People who think it's ok to fart in front of you

[Lost Oliver]

Stained Black From Fart Gas, Mirror.

[Lost Oliver]

Perfect new page.

[Dannyhood91]

Everyone I come into contact with. It asserts dominance you see.

[thenoise]

Was going to go with Brown Mirror myself.

And of course you'll be able to send stuff like this to strangers, anonymously too.

just cummd

[Lost Oliver]

Yeah, that's better. Though mine is a bit snappier. And I'm not just talking about my farts!

[Sebastian Cobb]

When we're fully able to replicate things like farts and general smells in a virtual environment, like we do at the minute with sight, some people are going to really abuse it.  Can you imagine sending a fart to your mate via your phone.

New notification! Sweet! Ooh, and it's a smell note... better pop on the smelling mask...and open notification... oh Christ! John! Can you please stop doing that it's disgusting.

And of course you'll be able to send stuff like this to strangers, anonymously too.

Right I'm off to buy an air-tight jiffy bag.

[Jittlebags]

An empty pot of Pringles makes a convenient storage vessel for a fart should you want to share or savour it at a later date.

[thenoise]

For extra purity you need to fill a vessel with water submerge in the bath and then 'bubble up' your ass gas in the bath, catching it in the bottle. Continue until your farts have run dry (and/or bottle is full) and then screw cap on firmly. Enjoy your bottled fart!

[Replies From View]

An empty pot of Pringles makes a convenient storage vessel for a fart should you want to share or savour it at a later date.

Plus Pringles already smell of farts so you can savour one even when you forget to properly prepare it.

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

Or you could just open a bag of Planter's Dry Roasted.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I once guffed into a mates glasses case. Wasn't airtight, but he still wasn't best pleased.

28,etc

[Sebastian Cobb]

Or you could just open a bag of Planter's Dry Roasted.

If you really want something that smells like huffs when you open it I recommend Lidl's Frikadellen. They're good though.

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

Ooh, good call. Nice with a bit of Kartoffelsalat und ein Bier.

[idunnosomename]

fuckin wanked myself dry over this thread. thanks everyone

[Replies From View]

Pop into Sainsbury's and open up any pre-cooked and packaged "roast chicken" product to breathe in what would be the best farts in your neighbourhood if you lived in a rich one.

And then place the opened package back onto the shelf and walk off.  You don't need to spend money on that shit!

[thenoise]

Imagine being able to produce farts of such distinction that you could charge people to bear witness to them.

How much would you charge though?

My thoughts:

Silent but violent: 50p, £1.50 if witness passes out
Wet parp: 10p
Elongated flatulence: £2 a guff

Mr Methane is a rare man, who has managed to monetise his farts. A few fetish people have also managed to supplement their income selling a few sealed and bottled guffs on eBay.

[thenoise]

Homosexuals do not fart.

This is false. They pump away like the best of us, but don't make a sound due to them being a bit 'looser' down there. Virginal bum holes make the most musical, I'm afraid.

[Buelligan]

Pop into Sainsbury's and open up any pre-cooked and packaged "roast chicken" product to breathe in what would be the best farts in your neighbourhood if you lived in a rich one.

And then place the opened package back onto the shelf and walk off.  You don't need to spend money on that shit!

Or bury your nose in a good dog, also free.

[Replies From View]

Or bury your nose in a good dog, also free.

There aren't any good dogs.  Not in the 21st century, anyway.

[Replies From View]

Absolutely everybody who owns a didgeridoo has farted down it.  Definitely.  A bit bare-arsed fart for their own amusement.

Makes you think, doesn't it.

[Buelligan]

I'm sure Bosch painted a circular one in his famous triptych.

[Replies From View]

I'm sure Bosch painted a circular one in his famous triptych.

A circular didgeridoo?

[Buelligan]

Yes, you know, to huff your own guff.  They loved that sort of thing in the Dark Ages, no wifi.

[Replies From View]

Yes, you know, to huff your own guff.  They loved that sort of thing in the Dark Ages, no wifi.

But what do you mean a circular didgeridoo?  A cross-section?  A big spherical bowl?  Or a didgeridoo hoop of some kind?

[Buelligan]

More of a hoop or horseshoe,a mouth to anus.  If you know anything about digeridoos, you'll understand the concept of circular breathing.

[Replies From View]

I understand the concept of circular breathing; it was the circular didgeridoo I'd never heard of, mainly because a horseshoe isn't a circular shape.

[Buelligan]

Yes, yes, but ones body makes up the remainder of the circle. 

[Replies From View]

Yes, yes, but ones body makes up the remainder of the circle.

You were too non-specific mate.

[St_Eddie]

Yes, you know, to huff your own guff.  They loved that sort of thing in the Dark Ages, no wifi.

No wifi but plenty of wiffy.

[Glebe]

[tag]Johnny Fartpants leaves thread feeling unappreciated.[/tag]