Things That Make You Feel Old

[the midnight watch baboon]

being invited to have a male smear test.

[Neville Chamberlain]

It's strange to think that the "older woman" I had a bit of a fling with back in 2002 is now of pensionable age.

[Prison Biscuits]

re-watching My So-Called Life remembering how I used to really fancy Angela Chase and identify with Brian Krakow and thinking holy shit I'm older than her boring ass arse parents with their milky white entropy and suburban bullshit non-problems, and now I think Jordan Catallano is a really sympathetic character when I used to hate him because he was good looking and he got with Angela in the end and look at how Rayanne is punished severely for being sexually free

[Doomy Dwyer]

.

[ToneLa]

That if I fancied someone half my age they'd be an adult

[thenoise]

You know that film that came out a couple of years ago that you keep meaning to get round to seeing?  It's ten years old.

[Avril Lavigne]

Thought about it and 2003 is in fact 16 years ago. Chilling

I was talking to a teenager about music at my temp job a couple of months ago and as an example of "old music" that she likes, she mentioned Nickelback. That sounded ridiculous to me at the time but she was right, 'How You Remind Me' was out a couple of years before she was even born.

[Icehaven]

I was talking to a teenager about music at my temp job a couple of months ago and as an example of "old music" that she likes, she mentioned Nickelback. That sounded ridiculous to me at the time but she was right, 'How You Remind Me' was out a couple of years before she was even born.

I'm in a band with a couple of guys in their early 50s and for some reason the discussion turned to Nickleback, and one of them said how mystified he was that they get so much stick and everyone piles on them etc. I said it was partly to do with the annoyingness of Chad Kroeger, and then the godawfulness of that Rock Star song had kept up the hate. So imagine my shock to discover that said song was actually released...14 years ago.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

I started university half my lifetime ago. A girl I knew in the first year dropped out when she got pregnant - her kid would now be old enough to go to university.

A statistic that I've been merrily horrifying all my friends with in the last couple of years: As of your 35th birthday, you are closer to being 50 than you are to 20.

[Icehaven]

I started university half my lifetime ago. A girl I knew in the first year dropped out when she got pregnant - her kid would now be old enough to go to university.

I'm 39 so it's been terrifying me for a couple of years now that the teen pregnancies I knew who were around my age, the babies are adults now.

[Twed]

I started university half my lifetime ago. A girl I knew in the first year dropped out when she got pregnant - her kid would now be old enough to go to university.

A statistic that I've been merrily horrifying all my friends with in the last couple of years: As of your 35th birthday, you are closer to being 50 than you are to 20.

I'm 35 in 11 days you terrible fucker.

[Gregory Torso]

You remember last Monday, right? Well that was actually eleven years ago!!!

[mrpupkin]

Passing an over 40s singles night and being ushered in
Passing the local retirement home and being ushered in
Passing an open grave and being ushered in
Passing an excavated plague pit and being ushered in
Passing the ancient catacombs of St Callixtus and being ushered in

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

I'm 50 in 15 years and in 11 days you terrible fucker.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Given I'm 'Hello Nasty is their new one' years old, the fact it came out 20 years ago is quite bad.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

The Phantom Menace is 20 years old this year. Older than The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi were in '99.

[thenoise]

You know when you jokingly pretend that 1990 was ten years ago instead of twenty as an ironic nod to how old you are? its actually almost thirty years ago!!!!!11

[Small Man Big Horse]

I'm 39 so it's been terrifying me for a couple of years now that the teen pregnancies I knew who were around my age, the babies are adults now.

A girl I had a massive crush on at school got pregnant at 16 and so now has a daughter who's 28 in a couple of months time, which is quite frankly horribly disturbing.

[thenoise]

If 'new' Doctor Who was 'old' Doctor Who, we'd be half way through Tom Baker by now.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

That Slovak girl I taught who I really fancied, and felt a bit guilty about doing so, 'cos she was quite a bit younger than me? She'll be 43 fucking years old nowadays.

[holyzombiejesus]

The worst one for me is realising how old I will be as my little boy grows up. I'll be over 50 when he starts primary school and well in to my 60s when he turns 18. It's genuinely a constant source of sadness to me, made all the worse by the fact that there's absolutely fuck all that I can do about it. I keep telling myself that I'll compensate by really looking after myself but I just had 9 quorn scotch eggs and a bag of maltesers and plan to drink half a bottle of red wine later tonight rather than going for the lengthy walk that I had planned to start doing on a nightly basis. When it gets a bit lighter...

[paruses]

A girl I had a massive crush on at school got pregnant at 16 and so now has a daughter who's 28 in a couple of months time, which is quite frankly horribly disturbing.

Jesus, I was just mulling over the same thing and was going to post it - after sending a message to my friend for him to put in place our murder-suicide protocol.

I was equally horrified at the calculation.

[Edit to add - I also had a massive crush on this/that one]

[Small Man Big Horse]

Passing an over 40s singles night and being ushered in

That reminds me of the first time I walked past a nightclub where a bloke was giving out flyers to people, but deliberately didn't hand me one, that made me feel really old and is why I killed him.

[thenoise]

The worst one for me is realising how old I will be as my little boy grows up. I'll be over 50 when he starts primary school and well in to my 60s when he turns 18. It's genuinely a constant source of sadness to me, made all the worse by the fact that there's absolutely fuck all that I can do about it. I keep telling myself that I'll compensate by really looking after myself but I just had 9 quorn scotch eggs and a bag of maltesers and plan to drink half a bottle of red wine later tonight rather than going for the lengthy walk that I had planned to start doing on a nightly basis. When it gets a bit lighter...

Not going to get any lighter with a diet like that.

[paruses]

A girl I had a massive crush on at school got pregnant at 16 and so now has a daughter who's 28 in a couple of months time, which is quite frankly horribly disturbing.

It has been pointed out to me that that child could very well have a child of it's own by now.

Is this helping?

[Avril Lavigne]

plan to drink half a bottle of red wine later tonight rather than going for the lengthy walk that I had planned to start doing on a nightly basis. When it gets a bit lighter...

Just do what I do and take the wine on your walk!

[rasta-spouse]

Pap pictures of pop stars from S-Club or Blue looking worn down.

Prince Naseem being really fat now.

The death of Tara Palmer-Tompkinson - my mental image of her is still the 90s IT girl. It's hard to fathom that she's gone, and died a slightly weird death.

Also felt old listening to a pod called Trashfutur, which I assume is made by nineteen year-old anarcho-marxists. I have no idea what they're talking about most of the time (they use the words doxed and ratioed a lot)... but this week they used the term "soy boys". What's people go to thing for keeping up to date with modern slang?

[kngen]

Seeing footballers who you remember breaking through as wonderboys now being old, fat and retired is one though definitely. Robbie Fowler, Michael Owen etc, only seems like 5 minutes ago.

Football is a constant reminder of my ever-hastening journey to the grave. The offspring of famous footballers who were in their pomp when I was an adult having careers now is, quite frankly, sickening (I'm looking at you, Kasper Schmeichel!). But nothing has given me a 'Dead Soon' jolt quite like the time I read a story about 'Blind signing for Manchester United'.

'Fuck me, Danny Blind is still playing?' I thought. No, no, it was his fully adult son Daley Blind. Danny Blind had retired in 1999, 15 years previously, but the elastic nature of the eternal now that is our teens and 20s (where the ephemera of those years sits in a holding pattern till we're ready to engage with it again) was pulled to breaking point with my belief that a footballer in his mid-50s would be enjoying an Indian Summer of sorts – and Manyoo would be the club to indulge him. Upon realising this, I, of course, went out to the back garden, scratched out a shallow hole to lay in, and encouraged my family to scatter loose earth over my prone body. It's for the best.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

I may be dirty and I may be old (and at least nominally a man) but I'm not a dirty old man. It is therefore dismaying when some new sexy pop singer or actress turns out to be in her early 20s, outside the age range that I'd consider appropriate to fancy.

[Small Man Big Horse]

It has been pointed out to me that that child could very well have a child of it's own by now.

Is this helping?

Shockingly no. And even worse is that the child could have a child who in four years time could be sixteen and thus legal to have sex with. And maybe I will, and with my super sperm I'll turn the original crush in to a great-grandmother.