Author Topic: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef  (Read 2131 times)

"The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« on: February 12, 2019, 12:00:18 AM »
Yes, it's Buster Gonad's worst nightmare, but hey ho, here we go. Some average amateur chefs on a 2 month pan prodding odyssey.

Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2019, 10:14:08 PM »
haha!

John Torode's looking well. We'd been wondering if he was on the sauce, the way he slouched about the last few series in a cardy, all red-faced and puffy-eyed. Seems to have sorted himself out a bit, lost a bit of weight.

Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2019, 12:29:52 PM »
They got the obligatory “a soufflé? On master chef?? You’re brave...” out the way early doors

Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #3 on: February 18, 2019, 03:59:04 PM »
so we had two preliminary rounds and then a quarter final? i don't understand the structuring of this.

I also think it was mega harsh on Yui to make pretty much the best ever dish in the first round and then get eliminated for not getting venison right in the quarters.

Bobby Treetops

  • I'm at an egg farm
Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #4 on: February 18, 2019, 05:59:23 PM »
Very harsh on Yui, I'll miss her and her Bjork sounding voice.

Yui and young women with the funny looking but strangly fashionable eyebrows, where clearly the best cooks from the first week.

icehaven

  • I will be in the bar, with my head on the bar
Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #5 on: February 20, 2019, 08:46:03 PM »
Why do they wait in a kiln?

Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #6 on: February 20, 2019, 10:04:16 PM »
Why do they wait in a kiln?
The studio is a converted distillery.

icehaven

  • I will be in the bar, with my head on the bar
Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #7 on: February 20, 2019, 10:43:41 PM »
The studio is a converted distillery.

Still cruel.

Twit 2

  • Cyclone par l'immobile habité
Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #8 on: February 21, 2019, 02:16:49 PM »
Why do they wait in a kiln?

Ggrregg Wallace operates a tidy gloryhole arrangement. He arrives extremely promptly for filming so John Towroad can crack eggs on the bridge of his nose and bake him into the walls of the Kiln. The hole is not carved out because it’s Wallis’s own weight loss ravaged belk that takes the punishment. This year a group of confused theater fans wanted his arsehole to be renamed The Tricycle. The job of ‘kiln dwelling’ used to fall to Monarcha Gallenty but she won the right to abstain in a bloody tussle with Marcos Whereing. The winner of MasterCooks has to ‘do the fackin’ gauntlet’, a euphemism for John to chase you around the Kiln while Greig Wallets cackles and lobs his cock about.

Neomod

  • Oh my genitals | I'm a janitor
Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #9 on: February 21, 2019, 02:44:33 PM »
Last week's tattoo guy. "Cooking is my passion"

Had never cooked fish..

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #10 on: February 21, 2019, 03:02:23 PM »
Last week's tattoo guy. "Cooking is my passion"

Had never cooked fish..

Did he have a beard and wear beige combat shorts?

Puce Moment

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Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #11 on: February 22, 2019, 03:41:14 PM »
Last week's tattoo guy. "Cooking is my passion"

Had never cooked fish..

Delighted to see that fucking bell-end knocked out. I mean, if you haven't cooked fish before maybe have a couple of goes prior to the show starting.

Irini is a real favourite - she appears to be a brilliant cook.

Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #12 on: February 22, 2019, 03:52:27 PM »
Why do they wait in a kiln?

hahaha my gf thought it was like being stuck up in a turret for being shit

Twit 2

  • Cyclone par l'immobile habité
Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #13 on: February 26, 2019, 10:39:16 PM »
Was the Lebanese woman all there? Her dish was really simple, she literally stood around for 20 minutes, and she looked really confused and awkward during the final line up. Maybe it was the editing but she looked like she had no idea what was happening...

Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #14 on: March 02, 2019, 01:25:23 AM »
I seem to recall a hyper woman in last year's series who disappeared toot suite.

Neomod

  • Oh my genitals | I'm a janitor
Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #15 on: March 02, 2019, 03:35:10 PM »
'Neck tattoo'.

Me: Oh fuck off.

[cuts off finger] OUT!

'Lifestyle Influencer'

Me: Oh fuck off.

[Fucks up meringues] OUT!

I HAVE THE POWER!



Twit 2

  • Cyclone par l'immobile habité
Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #16 on: March 02, 2019, 09:15:30 PM »
What the fuck is wrong with the people doing risky/random/experimental/simple stuff as the very first dish?

I’ve never cooked fish.
OUT
I’ve cooked a soufflé.
OUT
I’ve just thrown some mince and stuff together.
OUT
I’ve cooked something I eat when I come back home from the pub.
OUT
I’ve cooked Albanian food.
OUT

Look, there’s tons of options in the ‘market’ - just have a varied repertoire of decent dishes and cook the one that matches the ingredients that are there. The whole conceit of the 1st dish being an ‘invention test’ is a trick, the sort of outback mindgame John would play on you before sawing your tits off. I’m going to go on this programme one of these days and show them all.

Neomod

  • Oh my genitals | I'm a janitor
Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #17 on: March 03, 2019, 12:11:07 AM »
This week Michael, when questioned on why he was cooking crab, an item he'd only cooked once before said "If you are going to try why not go hard or go home"

He went home.

Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #18 on: March 03, 2019, 09:22:09 AM »
This week Michael, when questioned on why he was cooking crab, an item he'd only cooked once before said "If you are going to try why not go hard or go home"

He went home.

In the candidacy selection process they already know(decided) who is going through, the production team are already gushing at the prospect of a Soufflés or Beef Wellington fuck up, it makes better television.

Neomod

  • Oh my genitals | I'm a janitor
Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #19 on: March 08, 2019, 07:01:32 PM »
Things look good for Corbyn Geoff.

Not so good for the guy with a brand new kitchen and 250 cookery books. Must prefer buying stuff to actually cooking stuff.

Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #20 on: March 12, 2019, 09:11:38 AM »
They're scattering this so randomly over the schedules its difficult to keep up.

Norton Canes

  • The leper heart will see you for what you are
Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #21 on: March 12, 2019, 10:17:13 AM »
Don't usually watch this but watched a bit last night. Ironically for a programme about haute cuisine it's made with all the variety and interest of a burger flipper. I made some food, here's the food, eat the food, talk about the food, emotions. I made some food, here's the food, eat the food, talk about the food, emotions. I made some food, here's the food, eat the food, talk about the food, emotions. I made some food, here's the food, eat the food, talk about the food, emotions. I made some food, here's the food, eat the food, talk about the food, emotions. I made some food, here's the food, eat the food, talk about the food, emotions. I made some food, here's the food, eat the food, talk about the food, emotions. I made some food, here's the food, eat the food, talk about the food, emotions.

Puce Moment

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Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #22 on: March 13, 2019, 10:40:14 AM »
Very harsh on Yui

Worse than that, in the following weeks they occasionally let more contestants through after the critic cooking round. But none of them were as strong as Yui. Literally, the only thing she did remotely wrong was cook game slightly wrong. The rest of her food was amazing.

Despite that, the quality this series has been way higher than previous years. In the past, amateurs have served up actually inedible food.

Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #23 on: March 14, 2019, 06:39:08 PM »
the whittling of 16 down to 12 was a classic 'cooking your weird non-Michelin shit will only get you so far' territory, though was surprised the hard-faced woman with the make-up, probably a HR person, was eliminated. they're definitely not considering previous form (which they have before, hence American Tim winning years ago despite a handful of 'mares).

Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #24 on: March 19, 2019, 11:20:37 PM »
I'm catching up a bit and there is a guy described as a 'love psychologist'. What the hell is that? Sadly, he seems quite good.

Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #25 on: March 20, 2019, 11:05:16 AM »
Apparently....
He has spent the last 25 years studying love and loss, and back in 2012, Geoff hosted a TED Talks event titled The Adventure of Grief.

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Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #26 on: March 20, 2019, 11:49:38 AM »
I like him - in fact they are overall a very likeable group this year. He seems to have an amazingly nuanced approach to cooking given that he is a complete amateur!

I have a feeling that the final will be the three older cooks - Greek lady, Jeremy Corbyn's brother and Pam St Clement.

Neomod

  • Oh my genitals | I'm a janitor
Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #27 on: March 20, 2019, 01:12:37 PM »
Watched Monday's cook off and good job John (is it?) got the boot. He royally screwed up the previous task.

Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #28 on: March 20, 2019, 03:32:44 PM »
They are a nice bunch but very posh. Even the nice old Greek lady is a retired banker.

Are the days gone when a little cockney urchin girl was in with a shot of winning? (can't remember name)

Still, I was delighted that company director failed on Monday.  Proper company director that guy. Malignant presence.

Neomod

  • Oh my genitals | I'm a janitor
Re: "The Plums Have Totally Collapsed" - Masterchef
« Reply #29 on: March 20, 2019, 05:23:04 PM »
Are the days gone when a little cockney urchin girl was in with a shot of winning? (can't remember name)

Good old Natalie you mean? A favourite of ours as was 'Ping'.