Tell me about your wedding/s

[Sherringford Hovis]

Wife decided after we were married that she wouldn't let small dog sleep on the bed any more.

Small dog lived another nine years after we were married, so that's an additional two-and-a-half years he had to spend in his basket. The most expensive wedding ever.

[PlanktonSideburns]

Is that euphemism

[EOLAN]

Had a non-religious ceremony; which even for all our agnostic/atheist friends was quite rare. So all we had to do was ensure there was no reference to God during the ceremony. The brother-in-law to be was invited to read a poem of his choosing; and chose an Arabic love poem from around the 10th century - as his want.
Of course in the middle of the poem is a line along "Praise be to Allah". Anyway; somehow on the day; we got wind of this line in the poem and there was a big long discussion between us, him and the registrar about this. He felt adamant to read it out. Anyway; in the end he read out the poem but passed over that specific line; thus making us married and costing us lots of money in future tax and social welfare costs that we would have been better off with if we didn't marry.
Also; my father was almost going to pull out of attending cos my wife to be said he had to wear a flower on his suit.

[Buelligan]

Wife decided after we were married that she wouldn't let small dog sleep on the bed any more.

Small dog lived another nine years after we were married, so that's an additional two-and-a-half years he had to spend in his basket. The most expensive wedding ever.

Fucking hell man, I would've divorced her on the spot and gone off with the dog.  This is why mine don't take, no tolerance at all when it comes to putting up with being finessed.

[Icehaven]

Basic registry office with close fam followed by 2 day out door festival in father in laws forestry. I have minus money but luckily friends all work and organise festivals and live on nearby farms  wich covered much logistics and costs

Are you a character in a Richard Curtis film?

[Prison Biscuits]

We got married in a hong kong seafood restaurant (a nice one, with carpets, not some harry ramsden shit), and there was a DJ who we gave a playlist to, which he then ignored and played all this chinese rap that had lyrics like "yeah yeah, wanna do a sex crime baby tonight".
Ten tables of people, six of those tables of people I have never met before or since, distant relatives, friends and colleagues of my wife's parents. None of them spoke english except when I went round the tables and had to drink baijiu with them (which tastes like prison toilet wine) a purple-faced uncle stood up and shouted "yes you fuck!", so that was sweet.

My brother for unknown reasons had lifted a massive picture of Tom Selleck from outside a cigar shop and put it up in the foyer, so I had all these guests asking me if it was a picture of my dead dad, despite the fact my actual dad (who was and remains completely alive) was standing right there welcoming cunts in.

Many sea creatures met their demise. Someone brought two live chickens and a load of dick-shaped fruit, to bless us with healthy baby boys, you know. My wife and I left them all to it and got a taxi home.
Before I met her, I was always going "I ain't gettin' in no damn marriage, fool" fuck the queen, etc. Typical cool kid cab shit. But you change, you meet someone you really love and they want to do it, so you do it. There was no religious element to it at all - just a big old party with good food and terrible music, like there always is.


Edit: I also made a speech in Cantonese, which I can't actually speak or read, it's crazy horses, a mate wrote it out phonetically. Unfortunately the microphone was fucked and I ended up sounding like one of Charlie Brown's teachers all "wap wap wow" like someone farted into a trumpet.

[gilbertharding]

Had a non-religious ceremony; which even for all our agnostic/atheist friends was quite rare. So all we had to do was ensure there was no reference to God during the ceremony. The brother-in-law to be was invited to read a poem of his choosing; and chose an Arabic love poem from around the 10th century - as his want.
Of course in the middle of the poem is a line along "Praise be to Allah". Anyway; somehow on the day; we got wind of this line in the poem and there was a big long discussion between us, him and the registrar about this. He felt adamant to read it out. Anyway; in the end he read out the poem but passed over that specific line; thus making us married and costing us lots of money in future tax and social welfare costs that we would have been better off with if we didn't marry.
Also; my father was almost going to pull out of attending cos my wife to be said he had to wear a flower on his suit.

There's an actual legal ban on religious content in weddings carried out by civil registrars. There's an article about it here quoting all the stuff and everything: http://www.lawandreligionuk.com/2013/07/05/religious-content-of-civil-marriage-ceremonies/

[im barry bethel]

Always check first if it's a full on sit down meal (in the middle of the fucking summer mind) then that way you'll know not to make a pig of yourself (8 rashers of bacon 6 sausages 3 eggs - fried 4 eggs - scrambled etc) at the premier Inn £8 all you can eat breakfast

[SteveDave]

How many times have you been married?

Once

How much did the wedding/s cost?

Under £2,000 I think

Where did you get married?

Hackney Town Hall with the reception at the MOTH Club

Do you have any interesting wedding stories?

The bride was 5 months' pregnant (we got engaged the Christmas of 2015, booked the wedding for 10 September and then got up the duff in New York in May) so I was drinking for two. My parents almost didn't make it as, because their cat was ill, they couldn't stay over the night before and started driving from Cardiff to London at 10:30 and got stuck in traffic for 2 hours. There's a video of the wedding and it's mostly me and my wife laughing. We had a photographer who was a friend of my brother-in-law who was shit. There are 3 good photos from the whole day. Hog roast cooked in the side alley where the bins are at the MOTH Club and I DJ'd until I was dragged away. I lost £200 from a card from my parents somehow (I believe it was stolen by some dickhead friends of the wifes). We got home and opened all the presents but in the morning I couldn't remember who sent what so no-one got a thank you note.

[Ferris]

Our DJ was an iPod hooked up to the speakers on my Spotify account, and everyone got pissed up and queued up whatever they liked. It was actually great and cost $0.

Bonus - I saved the playlist a few days after.

[PlanktonSideburns]

Are you a character in a Richard Curtis film?

Hopefully not one of the sex pest ones lol

[EOLAN]

Our DJ was an iPod hooked up to the speakers on my Spotify account, and everyone got pissed up and queued up whatever they liked. It was actually great and cost $0.

Bonus - I saved the playlist a few days after.

Sounds good.

I got plenty of compliments on the band that we had - because they weren't too loud.

[mothman]

one hundred and fifty people? i don't think i have met that many people in my life, let alone got to know them enough to invite them to my wedding. honestly, even if i invited the many family members i actively dislike i reckon i'd struggle to make 30. must be a nice bloke. fair play like

Not really. Still unsure how we managed it, tbh. Or how many people there were. We had more problems with the 45 at the actual ceremony - that was the max capacity of the room. Didn't even intend to have that many, but my dad took exception to the list because none of his famil from Scotland were on it; it wasn't intentional, I just didn't think they'd come (but they did).

There was an early dispute when MrsMoth decided not to invite her least favourite cousin, a toxic bitch whose nastiness had first inspired MrsMoth to move away from Bristol in the first place. Then her grandparents decided it was too far for them to go, so said "Why don't you give your cousin our ticket?" Yes, "ticket" - not "invite." You can imagine how that went down with MrsMoth (and me too). Then my future mother-in-law got involved, trying to keep the peace, and suggested we not invite some of our friends so the cousin could come instead. I lost my temper, and did some quick maths on the fly and gave her a shortlist of people to choose to uninvite, making sure there was nobody on it she actually could or would. That was the end of that.

So, yes, even 45 people was a lot for me to handle (understandable in hindsight now I have an autism spectrum diagnosis). But I did quite well I think, greeting them all and getting everybody into the registry room, waiting for MrsMoth and her father to turn up (in a vintage Roll's Royce; I'd even stayed in a hotel overnight so as not to see her beforehand, though I nearly did when we dropped her father at the house before going on to the venue). Once they were all in, I was left in the anteroom and that was when the nerves hit me, and I started to panic... and then MrsMoth walked in, in her dress with her hair done, and she'd never looked more beautiful. And then everything was OK again.

[The Culture Bunker]

So, yes, even 45 people was a lot for me to handle (understandable in hindsight now I have an autism spectrum diagnosis). But I did quite well I think, greeting them all and getting everybody into the registry room, waiting for MrsMoth and her father to turn up (in a vintage Roll's Royce; I'd even stayed in a hotel overnight so as not to see her beforehand, though I nearly did when we dropped her father at the house before going on to the venue). Once they were all in, I was left in the anteroom and that was when the nerves hit me, and I started to panic... and then MrsMoth walked in, in her dress with her hair done, and she'd never looked more beautiful. And then everything was OK again.

You're a braver trooper than I. Part of the whole reason I was never into the idea of being married was the thought of so many people paying attention to me, having to give speeches - I honestly think it would cause me to collapse from the terror.

Luckily the future Mrs CB is entirely fine with it just being my parents, brother, sister-in-law, two nephews and my best friend, plus her brother, sister-in-law and nephew (who live in Zurich). It'll be wedding at noon, then have dinner somewhere and probably either doss around my flat for the evening or getting dressed into civvies and doing a few of the local pubs. Nothing too stressful. She's been married before and it was something of a large Persian wedding than was far too much hassle for her somewhat shy and reserved nature, so I think a low-key affair works for us both.

[Twed]

Let me think. My wedding... my wedding...

Oh, here's something! Everybody was fat!

[Ray Travez]

My brother for unknown reasons had lifted a massive picture of Tom Selleck from outside a cigar shop and put it up in the foyer, so I had all these guests asking me if it was a picture of my dead dad, despite the fact my actual dad (who was and remains completely alive) was standing right there welcoming cunts in.

made me laugh on the bus

[madhair60]

Let me think. My wedding... my wedding...

Oh, here's something! Everybody was fat!

hahahaha

[gilbertharding]

My wedding was great. My wife was beautiful, both my parents were there, even though my dad was a pain in the arse. The venue was a medieval farmhouse and there were log fires and loads of flowers. The food was great, and everyone had a great time.

Unfortunately the photos were a bit poor, and the photographer disappeared after sending us the proofs, so any duplicates (for the relatives) had to be scanned using 2005 technology. I also would have liked for more of my friends to be there, but space was limited, and 15 (whatever) years later I don't see or speak to any of them anymore so fuck it.

We asked the band to play Something by the Beatles for our first dance. Unfortunately they misunderstood, and played something by the Beatles: Octopus's Garden.

[SteveDave]

Where did you get married?

Hackney Town Hall with the reception at the MOTH Club

I forgot to say that the night before our wedding Lady Gaga played the MOTH Club and Mark Ronson DJ'd. My Welsh relatives were mightily impressed.

[seepage]

Copied the punch recipe from Graham Chapman's autobiography, and the vanguard drank it all and were completely & utterly smashed before the main column arrived, then things got better/worse from there.

[Jockice]

TBA. In a few years. Maybe.

[Sebastian Cobb]

At the wedding I was at the brides parents were a bit weird. Turns out the night before the brides mum asked the brides dad if anything was up and he decided that then was a good time to come clean to the fact he'd been having an affair and was planning on leaving her. I'm not condoning infidelity nor lying about it, but perhaps he could've delayed that bombshell by 48 hours or something.

They also decided to keep it quiet until her younger sister had finished her. Uni exams, then the master of tact decides to break it all to his daughters by inviting them to a meal with the woman he was running away with.

What a master of tact eh?

[Jockice]

Anyway has anyone ever, or know of any, real-life literal dumpings at the altar or incidents where someone's actually objected at the bit where they ask if anyone objects?

Nope. But I do know of one that got called off a couple of days before it was due to take place. It was in London too and I'd arranged to go down there and stay with a friend on the proviso that I took her with me as my guest. What is it with women wanting to go to strangers' weddings?

I ended up going down for the weekend anyway. The bridegroom to be apparently spent several days on his own in a tent in the cotwolds. Dunno what the bride did. To this day I've never met her.

[Ferris]

At the wedding I was at the brides parents were a bit weird. Turns out the night before the brides mum asked the brides dad if anything was up and he decided that then was a good time to come clean to the fact he'd been having an affair and was planning on leaving her. I'm not condoning infidelity nor lying about it, but perhaps he could've delayed that bombshell by 48 hours or something.

They also decided to keep it quiet until her younger sister had finished her. Uni exams, then the master of tact decides to break it all to his daughters by inviting them to a meal with the woman he was running away with.

What a master of tact eh?

I'm almost impressed at pure brass neck of that

[Sebastian Cobb]

He looked down on me for still being pissed the next morning and calling him by the wrong name and having the wedding vows all crumpled up in my pocket as it was my job to give them to the council. Needless to say I had the last laugh!!

[Sebastian Cobb]

Also the bride, then, was by all definitions 'fucking massive' and he included jokes about her trying to eat inanimate objects in the speech etc. He was an army officer or something, a charming veneer hiding an utter cunt.

I didn't like him.

[Ferris]

He looked down on me for still being pissed the next morning and calling him by the wrong name and having the wedding vows all crumpled up in my pocket as it was my job to give them to the council. Needless to say I had the last laugh!!

Yeah, getting his name wrong and handing over crumpled vows will really lower his stock among his immediate family. What were you thinking.

Edit: saw your second comment, sounds a right cunt

[Mister Six]

How many times have you been married?

Once.

How much did the wedding/s cost?

Somewhere in the region of $8,000 I think. But that includes airfare from the US (where we live) to the UK (where we got hitched) and back. Since we'd already done the paperwork in the US, we rented a big house with a massive back garden and held the ceremony there, with a humanist celebrant doing the officiating and furniture from the house acting as pews. Her family stayed in the house with us, too.

Mate of mine put together a wedding band (though we still paid them, albeit not a ton) and we got food and booze delivered from Waitrose, which we put out buffet style (it was excellent, and a fucksight cheaper than hiring caterers).

The biggest single expense was the wedding photography and video, but we'd already decided we wanted to have great pics, so it was worth the expense (if you're wondering/interested, they're York Place Studios - very highly recommended).

And it was lovely! A small crowd of about 30 people, plenty of food and good vibes with minimal stress and expense. My sister's planning her wedding and it involves multiple venues, a pre-wedding breakfast and dinner/disco. Sounds like an expensive fucking nightmare.

[Captain Poodle Basher]

Anyway has anyone ever, or know of any, real-life literal dumpings at the altar or incidents where someone's actually objected at the bit where they ask if anyone objects?

My neighbour's daughter was a guest at a wedding where the groom failed to make an appearance. Apparently, he got a bad case of nerves and bottled it. The couple did get married shortly afterwards though.

A former colleague of mine was dumped with only a month or so to go before her wedding. Not quite at the altar but as good as what with everything being organised and already paid for. The groom had been cheating on her with a work colleague of his for years and, apparently, had planned on continuing to do so after they were married. Only, The Other Woman got pregnant (whether by accident or design nobody knows) and so he chose to be with her instead.

[Jockice]

A former colleague of mine was dumped with only a month or so to go before her wedding. Not quite at the altar but as good as what with everything being organised and already paid for. The groom had been cheating on her with a work colleague of his for years and, apparently, had planned on continuing to do so after they were married. Only, The Other Woman got pregnant (whether by accident or design nobody knows) and so he chose to be with her instead.

A friend of mine's sister has been engaged to three different blokes, all of whom left her her after they'd set a date for the wedding. I don't know her well - she's about five years older than me and her brother - but suspect she may have came across as just too keen/desperate to get married.  Don't think it was anything to do with her looks anyway. She's very attractive. And is now (as far as I know) happily married. Suppose it had to happen sometime. Fourth time lucky. Wasn't Stacey in Gavin And...engaged six times or something? She's very attractive too.