Tell me about your wedding/s

[Squink]

None of them spoke english except when I went round the tables and had to drink baijiu with them (which tastes like prison toilet wine) a purple-faced uncle stood up and shouted "yes you fuck!", so that was sweet.

I love this one to the point where I dearly wish I had been there. I have to ask: are you still together?

[Sebastian Cobb]

A friend of mine's sister has been engaged to three different blokes, all of whom left her her after they'd set a date for the wedding. I don't know her well - she's about five years older than me and her brother - but suspect she may have came across as just too keen/desperate to get married.  Don't think it was anything to do with her looks anyway. She's very attractive. And is now (as far as I know) happily married. Suppose it had to happen sometime. Fourth time lucky. Wasn't Stacey in Gavin And...engaged six times or something? She's very attractive too.

Thats an environmental thing I reckon. The groom of the lady I mentioned upthread was desperate to get married. He was the fourth kid of 5 and the first boy, all his sisters were married or duffed-up by their early 20's and he thought he was a failure for not following suit.

His marriage to the woman in question didn't last. They seemed to not like each other much, in history repeating itself he ran off with a woman from work and now has a kid with her. It was a cunt move, but they both seem happier for it and are both doing much better.

[Blinder Data]

Are some of you married bastards holding back on divulging costs? The numbers you've quoted so far seem to be on the low side. I'm getting married this year and when discussing with people I heard stories of £20-30K as being standard. I'm hoping ours will around £15K which is frankly sickening because even though we're getting some help from parents, we've never spent that much money on anything. We don't even have a mortgage so it's madness, logically speaking, but I have a big family (expecting c150 guests) and something I've learnt in this process is that actually I do want a pretty big day with nice things, and that costs money.

Most things seem to cost at least a grand each. It fucks up all sense of proportion. "That photographer's an extra £300? Definitely worth it, book him." I can't remember the last time I spent £300 on anything. I'm hunting yellow sticker vegetables in Morrisons while handing out hundreds for fucking flowers. Madness.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I used to be a potwash at a manor house whose bread and butter was weddings.

10 grand just to rent the place for your function. Which you had to do.

The whole thing was a whole production line, designed to bilk as much money out of people as you can. Think you're novel for ironically having bangers and mash for your main course? Served 3 of them this month mate.

[Jockice]

Thats an environmental thing I reckon. The groom of the lady I mentioned upthread was desperate to get married. He was the fourth kid of 5 and the first boy, all his sisters were married or duffed-up by their early 20's and he thought he was a failure for not following suit.

His marriage to the woman in question didn't last. They seemed to not like each other much, in history repeating itself he ran off with a woman from work and now has a kid with her. It was a cunt move, but they both seem happier for it and are both doing much better.

Strangely enough the lass I mentioned is the fourth out of five too. My mate is the youngest and was apparently an accident. But he got married in his early 20s (the very first of my friends to tie the knot) and all the other siblings were also apparently hitched fairly young (although two of them ended in divorce) and I suppose **** felt a bit left out despite being most objectively the best-looking of the lot. The guy she's married to now is a decent bloke though, so I suppose it was worth it in the end.

[greencalx]

Ours was just over 10 years ago, in a castle (not a particularly grand one, so it was quite cheap) with a reception in the city followed by a ceilidh. It was all a lot of fun, around 60 guests for the ceremony and a few more (mostly people from work - we got married where we live rather than making people travel to the end of the earth). I seem to recall it came to about 6k or so, but can't remember if that was with or without the honeymoon. We had some help from parents. We economised on venue costs, transport (no stupid vintage cars that nobody sees), photography (we both hate being photographed), flowers (fuck me, the cost of those) but didn't hold back on food, drink or music. No fucking stupid "let's spend a week getting shitfaced with people we neither know nor like" stag/hen dos either - just did it the old fashioned way and went to the pub the night before.

Stories? Two spring to mind. There was a punch-up between the bridesmaids at a wedding I was best man at, although I think my duties were deemed completed by that point and the FoB sorted it out. My wife's cousin's wedding was called off at less than a week's notice, but came back on again, a fact that was studiously uncommented during the whole event. The brides family was not short of a penny or two, so despite having to cancel and rehire caterers, entertainment etc, it was still quite a lavish affair. I bet a number of guests were thinking it was unlikely to last - but they still seem to be together nearly ten years on, so it must have just been a wobble.

[Ferris]

Registry office is only a few quid, then rent the room above a pub and do a buffet while everyone has a dance. Total cost, 300 quid maybe? Or elope for $0 and rent the room above a pub at a later date of your choosing.

There's lots of ways of being affordable - I went to a wedding with 2 disposable cameras on each table - you mucked about and took photos, then dropped them in a bin at the end of the night. The happy couple developed the images you had taken as an ancillary to their photographer. Always thought that was a nice touch.

What I would say (and I give this advice to everyone) is even if you just get pissed up above a pub, if you don't do force friends and family together with a wedding, the only time they'll congregate is a funeral. Weddings are much more fun. Bit morbid, but true. Get married just for the piss-up and the excuse to see everyone.

[seepage]

Had ours in a large manor house type of place but it was very cheap to hire at the time and we were allowed to supply our own food and drink, instead of paying restaurant-level prices and huge markups on inferior booze. Which was nice.

[Janie Jones]

Are some of you married bastards holding back on divulging costs? The numbers you've quoted so far seem to be on the low side. I'm getting married this year and when discussing with people I heard stories of £20-30K as being standard. I'm hoping ours will around £15K which is frankly sickening because even though we're getting some help from parents, we've never spent that much money on anything. We don't even have a mortgage so it's madness, logically speaking, but I have a big family (expecting c150 guests) and something I've learnt in this process is that actually I do want a pretty big day with nice things, and that costs money.

Most things seem to cost at least a grand each. It fucks up all sense of proportion. "That photographer's an extra £300? Definitely worth it, book him." I can't remember the last time I spent £300 on anything. I'm hunting yellow sticker vegetables in Morrisons while handing out hundreds for fucking flowers. Madness.

It is madness, catch yerself on, fucksakes. I know someone who makes a lot of money in the wedding industry, it is shit for cunts and I'm surprised anyone with the sort of values we tend to loosely ascribe to on this website wants anything to do with it.

If you really want a big day with lots of guests, and you've got even the most rudimentary project management skills, just hire a nice hall and do it yourself - street food van outside, relatives and mates to do flowers and cake and disco, people are honoured to help, it's easy. Don't go near 'wedding outfitters'. Do not skimp on the photographer, that's the only thing you might regret doing on the cheap.

I remember being sceptical that former poster Ronnie the Raincoat could do her wedding in London for £2K a few years ago but she did.

[Sebastian Cobb]

A guy at work reckoned he could organise his own wedding, and he did, but he also nearly sent himself mad for 6 months in the process. Sorry, that makes it sound like he did all the work, I'm sure his wife had a hand in it, but I didn't work with her, she was an architect, built breweries for people to have piss ups in.

There should be a happy medium between that and turning up somewhere and them going 'oh sorry let's get the wedding menu, where we charge twice as much'. But I don't know if there is.

[Blinder Data]

It is madness, catch yerself on, fucksakes. I know someone who makes a lot of money in the wedding industry, it is shit for cunts and I'm surprised anyone with the sort of values we tend to loosely ascribe to on this website wants anything to do with it.

If you really want a big day with lots of guests, and you've got even the most rudimentary project management skills, just hire a nice hall and do it yourself - street food van outside, relatives and mates to do flowers and cake and disco, people are honoured to help, it's easy. Don't go near 'wedding outfitters'. Do not skimp on the photographer, that's the only thing you might regret doing on the cheap.

I remember being sceptical that former poster Ronnie the Raincoat could do her wedding in London for £2K a few years ago but she did.

We're actually getting discounts and favours on food, cake, music, etc. It's a numbers game, really. Ours is even quite a DIY affair, but not too DIY. I went to a DIY wedding as a guest and, while I had a good time, essentially I acted as an unpaid wedding coordinator. I don't want that for guests.

I know I could do it much cheaper but actually I don't really want a budget wedding. Fair fucks to those that do but I want a big day (within reason) because I deserve it, baby

Your comment about "this website's values" is a bit odd. Hark at this cunt, spending money on a wedding. I can assure you, compared with many other engaged couples, our plans are not extravagant.

[Janie Jones]

The person I know in the wedding industry would see an average spend, in London, of £30-50K so you're right, £15K is not extravagant in comparison. It is madness, though, when you think about it, you said so yourself, to be looking to save a few bob on your weekly shop while shelling out thousands on one day. I still hope you have a lovely day and a long and happy marriage.

[Ferris]

What put us off the big spend was the pressure you'd be under to enjoy it, or confront the fact that you'd completely wasted a huge amount of money.

[Sebastian Cobb]

One of my pals married someone, they'd both been married before, but they just appeared at the office with the minimum of witnesses and fuss. Job done, put the party on later for at least one order of magnitude less, later on.

[Jockice]

Being the centre of attention for an entire day is all my nightmares come true at once anyway. You can save that for my funeral.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Being the centre of attention for an entire day is all my nightmares come true at once anyway. You can save that for my funeral.

My attitude to weddings and funerals is similar, if you don't have one you're still dead.

[Blinder Data]

What put us off the big spend was the pressure you'd be under to enjoy it, or confront the fact that you'd completely wasted a huge amount of money.

STOP SAYING THIS, I'M GONNA HAVE A GREAT TIME, IT'S TOTALLY WORTH IT

[Ferris]

Being the centre of attention for an entire day is all my nightmares come true at once anyway. You can save that for my funeral.

I also hated it, with the kicker of being incredibly ill. It was fine when we got to the boozing and I could go back to hiding in the corner.

STOP SAYING THIS, I'M GONNA HAVE A GREAT TIME, IT'S TOTALLY WORTH IT

I'm sure it'll be worth it! Just wasn't for us.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

STOP SAYING THIS, I'M GONNA HAVE A GREAT TIME, IT'S TOTALLY WORTH IT

Yes you are,and it is, and I wish you well. Watch that episode with the make up artist marrying that gay feller in the second series of " Psychoville " for the alternative.

[ColinPopshed]

Got married almost 2 years ago at a venue on the south coast, took a chance on March weather which paid off. Cost almost £15K, would have been near double had we done it there in the summer.

An joyously, idyllically happy day with family and friends, not such great forum fodder haha.

[mothman]

OK, slightly personal question (and potentially embarrassing admission), here: did anyone else NOT consumate their marriage on the wedding night?

Because, well, we didn't. But then, like Tracey Q and whoever it was, we had indeed "been fucking for quite some time now" - er, then. And living together. But the truth is, we were knackered after a long day. We'd had a longish taxi ride (east London down to Gatwick), then once we were checked in to our airport hotel we just wanted a sandwich and a quiet drink, just spending the time talking about the day, what we liked about it etc. Then we had to get up the next morning for a flight to Mexico. Once there, it was again late so we went to bed. It was only after we'd thrown some clothes on the next day, rushed down for some breakfast, and then went back to our room... and tore those clothes off (as Bryan ferry said, you can guess the rest). So, 48 hours of non-consumation. Top that!

[Sebastian Cobb]

OK, slightly personal question (and potentially embarrassing admission), here: did anyone else NOT consumate their marriage on the wedding night?

Because, well, we didn't. But then, like Tracey Q and whoever it was, we had indeed "been fucking for quite some time now" - er, then. And living together. But the truth is, we were knackered after a long day. We'd had a longish taxi ride (east London down to Gatwick), then once we were checked in to our airport hotel we just wanted a sandwich and a quiet drink, just spending the time talking about the day, what we liked about it etc. Then we had to get up the next morning for a flight to Mexico. Once there, it was again late so we went to bed. It was only after we'd thrown some clothes on the next day, rushed down for some breakfast, and then went back to our room... and tore those clothes off (as Bryan ferry said, you can guess the rest). So, 48 hours of non-consumation. Top that!

My parents got married in 1976 and never gave birth to me until 1986.

[The Culture Bunker]

My parents got married in 1976 and never gave birth to me until 1986.

You were the eleventh tenth born, though.

[Epic Bisto]

I've mentioned it before, but my wedding was really lovely and involved a rum and codeine-fuelled first dance to "Jeepster".

[McFlymo]

It is madness, catch yerself on, fucksakes. I know someone who makes a lot of money in the wedding industry, it is shit for cunts and I'm surprised anyone with the sort of values we tend to loosely ascribe to on this website wants anything to do with it.

If you really want a big day with lots of guests, and you've got even the most rudimentary project management skills, just hire a nice hall and do it yourself - street food van outside, relatives and mates to do flowers and cake and disco, people are honoured to help, it's easy. Don't go near 'wedding outfitters'. Do not skimp on the photographer, that's the only thing you might regret doing on the cheap.

I remember being sceptical that former poster Ronnie the Raincoat could do her wedding in London for £2K a few years ago but she did.

This!! THIS!! A THOUSAND TIMES THIS!!!

Think what you could do with that money!!! Holidays, a big deposit on a house, a lovely car etc... It's one day of tacky forced celebration and joy... Don't get me wrong, much against my will, I do get all soppy when I see a couple make that commitment to each other, it's sweet, but it doesn't need all that tacky crap around it to be sweet and meaningful.

Anyway, nothing to do with the fact that I am not allowed to get married (in lovely NI) but if I did, I'd do the cheap, personalised thing: Some tunes, a bar tab, grub for everyone, but none of this hiring a big hall, inviting hundreds of people, fancy cards and shit speeches etc. None of my extended family would come anyway, so i'd only ever have about 4 guests.

[McFlymo]

OK, slightly personal question (and potentially embarrassing admission), here: did anyone else NOT consumate their marriage on the wedding night?

Because, well, we didn't. But then, like Tracey Q and whoever it was, we had indeed "been fucking for quite some time now" - er, then. And living together. But the truth is, we were knackered after a long day. We'd had a longish taxi ride (east London down to Gatwick), then once we were checked in to our airport hotel we just wanted a sandwich and a quiet drink, just spending the time talking about the day, what we liked about it etc. Then we had to get up the next morning for a flight to Mexico. Once there, it was again late so we went to bed. It was only after we'd thrown some clothes on the next day, rushed down for some breakfast, and then went back to our room... and tore those clothes off (as Bryan ferry said, you can guess the rest). So, 48 hours of non-consumation. Top that!

I've always wondered about this too... Because I'm nosey.

[holyzombiejesus]

We didn't either. We went back to our flat as the honeymoon  wasn't for a couple of days and opened all our presents. These amounted to envelopes containing cash and cheques as we were cheeky bastards and asked for money. We also drank 3 bottles of champagne.
The night before our wedding I had eaten a pizza which dislodged a filling. (I also watched the wedding episode of Peep Show about 6 times but that's by the by.) My face was a bit swollen on one side on the actual day and the pain worsened as the day went on so the booze helped. We consummated the following evening, I went to the emergency dentist the next morning and flew to Spain a couple of hours after that.

[Dex Sawash]

OK, slightly personal question (and potentially embarrassing admission), here: did anyone else NOT consumate their marriage on the wedding night?

August outdoor wedding in North Carolina, was 102f that day. Too hot to fuck.

[seepage]

No, not after the amount of alcohol consumed. Nor since, although we might have tripped over each other going in different directions to and from the fridge. Things are hazy.

[Epic Bisto]

Hell no.  The only things going in and out that night were the turntables and speakers from the venue back to home.  All the hot fucking happened when we went on honeymoon.