Author Topic: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid  (Read 6745 times)

Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« on: February 26, 2019, 09:24:33 AM »
Without wanting to seem sexist, I work with some basic bitches here at madhair Inc. Who else's colleagues are pigshit thick? Who else's colleagues are happier than you?

pancreas

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Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #1 on: February 26, 2019, 09:35:22 AM »
I just sent a message to the faculty asking them to cease and desist using job descriptor in place of job description. Expecting soon to be #cancelled.

Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #2 on: February 26, 2019, 09:39:56 AM »
some days, fucking ALL of them. serves me right, though, working in telly.

Voltan (Man of Steel)

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Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #3 on: February 26, 2019, 09:56:24 AM »
I had been reading an article about how scientists working at the Large Hadron Collider had collided lead ions at near light speed and created the densest matter ever observed. The material is apparently more than a hundred thousand times hotter than the inside of the sun and denser than a neutron star: a cubic cm would weigh 40 billion tonnes. I mentioned this to a colleague and she asked if they used it for anything. It would make really tiny doorstops, I suppose.

QDRPHNC

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Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #4 on: February 26, 2019, 10:01:03 AM »
Yesterday our HR manager (whose job seems to mostly involve coming up with different ways to nominate people for being "game changers" or enforcing Ugly Christmas Sweater Day) sent out a perky little email saying that from now on whoever wins a game of foosball in the kitchen gets the honour of also emptying the dishwasher.

Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #5 on: February 26, 2019, 10:37:15 AM »
All HR people pronounce it "Haitch Arr". Fucking twats.

Paul Calf

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Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #6 on: February 26, 2019, 10:43:00 AM »
All HR people pronounce it "Haitch Arr". Fucking twats.

Pirates?

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Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #7 on: February 26, 2019, 11:02:57 AM »
I just sent a message to the faculty asking them to cease and desist using job descriptor in place of job description. Expecting soon to be #cancelled.

The next time I get an email advertising one of my workplace's "Myers-Briggs For Your Career" courses I may send a strongly-worded email suggesting that they should stop wasting money on this shite. I'll then go along and do the test and my result will be CNCD.

gilbertharding

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Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #8 on: February 26, 2019, 11:08:06 AM »
All HR people pronounce it "Haitch Arr". Fucking twats.

HRpies. /sexist

Blue Jam

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Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #9 on: February 26, 2019, 11:17:22 AM »
My colleagues are alright. The last office I worked in though was full of overgrown teenagers who thought that doing a PhD meant they were dead clever and everyone else was "soooooo stupid and that they knew everything but who still hadn't managed to figure out that Ed Sheeran is shite.

Also my last boss asked me to send over some data for a paper he was putting together. Over a year later it still hasn't seen the light of day. This is the same guy who took four months to send in some paperwork for some extra funding, and if I had stayed in that job instead of happily letting a better research group poach me I would have been out of work for four months over Christmas. To paraphrase  Gordon Ramsay, I have never met anyone I believe in less.

Pingers

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Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #10 on: February 26, 2019, 11:40:00 AM »
In an old job, colleague Darren to Paul Weller:

You look a lot like Paul Weller

Weller: Yeah, I get that a lot.

St_Eddie

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Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #11 on: February 26, 2019, 11:50:26 AM »
...letting a better research group poach me...

I bet you did, you dirty old bollocks.

ToneLa

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Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #12 on: February 26, 2019, 11:51:50 AM »
In an old job, colleague Darren to Paul Weller:

You look a lot like Paul Weller

Weller: Yeah, I get that a lot.

Woah, not only did he look like Paul Weller but he had a similar name??

Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #13 on: February 26, 2019, 12:26:41 PM »
Yesterday our HR manager (whose job seems to mostly involve coming up with different ways to nominate people for being "game changers" or enforcing Ugly Christmas Sweater Day) sent out a perky little email saying that from now on whoever wins a game of foosball in the kitchen gets the honour of also emptying the dishwasher.

A shit idea made worse by the fact that it's patently the loser's job.

PlanktonSideburns

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Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #14 on: February 26, 2019, 12:33:59 PM »
'That piers Morgan I'd alright man, he's funny'


QDRPHNC

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Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #15 on: February 26, 2019, 12:36:22 PM »
A shit idea made worse by the fact that it's patently the loser's job.

It's an idea working on at least two levels, both of them confused.

monkfromhavana

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Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #16 on: February 26, 2019, 12:58:07 PM »
"Boris Johnson just says what everyone's thinking"

I win, close thread.
« Last Edit: February 26, 2019, 02:06:59 PM by monkfromhavana »

ToneLa

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Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #17 on: February 26, 2019, 12:59:53 PM »
"I rather like Boris!", my 6th form politics teacher friend chuckled, on Christmas Eve (I don't work with him but am on dole, so)

MissInformed

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Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #18 on: February 26, 2019, 01:04:38 PM »
I have a colleague who persists in emailling me, saying "Can you just email Mr XYZ and tell him this?"

It kills me to not be able to respond "if you had just put his fucking email address where you put mine, it would be done already"

Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #19 on: February 26, 2019, 01:18:50 PM »
I have a colleague who persists in emailling me, saying "Can you just email Mr XYZ and tell him this?"

It kills me to not be able to respond "if you had just put his fucking email address where you put mine, it would be done already"

Do it. There's no excuse for what they're doing.

I also get infuriated by people who manage to ask how you're getting on with something a little too frequently, so you're almost always nearly done. My main motivation to complete anything is to get it finished before people start pestering me, so if it becomes an inevitability that's that fucked. I'd love to say I'm motivated by pride, but that's only something that emerges when I feel I'm trusted to get on with things without interference.

Bad Ambassador

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Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #20 on: February 26, 2019, 01:20:38 PM »
I though the punchline was going to be...
I had been reading an article about how scientists working at the Large Hadron Collider had collided lead ions at near light speed and created the densest matter ever observed. The material is apparently more than a hundred thousand times hotter than the inside of the sun and denser than a neutron star.
"But still not as dense as my department head."

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Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #21 on: February 26, 2019, 02:48:53 PM »
I have a colleague who persists in emailling me, saying "Can you just email Mr XYZ and tell him this?"

It kills me to not be able to respond "if you had just put his fucking email address where you put mine, it would be done already"

Forward the email to Mr XYZ adding no additional comments of your own, making sure to leave in the "Can you just email Mr XYZ" comment. 

Alberon

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Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #22 on: February 26, 2019, 03:02:02 PM »
All HR people pronounce it "Haitch Arr". Fucking twats.

How do you pronounce it then?

Hrrr?

Chollis

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Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #23 on: February 26, 2019, 03:04:51 PM »
I work in an office and every week there's a fire alarm test, it goes for about 5 seconds. Sometimes it can go up to maybe 7 or 8 seconds and then after it there's sort of a collective gasp/sigh of relief and people saying OOOOH LOL THOUGHT THAT WAS REAL FOR A MINUTE ISNT THIS EXCITING fuck off

Cuellar

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Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #24 on: February 26, 2019, 03:09:38 PM »
Get used to it mate because that never changes. Ever. At your funeral there'll be a fire alarm test and all the mourners will look at each other, a mixture of amusement and concern playing across their lumpen faces and then they'll chuckle when it ends after a few seconds.

Twed

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Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #25 on: February 26, 2019, 03:10:37 PM »
Sometimes you'll meet a new colleague and everything will be great and then they'll say the thing that you remember forever as being the warning sign that they might be a bit thick. The last time this happened it was with somebody who would not drop the idea that every episode of Homestar Runner was made in Mario Paint. The first packet in a stream of wrongheaded dunderosity.

Alberon

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Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #26 on: February 26, 2019, 03:14:35 PM »
I’m normally the one setting off the fire alarms. It’s part of my job, honest.

We have to do Fire Drill Evacuations twice a year as well. The number of people who just sit there while the alarm goes off is alarming. Most of them usually get the message, pack up and leave but it often takes them five minutes. Others refuse to leave as they think it’s a drill, not understanding that most of the point of a drill is to know what to do if it was for real.

I’d be quite happy if most of them sat there in a real fire, but we’d have to let the fire brigade risk their lives to get the idiots out.

Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #27 on: February 26, 2019, 03:54:02 PM »
Forward the email to Mr XYZ adding no additional comments of your own, making sure to leave in the "Can you just email Mr XYZ" comment.

done that before. frowns from boss/manager, but they stop it eventually.

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Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #28 on: February 26, 2019, 03:57:41 PM »
What I don't understand is why aren't there more people like us out there in the real world. There's tonnes here who I would happily become pally with even if I'm not going bald didn't share their views. I just don't get it.

It's so rare that I find anyone who questions the nature of reality or social constructs and norms. They all just seem to turn up, do their job, talk about the weather and not take their lunch breaks. They're nice people, don't get me wrong, but they're boring AF.

Twed

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Re: Colleagues who are just fucking stupid
« Reply #29 on: February 26, 2019, 04:03:24 PM »
The number of people who just sit there while the alarm goes off is alarming. Most of them usually get the message, pack up and leave but it often takes them five minutes.
I find it equally annoying when a fire alarm goes off and people expect dramatics. I live in a huge mill building apartment complex, and I never leave when the alarm goes off. I can simply step outside of the window and on to the street if I see a flame. My windows definitely are not on fire or about to be. My escape route cannot catch fire. I'm going to put headphones on and stay right here with my cat thank you.

This is also a true fact: there has never, in the history of humankind, been a real fire ever. Never.