Body Art...

[Blue Jam]

...whose full name is King of Ink Land King Body Art The Extreme Ink-Ite but who was born Matthew Whelan, has devoted his life to body modification:

[WARNING: DO NOT CLICK IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-47198786

Yet another sentence I never expected to see on the BBC site... Anyway, Mr Art is among body modification enthusiasts who are angry that Dr Evil (AKA Brendan McCarthy) may be convicted for GBH despite the fact that the tongue-splitting, nipple removals and ear (pinna) removals he carried out were all done consensually.

More gruesome pics are out there if you fancy having a look for them. What do you reckon? Should consenting adults be barred from getting things done? Is there a line to be drawn on what you can have done to your bits in a high street shop?
Should body modification artists be barred from obtaining deed poll forms?

[Sebastian Cobb]

The only body modification I'm interested in are RFID implants, contactless payments in one hand, works pass in the other so I never get stranded in the no-mans-land between the back exit and the rest of the office when I go to the toilet.

[Blue Jam]

I lost my access card to the building I work in last month. I had to pay £10 for a new one. An implanted chip would have saved me money and been more secure.

I believe that sort of thing- ie, tech stuff done primarily for practical reasons rather than aesthetics- falls into the category of biohacking:

https://www.digitaltrends.com/cool-tech/coolest-biohacking-implants/

#2, the man known as EyeBorg, lost an eye in an accident and now has a camera there which has essentially turned him into a real-life Peep Show character. Squeenix commissioned a film from him (it's on YouTube, and again it's not for the squeamish) to promote Deus Ex: Human Revolution and this fact has made me glad I bought the game.

[Cold Meat Platter]

I think people should be able to modify themselves to their heart's content. Modify away, I say.
It is unfortunate that a lot of people choose to modify themselves to look more like a twazzock though.

[Blue Jam]

I'd like tattoos a lot more if they all looked like the 1% that make me think "Wow, that's very nicely-done, original and really cool" and not the 99% that me me think "Mate."

[Sebastian Cobb]

I lost my access card to the building I work in last month. I had to pay £10 for a new one. An implanted chip would have saved me money and been more secure.

I believe that sort of thing- ie, tech stuff done primarily for practical reasons rather than aesthetics- falls into the category of biohacking:

https://www.digitaltrends.com/cool-tech/coolest-biohacking-implants/

#2, the man known as EyeBorg, lost an eye in an accident and now has a camera there which has essentially turned him into a real-life Peep Show character. Squeenix commissioned a film from him (it's on YouTube, and again it's not for the squeamish) to promote Deus Ex: Human Revolution and this fact has made me glad I bought the game...

You can buy false nails with RFID chips in them for not much from aliexpress, and rings and stuff.
https://www.aliexpress.com/item/Creative-N2-Smart-Nail-Sticker-Decal-3D-Design-for-N2F-N2M-N2L-Built-In-Chip-Support/32914791699.html?spm=2114.search0104.3.10.2ee52053Vf64Bd&ws_ab_test=searchweb0_0,searchweb201602_2_10065_10068_10130_10547_319_317_10548_10696_10192_10190_453_10084_454_10083_10618_10307_10820_10301_10821_10303_537_536_10902_10059_10884_10887_321_322_10103,searchweb201603_51,ppcSwitch_0&algo_expid=54583d64-bdda-4827-b8a0-d4a005aa3818-1&algo_pvid=54583d64-bdda-4827-b8a0-d4a005aa3818&transAbTest=ae803_4

The eyeborg thing just makes me think of the cyclops people in The City of Lost Children.

[Blue Jam]

It reminds me of Mindhorn:



An eye that could look into people's minds and literally see the truth would be great. Did I say "great"? Sorry, I meant "the most nightmarish thing in the world".

[Sebastian Cobb]

Oh christ I meant to watch that but forgot all about it.

[Blue Jam]

It's alright, I found Russell Tovey's creepy manchild character a bit too nightmarish to be funny and it could have done with more Coogan but it's good fun for the most part. There is a thread somewhere...

Still not on UK Netflix for some reason.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

I was going to say that people should probably have psychological evaluation before any such surgery, but then that opens the question of where to draw the line. Should anyone that wants a tattoo be sent to see a shrink?

Yes. Yes they should.

[Ferris]

I mean... if people consent to this, then who are we to say they shouldn't? Maybe some of the more extreme things should be taken off the menu but I guess it's not really up to me. I think they should all have at it - there's not a whole lot to do in Wolvo.

I have a tattoo. It's rad. It's also tiny and hidden away, and that's about as far into this lark as I will go.

[thenoise]

Consent is a big factor, but I also think it's quite a sensible idea to have resuss equipment at stand by, at the very least, if you're going to have your ear sliced off without anaesthetic.

[Ferris]

Consent is a big factor, but I also think it's quite a sensible idea to have resuss equipment at stand by, at the very least, if you're going to have your ear sliced off without anaesthetic.

Without anaesthetic?! Fucking hell what the shit

[Blue Jam]

"The adrenalin kicks in, maaaaaaan"

Yes, some of these procedures sound like they should be carried out by a qualified medical professional (if at all). This is a bit like going for teeth whitening for £40 at a tanning salon rather than getting a qualified dentist to do it legally and at the going rate. Except it's not really, because no qualified medical professional would slice off a healthy ear or nipple.

How would a Hippocratic oath for tattooists read? "Above all, do not inscribe the name of a partner who may soon be an ex"?

I was going to say that people should probably have psychological evaluation before any such surgery, but then that opens the question of where to draw the line. Should anyone that wants a tattoo be sent to see a shrink?

Yes. Yes they should.

Plenty of tattoo artists will refuse to do hand, neck and face tattoos on people who aren't already heavily tattooed and don't already have some idea of how it might affect their job prospects and life in general, but I guess not all of them are that responsible or proud. Beyond the age limit of 18 and the laws against tattooing a person who is under the influence the industry seems pretty self-regulating. Tattooists seem to come under less scrutiny than beauty therapists and nail technicians and that just doesn't seem right.

I'm also amazed that it's legal to sell tattoo equipment to anyone who wants it and that it's piss easy to buy it off eBay. That's a bit scary, isn't it?

[Ferris]

"No removing anything" would be a good place to start. If you walk out carrying a body part that you walked in with (and a medical professional has not been involved), then something is awry.

Tattoos are fine, there's not much you can do as a society to regulate them beyond what we do already without it being a bit over the top. Japan regulates tattoos to the point where only doctors are able to provide them. They also ban you from their pubs/gyms/beaches if you have a tattoo. That seems needlessly pearl-clutching to me.

[Dex Sawash]

Nail a vw to yourself; ok

[JesusAndYourBush]

I'd like tattoos a lot more if they all looked like the 1% that make me think "Wow, that's very nicely-done, original and really cool" and not the 99% that me me think "Mate."

Yes.  There's a bunch of celebs, boyband type people, who have the kind of tattoos that look like they've fallen asleep and their idiot friends have drunkenly drawn shitty clipart images all over them.  And lately I've been noticing a lot of women with tattoos on their hand but none on the rest of the arm.  What's all that about?  Surely the hand would be the last resort once you've had the whole arm tattooed and you've got nowhere else to go.  But yes, a nicely done one can look quite cool.  I'd not get one myself though, one reason being that there's no image that I'd not get fed up with after a short length of time.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

The extreme body modifications people never look very happy to me. You'd think they'd be chuffed to bits, having achieved their idealised outward appearance. Can't modify the sadness in your eyes can you though, you little bollocks?

[touchingcloth]

Nick Pinch went to McCarthy to have his nipple removed

I can't fight the feeling that this is some kind of nominative determinism. I know there's nothing in the words nick or pinch which smacks of removed nips, but it feels close enough somehow.

Ear removal. I mean, fine, but why?

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

I think they should all have at it - there's not a whole lot to do in Wolvo.

Oi! There's a pitch and putt at Bantock Park!

[biggytitbo]

The extreme body modifications people never look very happy to me. You'd think they'd be chuffed to bits, having achieved their idealised outward appearance. Can't modify the sadness in your eyes can you though, you little bollocks?

They could have happier looking eyeballs tattooed on though presumably?

[buttgammon]

"No removing anything" would be a good place to start. If you walk out carrying a body part that you walked in with (and a medical professional has not been involved), then something is awry.

Tattoos are fine, there's not much you can do as a society to regulate them beyond what we do already without it being a bit over the top. Japan regulates tattoos to the point where only doctors are able to provide them. They also ban you from their pubs/gyms/beaches if you have a tattoo. That seems needlessly pearl-clutching to me.

Isn't this mostly because they're associated with Yakuza? It must be a total bastard for people who have got them in other countries, though.

[Blue Jam]

Yes, it's because tattoos aren't mainstream in Japan and still have associations with criminality. During my time there I only ever saw them on non-Japanese people, and they stood out because I had become unused to seeing them. It's something to bear in mind if you're thinking of going there and you might fancy a dip in the hot springs.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

If you're going over there to join the Yakuza though, it's a definite bonus.

[Ferris]

If you're going over there to join the Yakuza though, it's a definite bonus.

I have a maple leaf tattooed on my person, which might bring my loyalty to the yakuza into question.

What was the most extreme modification on offer from this chap? Nipples and ears off is pretty intense - is that the limit?

[imitationleather]

Having tattoos over here was associated with criminals and sailors only a few decades ago though. Japan are being purposefully awkward about it as usual.

I didn't think that the tattoos that shock you thing was going to be able to be ramped up from when I was a hip young twentysomething and they went fully mainstream but the facial tattoos that all the young rappers have now has achieved it. Are they supposed to look shit and as though they were done in a prison cell with a heated up biro? I am guessing probably yes they are.

[PlanktonSideburns]

the chalkboard outside his shop:

EARS OFF 10 QUID (EACH)

NIPPLE OFF 5 QUID (EACH)

LEG OFF 50 QUID

BUTTOCKS STAPLED TO FOREHEAD 35 QUID

ARMS SHREDDED LIKE DUCK 15 QUID

FULL BODY PULPING 15 QUID

'THE WORKS' (ARMS AND LEGS OFF, HEAD OFF, TORSO CHUCKED IN SKIP) 100 QUID

[Blue Jam]

He did tongue-splitting as well- how the fuck does that work? I'm guessing that as "Dr Evil" has no formal training in anaesthesia he also can't suture, so the tongue splittee must spend a fortnight not eating, or drinking, or talking while their cloven tongue heals.

Do they also end up with a lisp? A friend of mine was once determined to get his tongue pierced despite me saying it was a daft idea. Naturally he got it done anyway and ended up with a lisp, which infuriated him as he was a bit camp to start with and not too comfortable about the fact. He ended up taking the piercing out after chipping a few teeth on it. Needless to say etc.

[Ferris]

the chalkboard outside his shop:

EARS OFF 10 QUID (EACH)

NIPPLE OFF 5 QUID (EACH)

LEG OFF 50 QUID

BUTTOCKS STAPLED TO FOREHEAD 35 QUID

ARMS SHREDDED LIKE DUCK 15 QUID

FULL BODY PULPING 15 QUID

'THE WORKS' (ARMS AND LEGS OFF, HEAD OFF, TORSO CHUCKED IN SKIP) 100 QUID

"I'll have the set menu for 2, and a side of the full body pulping please"

I am genuinely interested to know the limit of what was on offer. And why did they stop there?

[Blue Jam]

the chalkboard outside his shop:

ARMS SHREDDED LIKE DUCK 15 QUID

You jest, but:

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/britains-most-tattooed-man-could-10545532

I have to wonder what he means by his "days as a fighter". I'm guessing he wasn't a boxer.