Do you have any mates in the slammer?

[Bazooka]

Mate of mine is on the sex pest wing in Leicester prison, I'm not certain what he did. When I went back to England at Christmas, he had just gone in, even his twin brother didn't know the details at the time, but him and another mate are going to visit him next week. If it was going to happen to any of my mates, you could put money on it being him.

[madhair60]

No, and you're guilty by association, mate.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Not presently.

When we were teenagers one of our mates started dealing, he had a dad that didn't exactly encourage him, but his attitude was 'he's going to do it anyway so I might as well know about it'. He was clearly an arsehole, they got put out of their flat because their dad wasn't paying the rent and ended up in a hostel, then his divorce money came through so he rented a room for them both in a pub, it was two mattresses on the floor. I think the dad spent his time drinking free booze and doing speed with the landlord. Anyway I think the dealing escalated and my mate and his dad were caught with half a kilo of cocaine. I think he must've been 16 at the time so he didn't do that long, and his dad understandably did longer. It was weird though because it took about 18 months for them to be sentenced so we were hanging around with him for a while knowing his freedom was going to come to an end.

I know some other people who've done time but that was decades before I knew them.

[Buelligan]

I've known a few.  The most interesting, I suppose, was my brother who was in the jail whose alumni included all those famous Nazis after the war.  Nuremberg's a pretty town but I didn't enjoy visiting.

[SpiderChrist]

DO YOU MIND? I'M A RESPECTABLE MAN!*




*yes

[Konki]

Initially I thought I don't know anyone who's been banged up but then I remembered there are five of them. Some for drugs, some for violence, some for drugs and violence. No nonces though, I'm not a ruddy sicko.

[biggytitbo]

Mate of mine is on the sex pest wing in Leicester prison, I'm not certain what he did. When I went back to England at Christmas, he had just gone in, even his twin brother didn't know the details at the time, but him and another mate are going to visit him next week. If it was going to happen to any of my mates, you could put money on it being him.

Did you ever do any sex crimes with him like Fred and Rose or the Hillside Stranglers?

[im barry bethel]

One, surprising thing was he he last one you'd expect to end up in prison

[machotrouts]

Everybody in the slammer is my mate ❤

[Neville Chamberlain]

I'm going to ignore the "in the slammer" part of the question.

And the answer is no. :-(

[Buelligan]

Did you ever do any sex crimes with him like Fred and Rose or the Hillside Stranglers?

My brother knew Fred and Rose quite well.  They weren't friends but he used to see them in the street or at the shop most days.  When they lived on Beasley Street, he told me, they were seen as some of the "better" more up together, sane, people.  He said Fred seemed OK but Rose was someone that he'd always avoided.  Just thought I'd say.

[Icehaven]

Fred West died at my workplace. It was many years before I worked here though so we were never friends.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

My brother knew Fred and Rose quite well.  They weren't friends but he used to see them in the street or at the shop most days.  When they lived on Beasley Street, he told me, they were seen as some of the "better" more up together, sane, people.  He said Fred seemed OK but Rose was someone that he'd always avoided.  Just thought I'd say.

They lived in a John Cooper Clarke poem ?

[Lord Mandrake]

Yes for armed robbery of a bookies.

[imitationleather]

Yes for armed robbery of a bookies.

That is a proper geezer's crime.

Honestly thought us lot would only know people who'd been done for child porn.

[MidnightShambler]

Not presently.

When we were teenagers one of our mates started dealing, he had a dad that didn't exactly encourage him, but his attitude was 'he's going to do it anyway so I might as well know about it'. He was clearly an arsehole, they got put out of their flat because their dad wasn't paying the rent and ended up in a hostel, then his divorce money came through so he rented a room for them both in a pub, it was two mattresses on the floor. I think the dad spent his time drinking free booze and doing speed with the landlord. Anyway I think the dealing escalated and my mate and his dad were caught with half a kilo of cocaine. I think he must've been 16 at the time so he didn't do that long, and his dad understandably did longer. It was weird though because it took about 18 months for them to be sentenced so we were hanging around with him for a while knowing his freedom was going to come to an end.

I know some other people who've done time but that was decades before I knew them.

When we were about 13 and at my mates for a birthday sleepover, we were rudely awoken by the six o'clock knock from Merseyside police, drug squad, dogs, forensics, the fucking lot. Carted his dad off while we were all dispersed home and they could search the house. Turned out the garage he had was a front for the importation of cocaine in the vehicles he was buying and selling, a lot of them coming via Holland. A certain rather notorious (to the point I'm not naming names here despite it all being on public record) dealer was behind the shipment that got them all the final nail, I think it was £27m which at the time was the biggest drugs bust in British history. The underlings, of which my mates dad was quite key, copped for the lot of the sentence. He did 9 years of it and had his thumbs broken as a reminder on the day he came out. He was well compensated otherwise though. The top of the tree didn't go down until a little bit later on.

When I think back to it, as teenagers we just took it in our stride but fucking hell. Weirdly, I can't find any trace of the whole thing online, it was all over the papers at the time.

[thraxx]

I like these threads because I can boast about my childhood pal who is doing 30 years in the US for being an international mega nonce.  Not very often I get to win at something.

[MidnightShambler]

I like these threads because I can boast about my childhood pal who is doing 30 years in the US for being an international mega nonce.  Not very often I get to win at something.

A lad who was in my class at school ( and I'll name the horrible fucker, Tony Thompson) raped a 96yr old woman during a burglary on the day he got out of prison. She later died from the trauma and he'll never get out of jail.

1-1

[Lord Mandrake]

That is a proper geezer's crime.

Especially since he did it with a Stanley knife.

[Blue Jam]

My brother knew Fred and Rose quite well.  They weren't friends but he used to see them in the street or at the shop most days.  When they lived on Beasley Street, he told me, they were seen as some of the "better" more up together, sane, people.  He said "On the last Thursday of every month I used to play pool with Fred West. I know he done some iffy things but as a builder he was top-notch. "Best In The West" we used to call him."

[Blue Jam]

A woman who went to my school is currently serving six and a half years for this bizarre sex crime:

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/jul/15/gayle-newland-retrial

She was there nine years after I was, though. Still, I fucking hated my school and am amused that the most famous alumna is an olympic gymnast and the second most famous is a convicted sex offender.

[thraxx]

A lad who was in my class at school ( and I'll name the horrible fucker, Tony Thompson) raped a 96yr old woman during a burglary on the day he got out of prison. She later died from the trauma and he'll never get out of jail.

1-1

Oh yeah? Well my mate was caught in possession of 20,000 images of himself bumming poor street boys. That hundreds of victims with all their lives ahead of them. And another mate who is doing time for tax evasion.

2-1

[imitationleather]

Oh yeah? Well my mate was caught in possession of 20,000 images of himself bumming poor street boys.

For realz?

Also is the tax evasion fellah Al Capone?

[gilbertharding]

Not mates - well not for 35 years, but I was at school with a boy who ended up serving time for stealing loads of archive photos from Associated Newspapers and missing the whole of Season 18 from his Doctor Who book.

I was also at school with someone who spent 6 years of a 48 year sentence in a Brazilian prison after setting up an orphanage, and seemingly pissing off the wrong people and being fitted up for child abuse.

[Shit Good Nose]

My mum spent the best part of a day in a local nick cell back in the 90s when she walked out of a corner shop near her then workplace with small bottle of whiskey that she forgot she pocketed (because here hands were full with other bits and bobs) and didn't pay for.  Even though the rest of the stuff she bought was much more expensive than the small bottle (and it was small - one of those quarter size ones), neither the shop owner nor the police believed that it was an honest slip of the mind.  When she was released that evening (the shopkeeper eventually dropped the complaint) and got home, she said the worst thing about it was they didn't offer her a hot drink for the entire time that she was in there.  There is a happy addendum to that story as well - when she fell over whilst walking up to the shops a few years ago she fell quite hard on her head and she suffered a bit of concussion and couldn't remember who she was or where she lived and didn't have any ID on her at all.  Ambulance picked her up and took her to hospital, in the meantime the police took her fingerprints and found her on the system from her previous accidental thievery.  Were it not for that, she'd have probably been on the local news in a "do you know this woman?" segment that evening, with me and my sister (who had long moved to our own gaffs by then) not being any the wiser.

I also used to work with someone who was in the navy and he told me about the time he was in naval prison for a few weeks when he went temporarily AWOL (basically cos he was fucking this girl he met), but that probably doesn't count - he said himself it wasn't all that different from his regular day-to-day navy duties.

Similarly to MidnightShambler someone in my year at secondary school raped and mugged an old lady when he was 19/20/21, but I never knew him at school and only found out about the crime when it was on the local news.  He did time and the woman survived.  No idea what's become of him since.  EDIT - just looked him up and he's a clerk at a local religious education centre.  His e-mail address even includes the nickname he had at school (Mayfly)!


One of my mates used to be one of those social workers who help newly released prisoners back into society and he's got loads of stories - some of which I've relayed on here before - but the top two are as close as I've got.  Knowingly, anyway.

[gilbertharding]

A woman who went to my school is currently serving six and a half years for this bizarre sex crime:

I still don't really understand why that is a crime. I mean hypothetically: I am making love to a lady, but later reveal that I did so with an obvious false penis and, yes, this moustache is held on with glue. I claim that there is no way my willing partner could possibly have thought my penis wasn't as plastic as my moustache. Who are YOU to say I can't self-identify as a man?

I guess it's lucky I wasn't on the jury. Over to you @glinner...

[Blue Jam]

My mum spent the best part of a day in a local nick cell

If we're talking crimes that are small and twatty: My sister got a night in the cells and a police caution for a minor assault at a protest that got violent. She had just left home and fallen in with one of the kind of radical left-wing groups who like to look for excuses to kick off. She had been planning to keep this from the rest of the family but the protest made the local news, where we saw the very clear footage of her being led away in hand cuffs- busted. Annoyingly, she has gpt away with much more in the way of thieving and a bit of fraud (against me). I haven't spoken to her for the best part of a decade so that's all I know of- I wouldn't be surprised if she was in the slammer as I type.

One of my cousins has similarly major anger management issues and has spent several nights in the cells for being drunk and disorderly and kicking off after nights out. She and my sister were always the spoiled, favourite daughters and "Baby of the Family" types who always got away with murder, and frankly it shows.

In the 60's my uncle did a bit of time for stealing lead off a roof. The roof of the flat he was renting at the time... needless to say he didn't have the street smarts required for a successful criminal career and that ended up being his first and last offence.

[Icehaven]

Well if any of your buddies are in my clink then let me know and I'll say hi say absolutely nothing as to do otherwise would be enormously unprofessional.

[Buelligan]

They lived in a John Cooper Clarke poem ?

If you know the poem, you probably understand.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I also used to work with someone who was in the navy and he told me about the time he was in naval prison for a few weeks when he went temporarily AWOL (basically cos he was fucking this girl he met), but that probably doesn't count - he said himself it wasn't all that different from his regular day-to-day navy duties.

I think one of my school mates ended up in an army prison for being pissed out of his tree on parade and when caught telling the Sgt Major to fuck off. Just as a lesson/to sober up type thing.

He later narrowly avoided it because he'd stolen a doctors pad and was fraudulently signing himself off sick via fax.