Tell me about your divorce/s

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

How many times have you been divorced?

How much did the divorce cost?

Where did you get divorced ?

Do you have any intersting divorce stories ?

I've never been divorced (well, only from reality ).

[PlanktonSideburns]

Sorry not divorced yet

Will keep you  updated as things develop

[QDRPHNC]

Just the two for me.

[im barry bethel]

Old mate of mine's mum and dad had split up when he was a teenager. Apparently it was all amicable regards the house and seeing the kids and whatnot (he liked to introduce himself as her husband to new blokes) so they never actually divorced, fast forward 20 yes and the dad was in and out of hospital with leukemia. Knowing there wasn't much time left he wanted all the loose ends and assumptions in order so there wouldn't be any rows about the house or money or who got what so they started on the divorce proceedings. He died on the Thursday and the decree absolute came through on the Friday.

[boki]

If I do a particularly harrowing poo, I tend to refer to it as a 'messy divorce', but that's it, really.  Not really marriage material in the first place tbh.

[SpiderChrist]

When my Mum found out my Dad was 6 years in to the second affair (that we knew about) of their marriage, she kicked him out. "You gonna divorce him now, Mum?" I asked. "No" she replied "I wouldn't give the bastard the satisfaction."

[Prison Biscuits]

We got divorced in a chip shop in Goole. It could only seat four, so most of the purple-faced sex pest uncles had to stand outside. Twenty or thirty sweating leathery men trying to look tough on the streets of Goole.
My brother cursed us and made us eat everything in his pockets.
We drank sweet cherry panda pops until it ran down our clothes like lambs blood.
My dad handed me a card that said "thank christ you don't have any children". On the front of the card was a picture he drew of Tom Selleck totally naked crouched in front of a prison toilet fishing out a turd with the word "marriage" finger printed into the side of the turd.

I never thought I'd get divorced, but you just meet someone you really can;t stand to be around anymore, your hair falls out you dead-eyed dead-hearted dead-follicled cunt, and so you do it, and it was good, it was very religious and it was tasteful.

[Ray Travez]

We got divorced in a bookies in Ellesmere Port. We invited everyone; really made a day of it. It was a large shop, so we got everyone in, huddled round the slot machines. I sold the wedding ring and put all the money on a horse- it was called Get Ready or Get It On or something. It lost.

It was hard to concentrate on the formalities with racing announcements going on, so the William Hill cashier turned them down. Very kind of her. I presented my wife with the ceremonial tortoise, and she snipped off a lock of her hair and fed it to it, as is the tradition. The tortoise didn't want to eat the hair at first, but we wrapped it in a fold of banana and it scoffed it down. Then we set it down on the floor, opened the door of the shop and it ambled away; and that was that.

Then the cashier played Atmosphere by Joy Division over the shop tannoy, and we all had a good long think about what we'd done.

[Attila]

How many times have you been divorced? - once

How much did the divorce cost? - all told probably close to $40K

Where did you get divorced ? United States -- specifically, I filed the papers in Appomattox , VA, because it was the closest city and because he was from the deep south, and I am a Yankee. Divorce proceedings were held in another town in VA.

Do you have any intersting divorce stories ?  Too many. It left a lot of scars, I do not trust anyone at all anymore, and it's one reason I'm so cold and secretive now. It's also the reason that I absolutely don't engage in conflict or argument with anyone anymore -- you start in on me for whatever reason, and I'll just walk away. He beat out of me, literally and figuratively, any assertiveness, and all I want to do is get away from you if you initiate any conflict or disagreement. Loud voices make me flinch. Any hobbies or interests I had prior to being married to him are gone.

I am still be stalked online by my ex (filed for divorce in 2004, was finally granted the nisi in 2008. It's one reason I have zero social media under my own name), and he dragged the divorce proceedings out for four years. I have never looked him up online to 'see how he's doing' because it makes me physically sick to think about him (he was physically and emotionally abusive).

A couple of stories that might be amusing (?)
*We went through four lawyers, two each. I didn't realise that my mother was phoning my first lawyer every day to find out why he was 'taking so long' -- not only did he charge me a fortune for all of her phone calls, she told him she was calling on my behalf, which is why he started to drag his heels. Second guy was brusque and efficient. My ex dropped his original lawyer because he wanted the lawyer to destroy my life - over what should have been a quick irreconcilable difference divorce. Second one happily agreed to do that and launched the four year campaign of delays and harrassment. She dropped my ex when she realised he was batshit. Ex then contacted my lawyer and asked if he could represent us both. No.

*Had to have my ex served with the papers in the middle of one of his lectures, because he kept refusing to answer the door when the baliffs came to the house with the notices.

*He continued to take out credit cards in my name and run them up after we were divorced, and my lawyer had to help get the debt collectors off my back.

*Not only did he cut me off from friends and family and gaslight me, he convinced all of our mutual friends that I was crazy, that I was a drug addict, that I was cheating on him, that I physically abused him. A couple years after I'd finally got (physically) away from him, his dept chairman contacted me to apologise and to tell me that they finally realised that he was making all that shit up. Really? Thanks.

*He claimed to have recovered/repressed memory issues. Among his recovered memories was that he was actually 10 years older than he is and that he was a multi-decorated former Marine who served in Vietnam. He claimed to have so many medals and honours he made Audie Murphy look like Beetle Bailey. He could not produce said medals because he'd 'thrown them away.' My lawyer, who was an actual retired Navy Seal, was not impressed.

*My mum thinks it's amusing to 'accidently' call Mr Attila by my ex's name (although she hasn't done that in a couple of years as she's getting a bit loopier the closer she gets to 90).

So some highlights there, I guess. It's all written down in my diaries, so it will make some undergraduate a happy thesis-writer, I guess.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Fucking Hell, Atilla.
Your Ex -Husband really wasn't a great bunch of lads.i know you have a new Mr. Atilla now, and I hope you're very happy with him.

[Buelligan]

Heheh, jesus Attila, he sounds exactly like my dad (not joking).  I am truly sorry for your troubles and hope every day away from him falls down like spikenard upon your head.

[Attila]

That's only the tip of the iceberg with that fella's issues.

I forgot to mention one thing: after me, he took up with another woman he sussed out by doing those online dating things? Her name (first and last) are very similar to mine, her birthday is the same as mine, she's from more or less the same part of the US as me (grew up about 40 miles or so from me), and in terms of height, weight, colouring, we could be sisters.

She tracked me down and emailed me a couple of times asking if we could be friends, since we had him in common, and she wanted to know all about our life together, and how she believed in forgiveness, &c. Lady, this dude killed all of my pets, I'm not really going to say much more to you than fucking run away from there as fast as you can.

Said my former neighbour (who was sound as), after he moved this woman and her kids into the house: 'Every day we look out the window to see if there are any freshly dug graves in the front garden.'

Well shut of him, indeed. To reassure folks: his plan was to ruin me both financially and mentally so that I'd be pretty much fucked up (I had no money when he threw me out, since he held and locked all of the finances). My mom did help out a hell of a lot, and my lawyer did get some money out of him that I used to pay off my debts. It would probably bug the shit out of him that I'm not living on the streets as he'd hoped, and instead have a full time gig at a uni, getting my research published, doing public talks, all that stuff.  Mr Attila is a universe away from the shit with my ex.

[Buelligan]

If you want my advice, close that book and burn it.  I know these things take time to process but get shot, soon as you can.  Stuff like that has a habit of bleeding into the future and poisoning it (which sounds like exactly what he was aiming to do).  Do not let that motherfucker win.

All gone, all dust.  It will be eventually whatever happens, so make it soon.  Give him even less of your time.

[Attila]

If you want my advice, close that book and burn it.  I know these things take time to process but get shot, soon as you can.  Stuff like that has a habit of bleeding into the future and poisoning it (which sounds like exactly what he was aiming to do).  Do not let that motherfucker win.

All gone, all dust.  It will be eventually whatever happens, so make it soon.  Give him even less of your time.

<3 Ta, Buelligan.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

That "lady, this dude killed all my pets" line ...I'm really hoping that's a metaphor of some kind, as I find it very unsettling and upsetting. I really didn't want to trigger such deeply unpleasant memories for yourself when I started this top thread, Attila, so my apologies. Glad to see CaB's resident lovely lady has given you words to take succour from.

[Bronzy]

https://youtu.be/XDXrP9HET2A

[chveik]

what an horrible story. glad you're doing better Attila. btw I really enjoyed your posts about ancient Rome (I don't recall in which thread).

[Small Man Big Horse]

That really is horrible, so sorry you went through that Atilla.

I've never been married so have no divorce stories, but a friend (and ex-boss) threw a divorce party back in 2009 which the Daily Mail picked up on. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1190803/Ex-bride-celebrates-end-marriage-bawdy-divorce-party--guess-The-bride-wore-white-did-friends.html

[Jockice]

That really is horrible, so sorry you went through that Atilla.

I've never been married so have no divorce stories, but a friend (and ex-boss) threw a divorce party back in 2009 which the Daily Mail picked up on. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1190803/Ex-bride-celebrates-end-marriage-bawdy-divorce-party--guess-The-bride-wore-white-did-friends.html

Actually, a friend of mine (really. I went for a coffee with her a few days ago) had a divorce party in the 90s which also made the tabloids and she was also interviewed on breakfast TV about it. It wasn't bawdy or anything but the church she went to had something to do with it. Wish I could remember the full details but it was quite a big story for a couple of days. One of my very rare exclusives too. Which I made absolutely no money out of. Think she got a few quid from the papers for talking about it. Which is fair enough as these things go.

There's no trace of it on the internet though. I've been written out of history again.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Actually, a friend of mine (really. I went for a coffee with her a few days ago) had a divorce party in the 90s which also made the tabloids and she was also interviewed on breakfast TV about it. It wasn't bawdy or anything but the church she went to had something to do with it. Wish I could remember the full details but it was quite a big story for a couple of days. One of my very rare exclusives too. Which I made absolutely no money out of. Think she got a few quid from the papers for talking about it. Which is fair enough as these things go.

There's no trace of it on the internet though. I've been written out of history again.

Oh I'm sure she wasn't the first even in the 21st Century, but she was a journalist and presumably got in touch with a contact so that it would be covered, I know it was in one of those Take-A-Break type magazines as well.

[Jockice]

Oh I'm sure she wasn't the first even in the 21st Century, but she was a journalist and presumably got in touch with a contact so that it would be covered, I know it was in one of those Take-A-Break type magazines as well.

Don't worry, I wasn't trying to outdo you or anything, it's just annoying me that I can't remember the full details. I think it was the fact that the church was involved that made it a story. I could always ask ******** I suppose, but I think that's part of her life she'd rather forget.

[Attila]

what an horrible story. glad you're doing better Attila. btw I really enjoyed your posts about ancient Rome (I don't recall in which thread).

Ta, chevik and Small Man.

No Worries, Lisa and all -- in a bizarre way it was cathartic (although probably not for anyone reading, going 'What the living fuck?!').

I like the stories about the funny and/or civilised divorces :)