STATE WHAT ACTION FIGURE OF YOU WOULD EXIST

[Replies From View]

And a couple of actions you would reasonable expect it to have.

Mine wouldn't have realistic phimosis and complete lack of hair like yours, but it would have a WRITHING POWER-WANK feature that nobody can see, and it would wear GLASSES.

I think two actions/features is about right for one figure.  More than that and you'd be asking for an entire range of figures.

[Norton Canes]

Realistic epilated legs (so probably made of something that looks like synthetic chicken skin)

[Replies From View]

That's a good power.  Would you have any accessories?

[thraxx]

Mine would be painstakingly accurate in that it would have a very small knob made of polyvinyl chloride.

[Replies From View]

Mine would be painstakingly accurate in that it would have a very small knob made of polyvinyl chloride.

Any clothes?

[poo]

mine would also have the power wank feature and a middle finger covered in arse juice glaze

[Norton Canes]

That's a good power.  Would you have any accessories?

Yeah an anvil.

[Replies From View]

I have refined my idea for my own action figure.

Accessory:  GLASSES.  These look like shit and keep falling off.

Action feature:  HANDS-FREE POWER-WANK with WASHABLE FORESKIN

This might seem a bit indulgent for one action figure but let me explain how it is one feature.  In my figure there will be a little hole for adding a gluey compound (provided).  When playing with my action figure, you would manipulate this gluey substance from the hole to the figure's cock area by repeatedly squeezing its waist so that its groin 'grinds' and gyrates in a manner that indicates it is clearly wanking, but in a hands-free way.  The unchanging facial expression of my action figure would be moulded to heighten this effect.  After a few minutes of this, the process will be completed and the person playing with my action figure will have the thrilling opportunity to pull back the figure's foreskin and reveal the coagulated substance beneath that needs washing off.  Standard shower gel may be used or a branded bottle of shower gel could be an additional accessory.

[rasta-spouse]

Action feature: adjustable ballbag, just so it touches the water wherever

Accessory: Unread pristine copy of Guy De Bourd's book Society of the Spectacle - but only ever used with a pint glass to take spiders out of the house

[Replies From View]

Action feature: adjustable ballbag, just so it touches the water wherever

Accessory: Unread pristine copy of Guy De Bourd's book Society of the Spectacle - but only ever used with a pint glass to take spiders out of the house

I would ask whether this can be mass-produced or would need bespoke tailors and so on toiling away at tremendous cost to both producer and buyer.  I assume you already have your consumer-base secured by this point?

Could you please explain more clearly what is meant by the adjustable ballbag "touching the water wherever"?  Does this mean you can take the ballbag to the bathroom with you whilst leaving the rest of the action figure in the bedroom?

[rasta-spouse]

  I assume you already have your consumer-base secured by this point?

It's mainly Mountain Men around America's bible-belt and the odd nonce.

[Replies From View]

It's mainly Mountain Men around America's bible-belt and the odd nonce.

And they will all definitely buy your action figure when it is released?

[rasta-spouse]

And they will all definitely buy your action figure when it is released?

Ever since the tragedy of 9/11 I've acquired a superstition where I time all my releases around Billie Piper's ovulations.

So will have a more definite idea of the date after I get this Uber to Hammersmith.

[Ferris]

Figure permanently in seated position on the lav mid-poo (lav and poo sold separately).

One 90^o rotating arm from chest height to mouth to simulate my crippling alcoholism (tiny pints of beer/scotch bottles also sold separately).

NO REFUNDS.

[rasta-spouse]

Also, with mine a penny from every pound you spend goes to a Zach Braff kickstarter project.

[alan nagsworth]

THE AMAZING BARELY-MAN

Astonishingly realistic movements on a half-painted hunk of plastic! REAL tapping foot and trackpad scrolling fingers! Press his head to play "Transient Random-Noise Burst With Announcements" by Stereolab, and watch him scroll and toe-tap for a whole hour!

_{Music cannot be stopped until album finishes. Highly prone to playing the three subsequent albums in Stereolab's discography immediately afterwards without pause. Will melt into surfaces such as beds or toilets if left too long.}

[Pingers]

Mine will have thick, luxuriant hair like in real life. In fact, my hair is so thick and luxuriant that I can afford to use bits of my own real hair in the mass production of my action figure. I've spoken to the chaps in Guangdong and they assure me this is totally do-able.

Also, my action figure will tut, quite a lot really. As you go about your business in your allotted dwelling unit, the figure will at times tut. This is to keep you on your toes and guard against complacency and undue levels of self-regard. You'll thank me later.

[Replies From View]

Also, with mine a penny from every pound you spend goes to a Zach Braff kickstarter project.

That's very noble of you.

[Gregory Torso]

36" polyurethane and wax stump posed in the the classic "fishing a quid out of a pub urinal" Greg Torso crouch that we all know and recognise. It must have antlers - I won't consent to any rendered likeness unless it is antlered: antlers represent virility and hardness, and I'll not back down. In my lower back is a secret compartment where a child can keep its trap music or its molly. I am bare chested, in dungarees, a stag: a tensed and agile, rutting, velvet-horned stag.
Scratch and sniff pectorals available in the following scents:
- Dog biscuit factory
- Easter explosion
- Underwater discovery
- Original

[rasta-spouse]

That's very noble of you.

Yeah, but what you don't know is that one of Braff's 'projects' is to chase his niece around a smoking Ocado fulfillment centre

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

36" polyurethane and wax stump posed in the the classic "fishing a quid out of a pub urinal" Greg Torso crouch that we all know and recognise. It must have antlers - I won't consent to any rendered likeness unless it is antlered: antlers represent virility and hardness, and I'll not back down. In my lower back is a secret compartment where a child can keep its trap music or its molly. I am bare chested, in dungarees, a stag: a tensed and agile, rutting, velvet-horned stag.
Scratch and sniff pectorals available in the following scents:
- Dog biscuit factory
- Easter explosion
- Underwater discovery
- Original

I hope you're not thinking of launching your action figure doll onto the Slovak market. Because, you see, " He has antlers " is a Slovak phrase ( in Slovak, I've just kindly put it into the English ), which means " His wife's shagging some other feller behind his back, the daft cunt ", and thus every child- Jack in Slovakia  shall be having a right old snigger at your helplessly adultery- addled hapless toy rendered self, ya shitter. Is that what you want ? ' cos that's what'll happen. Steer away from the initially tempting Slovak Action Figure Of  Cunts What Contribute To CAB market, d'you hear me ?

[thraxx]

Any clothes?

About 6, yes.

[seepage]

Mine can vomit TCA into your drink at the touch of a button.