for 15 minutes now jist because it is some private space and peace and quiet.

You are in the toilet, aren’t you?

Joking aside, Heathrow is a fucking horrible place, more a supermarket than an airport staffed with the rudest people imaginable. It’s even worse than Paris. So I commend you for taking yourself away from it all.

Have a wank while you’re in there. Make a fuss of yourself.

Re: A toilet thread.
« Reply #2 on: February 11, 2019, 04:19:56 PM »
Yes. Not shitting though, just shitposting.

Zetetic

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Re: A toilet thread.
« Reply #3 on: February 11, 2019, 04:20:31 PM »
Why are you at Heathrow five and a half hours before boarding?

(Assuming you didn't go there specifically for some peace and quiet in an airport toilet.)

Re: A toilet thread.
« Reply #4 on: February 11, 2019, 04:22:31 PM »
I have been sat here at Heathrow for 3 hours and another 2 and half left before boarding and I have been sat wih my trousers round my ankles for 15 minutes now jist because it is some private space and peace and quiet.

I've done this at work before, usually whilst hungover. It is colloquially known as a 'dry run'.

Re: A toilet thread.
« Reply #5 on: February 11, 2019, 04:23:40 PM »
Why are you at Heathrow five and a half hours before boarding?

(Assuming you didn't go there specifically for some peace and quiet in an airport toilet.)

I'm on a mega budget for the next four months travelling and I saved an extra £7.50 getting the earlier coach in.

I regret this, again.

mothman

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Re: A toilet thread.
« Reply #6 on: February 11, 2019, 04:24:58 PM »
Even with the heightened security present in and around airports, I'm confident they'll find nothing suspicious about somebody going into the toilets and not emerging for a long period.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: A toilet thread.
« Reply #7 on: February 11, 2019, 04:25:54 PM »
Hellish. You might have saved the same amount of money during those four months by marginally economising on 2/3 things. Definitely worth minimising any time you have to wait in an airport. Participarly the windowless Dawn of the Dead hellhole Heathrow

Zetetic

  • Burying isn't the same as killing.
Re: A toilet thread.
« Reply #8 on: February 11, 2019, 04:27:09 PM »
I reckon you could have earned £7.50 in the space of a few hours in Reading.

Re: A toilet thread.
« Reply #9 on: February 11, 2019, 04:27:39 PM »
Is heathrow one of those airports that has an artificial grass area for dogs to use.

If it does, I might have a suggestion about how to kill some time.

thenoise

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Re: A toilet thread.
« Reply #10 on: February 11, 2019, 04:30:26 PM »
You'll spend more than that on coffee or snacks in an attempt to stay awake and kill the time before your flight.  Also, your flight costs a zillion pounds, what is an extra £7.50 to the likes of you?  Miserly cunt, I hope the toilet breaks and sprays shite all over you.

Re: A toilet thread.
« Reply #11 on: February 11, 2019, 04:35:07 PM »
If you aren’t already through your gate, go and stand around the check-in desks and watch confused foreigners be told by blunt cockneys that their cases are overweight. Then watch the ensuing hilarity as no interpreter is offered and they can’t really undrstand the whole process or how much weight they need to bail, thus ensuring loud confusion and 15 irate, puzzled and insulted Africans causing absolute fucking chaos all over the place, with the check-in floor ending up looking like Mr Trebus’ house, while the staff stand around pretending not to have noticed.

Which may or may not have happened the last time I was there. Fucking horrible place.

thenoise

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Re: A toilet thread.
« Reply #12 on: February 11, 2019, 04:35:19 PM »
When I was sleeping on a friend's couch and had no money, I had a wank in the McDonalds at Oxford street.  I went into an 'adult bookstore' in Soho, stored all the memories in my brain and then chugged in out in the nearest place I could think of that was not a gay pub, or somewhere I might be surprised by a glory hole or a grinning face appearing under the door gap.  I felt low as fuck approximately 0.002 seconds after ejaculating.  I very soon left my temporary accommodation and sheepishly went 'home' to sort my life out.  I still think it was less cunty than wanking in my friend's front room tho.

Norton Canes

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Re: A toilet thread.
« Reply #13 on: February 11, 2019, 04:36:44 PM »
2 things.

Firstly, how many times have you had a piss during defacation? I have only managed twice but i'm sure someone on here can top that.

Twice ever? In your life? Or twice during one defecation?

Secondly, have you ever just spent time in a public bog for no reason, for how long and why?

No, I have never ever just spent time in a public bog for no reason. There's always been a reason.

Re: A toilet thread.
« Reply #14 on: February 11, 2019, 04:38:17 PM »
Twice ever? In your life? Or twice during one defecation?

Twice during one defecation. I can only imagine 2 at the most.

Re: A toilet thread.
« Reply #15 on: February 11, 2019, 04:39:44 PM »
You'll spend more than that on coffee or snacks in an attempt to stay awake and kill the time before your flight.  Also, your flight costs a zillion pounds, what is an extra £7.50 to the likes of you?  Miserly cunt, I hope the toilet breaks and sprays shite all over you.

The flight cost me £250 return to JFK which is cheap as chips.

I already regret my actions, though. However I spend most of my time bored as fuck doing fuck all so I am decent at not going intensely insane.

thenoise

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Re: A toilet thread.
« Reply #16 on: February 11, 2019, 06:12:11 PM »
The flight cost me £250 return to JFK which is cheap as chips.

I already regret my actions, though. However I spend most of my time bored as fuck doing fuck all so I am decent at not going intensely insane.

Big book from library = £0.
Endless hours of podcasts on whatever device you are using for this thread = £0

Kids today eh?

touchingcloth

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Re: A toilet thread.
« Reply #17 on: February 11, 2019, 06:13:32 PM »
Your a toilet.

Re: A toilet thread.
« Reply #18 on: February 11, 2019, 06:50:05 PM »
Vegas has great airport toilets, a massive excess, cheery colours and ambient music. The airport itself is massive though, so oodles of personal space. The draw of the frontier. Most british ones have a queue though, punctuated by southern europeans marching past and pushing at each door in vain. Hope the queuers all know you're not shitting and they point at you "not-shitter! not-shitter!" and you get citizens arrested and detained in the piss-trough and slung out the airport. Hope there's an inquisitive american child crawling around the toilets on his hands and knees, poking his pudding-basined head under each stall. "Good evening mistah!" he'll say, and all the colour will drain from his rosy little face as he sees you're not shitting, "Gee whizz, that fella's not even trying to shit!" and the mob breaks down the stall walls like cardboard and they make you shit, squeezing you down like a toothpaste tube until you have to shit.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: A toilet thread.
« Reply #19 on: February 11, 2019, 07:25:25 PM »
Quote
I am decent at not going intensely insane

Questionable mate

Dex Sawash

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Re: A toilet thread.
« Reply #20 on: February 11, 2019, 10:49:46 PM »

Re: A toilet thread.
« Reply #21 on: February 12, 2019, 01:14:29 AM »
In my experience, if you are going to have a Keith Vaz whilst sat on the toblerone, you need to grab your Bishop, and point it downwards into the pan. Otherwise, you are going to end up with piss on the Bodmin.