Why was there never a mascot called "Mario" on the Nintendo?

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Take it as you will, I think this baddie Mario should have a brother called Larry-o's Brother or Younger Bario Boy.

But hold the fort, guys, what if we sacked the whole idea off entirely and made a game about a fast hedgehog instead? The kids would love it. They'd laugh their arses off (with delight).

Dunno what we'd call it, though.

Thanks but I'm not replacing the plumber Mario game with a fast hedgehog game.  Absolutely not.

[Mr. Internet]

Thanks but I'm not replacing the plumber Mario game with a fast hedgehog game.  Absolutely not.

You're just not appreciating the sheer gravitas a fast hedgehog has in the eyes of a small child.

Let it set in and then we'll talk again.

[Ferris]

Fast hedgehog doesn't make sense though, you'd have to make it a wacky colour so it was clearly a cartoon.

A better idea is a super fast tortoise. Think about it.

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Why not do your own games about these things instead of replacing the plumber Mario?

I can't even imagine what kind of hat the fast hedgehog would wear.  The idea is too thinly drawn.

[Mr. Internet]

Come to think of it, isn't the tortoise (or turtle, if you will) the natural enemy of the plumber? It doesn't have to be super fast, but it does have to have spikes and red hair.

Anyway, a fast hedgehog does make sense. How can a hedgehog hog a hedge if it can't do it at breakneck speed?

Why not do your own games about these things instead of replacing the plumber Mario?

You're not jiving to what the kids are hip to these days. Plumbers are relics of a dead past, appealing only to the intellectually and aesthetically moribund. Hedgehogs are the here and now.

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What colour would the fast hedgehog even be?

[Ferris]

Yeah plumbing is out, media studies degrees are in. Could your character do media studies as a game instead?

The rapid turtle idea is mine and NOT FOR SALE.

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[Cuellar]

There was, wasn't there?

No wait - thinking of wario, as you were.

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There was, wasn't there?

No wait - thinking of wario, as you were.

What the fuck are "wario"?

[Cuellar]

Sorry I was thinking of Luigi

Luigi Buiatti

[Captain Z]

I always thought they should do a computer game where it's like driving a fast car.

Edit: I mean just generally, obviously not in the context of a plumber character.

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Sorry I was thinking of Luigi

Luigi Buiatti

What are those??

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I always thought they should do a computer game where it's like driving a fast car.

Even a slow one would be quite fascinating I think.

I think there is some scope for many many computer games to be made.