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People who think it's ok to fart in front of you

Started by holyzombiejesus, February 12, 2019, 12:21:31 PM

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holyzombiejesus

I did a joint visit with a social worker yesterday. She's nice and I've always got on well with her. However, when we got out of her car, she paused on the road, lifted up one leg and squeezed out a really long wet rumbly fart. Then she laughed and blamed her carvery lunch the day before. I thought that was horrible. I have friends that I've known for years and wouldn't ever consider dropping my guts in front of them but colleagues, men in pubs and now social workers all seem to think it's fine to blast one out in polite company (usually followed by a laugh). If you were at a C&B meet and Pancreas or Shoulders let rip, would you find it funny or would you, like me, be disgusted?

Norton Canes


Flouncer

Quote from: holyzombiejesus on February 12, 2019, 12:21:31 PMIf you were at a C&B meet and Pancreas or Shoulders let rip, would you find it funny or would you, like me, be disgusted?

When lads do it, it's all a bit LEGEND GARY. I'd tell the offending verbwhore to fucking sort themselves out. My brother's a dirty cunt - last time we were in a cab he ripped out a massive fart. Fancy doing that in a cab! The driver didn't come to work to have your rectal gases foisted on him. The worst thing from my perspective is that the driver might have thought I did it. Just wait until you get out, for fuck's sake.

Twed

It would be okay if Pancreams did but not Shouldherts.

Buelligan

I think it's wrong that people feel obliged to be in pain pretending that they don't need a fart.  This is especially awful in new relationships, jesusgod.  So, I do believe that the world would be a better place if people could just fart freely and at will.  But the world isn't like that and it is a bit weird when a stranger forces you to sniff, to breathe, their internal personal gasses. 

If you really like them I suppose it's OK, like a small baby or someone else you might like (I have no problem at all with sniffing a dog's farts for instance) but if your feelings already are running towards dislike, even hate, it really is a bridge too far, IMO.

imitationleather

Someone quote that post where non capisco farted in to a storeroom containing a female colleague.

pancreas


Replies From View

Quote from: Flouncer on February 12, 2019, 12:30:43 PM
The driver didn't come to work to have your rectal gases foisted on him.

How do you know.

Buelligan

[tag]The Donald waddles out of thread hurriedly covering his anus with his tiny winglike hands[/tag]

Replies From View

Quote from: Buelligan on February 12, 2019, 12:32:13 PM
I have no problem at all with sniffing a dog's farts for instance

Sniffing them?  There's a lot more intention in that than merely smelling them.

Buelligan


imitationleather

I know of people who don't fart in-front of their partner.

I avoid farting in the presence of people unless it absolutely cannot be avoided, but being unable to do it when around your significant other? That's just plain weird.

Replies From View

Quote from: Buelligan on February 12, 2019, 12:44:56 PM
Whiffing them then, sucking them up.

I think you are being too forward about it and will put most dogs off with your vibe of fart-Henrying desperation.

Fambo Number Mive

Quote from: holyzombiejesus on February 12, 2019, 12:21:31 PM
I did a joint visit with a social worker yesterday. She's nice and I've always got on well with her. However, when we got out of her car, she paused on the road, lifted up one leg and squeezed out a really long wet rumbly fart. Then she laughed and blamed her carvery lunch the day before. I thought that was horrible. I have friends that I've known for years and wouldn't ever consider dropping my guts in front of them but colleagues, men in pubs and now social workers all seem to think it's fine to blast one out in polite company (usually followed by a laugh). If you were at a C&B meet and Pancreas or Shoulders let rip, would you find it funny or would you, like me, be disgusted?

At least she waited until you were out the car. Also, it sounds like it was an interesting fart at least.

Dex Sawash


[tag] The last CaB  post that made you GUFF out loud [/tag]

Buelligan

Quote from: Replies From View on February 12, 2019, 12:49:30 PM
I think you are being too forward about it and will put most dogs off with your vibe of fart-Henrying desperation.

Oh, they love it.  I give their tummies a little rub and they can't hold themselves back.  It's just one long huff with me.

Sometimes I like to set a group of them off like a smell version of a water-glass xylophone concert, a symphony of odour for others, my audience (whether they think they'll enjoy it or not).

St_Eddie

I've got a mate who freely farts whenever the mood takes him.  A parp parp here and a parp parp there.  Here a parp, there a parp, everywhere a parp parp.  Don't know how these people can be so thoroughly shameless.  Fucking disgusting!  Hold it in and remain in extreme discomfort until you next go to the toilet, like the rest of us decent folk do, you filthy swine!

I honestly can't comprehend how some people can be so content to vent their gases in the company of others.  I'd almost admire their care free nature, if it weren't for the fact that I want to bludgeon them to death with a rusty old pipe.

pancreas

The worst is aeroplanes. Yes, mate, I've just had a double Brexit burger and a few pints of freshly pulled Brexit at the Wetherspoons and now I'm going to fart into this recycled air system so you have to sit in my fart for the next two hours.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: pancreas on February 12, 2019, 04:58:43 PM
The worst is aeroplanes. Yes, mate, I've just had a double Brexit burger and a few pints of freshly pulled Brexit at the Wetherspoons and now I'm going to fart into this recycled air system so you have to sit in my fart for the next two hours.

Altitude does actually make people guff though.

Buelligan



Of course, all of the hoses are connected to Roger's bottom.

St_Eddie

Quote from: pancreas on February 12, 2019, 04:58:43 PM
The worst is aeroplanes. Yes, mate, I've just had a double Brexit burger and a few pints of freshly pulled Brexit at the Wetherspoons and now I'm going to fart into this recycled air system so you have to sit in my fart for the next two hours.

The worst part is that they don't even care.  These are the same people who get their phones out in cinemas and tailgate you on the motorway.  They're fucking oblivious to everything that they do.  Wrapped in their own little bubble of self-centered stupidity, whilst everyone else around them suffers from their disciple idiocy.

Thomas

I think the fart is an existentially poignant event, reminding us that we are, after all, animals, belonging inescapably to an animal world.

Heroin-dead alleged artist Sebastian Horsley, probably nicking the quote from somebody else, wrote that 'the entire history of human achievement is merely a measure of the distance man has managed to place between himself and his shit.' (He betrays his own enlightenment by neglecting to mention women).

We can have weddings, and cathedrals, and black-and-white films, and plays, and poetry, and libraries, and sad serious folk songs, but, at the most philosophical and melancholic funeral, even the corpse is liable to ruffle the facade with a parp.

St_Eddie

Quote from: Thomas on February 12, 2019, 05:17:51 PM
I think the fart is an existentially poignant event, reminding us that we are, after all, animals, belonging inescapably to an animal world.

That's what I tell myself as I'm scourging for food from bins and spraying my stink in the face of people who frighten me.

Shit Good Nose

I'd be disappointed if they didn't.

I choose my audient(s) wisely though, natch.

ToneLa

*looks at thread title*

Nice to have a thread from a fellow butler of the Duchess of Cambridge

Sigh, she's calling now. I must bathe her, again. No need for Radox with this Duchess.

non capisco

#25
Quote from: imitationleather on February 12, 2019, 12:33:27 PM
Someone quote that post where non capisco farted in to a storeroom containing a female colleague.

That incident at least began as an act of kindness which admittedly backfired spectacularly. Like my aris.

Soup Dogg

Some rotter had let off on a packed tube train the other day. The woman next to me with treble cleff earrings pronounced it "Disgusting!" loud enough for me to hear over my headphones. I give a performative wrinkle of the nose and shook my head so that nobody would think it was me. It was convincing but I regretted it. No sooner had I shared a glance of outraged commiseration with Treble Cleff than I felt a terrible smallness. Here was I, begging absolution from strangers with pathetic mime, while among us was the impassive eruptor, unflinching, heroic, begging neither understanding nor forgiveness. What strength! What boldness! What truth! Would that I could possess the innate honesty of our flatulent interloper. Not just possess it but live it. And then I thought, well, why can't I?

And that, madam, is why I shat in your pram.

Sebastian Cobb

It was probably her with the earrings that was moaning.

thenoise

Used to regularly leave a smelly offering when leaving a train or bus. Walk the whole length of the corridor slowly deflating with well practiced sphrincter control, so that everyone can enjoy my foulness. Now I sit in my car stewing in my own road rage.

Have you noticed that babies fart to show their dissatisfaction?

Buelligan

Not always.  Babies and small children, like dogs, have farts for any and all occasions.  I say this as someone who ran my village's library as a volunteer for several years.  That work included a weekly visit from the village infants' school, so I know of what I speak.