Author Topic: The 4 A.M. Thread  (Read 1613 times)

Prison Biscuits

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The 4 A.M. Thread
« on: February 28, 2019, 04:00:06 AM »
Happy 4 A.M.!

It is upon us once more: the Magic Hour! We have made it through 1/6 of the day! What a time to be awake!

How will you be celebrating this 4 A.M.?

I'll be eating the traditional buttered pork pie with accompaniment of half a litre of Traitor's Gate vodka, following the ancestral insomniac practices.
The rest of my family doesn't celebrate 4 A.M. but that's fine. It is a choice they have made.

As for you and I, what a time we will have...

We will shoot our rifles! Retired circus elephants will breathe fire through their trunks into the sky like flaming geysers!
Acrobats swashing and buckling with cutlasses in mid-air as they fly from their perches! There will be refreshments!!

Banquet tables laden with buttered pork pies. Jugs of table vodka, goblets of mouth wash and cough medicine!

The wonders! The spoils!

Prison Biscuits

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Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2019, 04:01:26 AM »
Well, that was disappointing.

Never mind, friends!

See you next 4 A.M.!

Spoon of Ploff

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Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2019, 06:00:57 AM »
4AM. Possibly the Tuesday morning of the hours.. The February 9th if you will.

Bennett Brauer

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Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #3 on: February 28, 2019, 12:16:35 PM »
You'd have had better luck at 3am. At 4am most of us are on the Dark Web ordering prepuce lotion and Xanax.

Prison Biscuits

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Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #4 on: March 01, 2019, 04:00:04 AM »
Whew! Here it is again – pulling up like a long sleek Cadillac with mirrored windows - FOUR in the morning!

It seems like only yesterday that we were celebrating the oh-four-double-oh (heh!).

After the anticlimax of last 4 A.M., we have decided to extend festivities from one minute to five minutes. This will allow more time for revellers to arrive, and for Alfred the Goat-Headed Boy to get ready.

Don't your eyes feel curiously warm? Aren't those ever-expanding dark spots on the walls beautiful?

Don't you feel so light?

Outside is a dark, pre-breakfast void where flimsy notions of death, worry and regret grow huge and monstrous.

Inside 4 AM is a time to eat (buttered pork pies, greased vegetable samosas) and drink (cheap vodka or cooking wine), be merry and alert, but let’s remember that it is also a time to reflect upon why we are celebrating and not, you know, in fucking bed, asleep, like.

Many of history’s greatest thinkers, artists and serial killers were greatly influenced by their dreams - so by staying awake, refusing the mattress, just imagine what great inspirational insight and potential you are denying yourself as your brain cells sputter out one by one!

So let’s light a candle for the steamy, lurid three-way with Kirsty and Phil that you will never get to experience; let's drink a cup of hand sanitiser and be thankful you no longer have the stress dream about spitting your bloody, loose teeth out like chunks of chipped crockery while you mess your unexpainable adult nappy during your live-to-air nationwide broadcast performance review. SHUT UP! I'VE SAID TOO MUCH

SLEEP IS FOR SINNERS

YOUR BED WILL BE YOUR CHARIOT TO HADES

GOD DOESN'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU GO SLEEPY BEDDY-BYES

Prison Biscuits

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Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #5 on: March 01, 2019, 04:05:26 AM »
OK, OK.

Never mind.

I shouldn't have mentioned the nappy dream...

Snuff the candles.  Send Alfred home to his stable. Cancel the tumbling catamites. Put the Traitor's Gate on ice.

We shall persevere...

4 A.M. is Eternal (the KLF were wrong!)

See you in the pre-dawn.

chveik

  • Her Laugh Is Like A Flock Of Tiny Birds
Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #6 on: March 01, 2019, 04:09:05 AM »
sorry i missed it

great thread though

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #7 on: March 01, 2019, 04:38:14 AM »
Mate it’s 11.36pm, what are you like?

Though, to contribute - I have been up 3am-4am every day for a month feeding a small child that now belongs to me. I’ll post in here at 4am PROPER time, not that funny UK time everyone keeps banging on about.

See you in 4.5hrs!

ToneLa

  • Kill your masters
Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #8 on: March 01, 2019, 08:43:55 AM »
I'm on dole so being up at 8am is like your 4am.

Was fucking bereft, nothing going on, the earth completely still at that hour apart from birds and traffic and emails

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #9 on: March 01, 2019, 10:24:31 AM »
5.24am.

Ferris Jr slept past 4am. He woke up at 1am, but Mrs Ferris dealt with it and I slept straight through - result!

Spoon of Ploff

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Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #10 on: March 02, 2019, 09:43:07 AM »
I was up at 4 A.M this morning looking forward to Prison Biscuits' latest message of hope.


Nothing.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #11 on: March 02, 2019, 10:37:49 AM »
5.37am

Prison Biscuits

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Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #12 on: March 02, 2019, 01:08:05 PM »
I was up at 4 A.M this morning looking forward to Prison Biscuits' latest message of hope.


Nothing.

My apologies. Our team is currently reassessing the concept of “4 A.M.” and will resume the festivities after the weekend. We hope to up the attendance rate from “none” to “some”.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #13 on: March 05, 2019, 09:00:03 AM »
4am, clocking in here.

No outstanding messages? Bit disappointed.

Prison Biscuits

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Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #14 on: March 05, 2019, 04:00:06 PM »
ANNOUNCEMENT!

DELIGHT! AND BE MADE UP!

4 A.M. shall be observed tomorrow morning, GMT. All are welcome, all are included!

Fortify your body with cholesterol and trans fats and drinks you cannot handle!

15 minutes of carousal and revelry!

Unnecessary carbs! Vomit buckets! Stomach cramps and enlightenment!


Bring lard, drippings, and hard liquor.


And a blood sacrifice.

seepage

  • throwing a dog at some goblins
Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #15 on: March 05, 2019, 05:38:10 PM »
apologies too: last night afforded me near-perfect conditions, but I'd accidentally turned off daylight saving, so missed it. Let's see what tonight brings!

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #16 on: March 05, 2019, 06:41:15 PM »
Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me another 3 or 4 times shame on you I think? Don’t remember how that goes.

Prison Biscuits

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Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #17 on: March 06, 2019, 04:00:01 AM »
4 A.M. assemble! Rejoice once more!

Conditions are perfect. The darkness crackles with anticipation.

4 A.M. flutters open like a flower mouth eager to be pollinated. Like the soft woof of the gas heater announcing itself.

Rise from your dismal sheets of staring up at the dark dip of ceiling, like a polychaete slug, like a segmented wastrel. My boss would not give me time off work to celebrate 4 A.M. “Not a recognised holiday”. Blind! 4 A.M. is beyond religion, non-political, asexual, all-inclusive.


I lay my work clothes out for the morning and then roll through them at 4 A.M.

I pry a Scotch egg from its breadcrumb domicile as a mistle thrush digs out its snail.

There’s a shrine to the morning in the meadow next door that the horses made by kicking their feeding trough apart and clopping off bits of stable doors. It’s a testament to how far they’ve come as a race.



What do you see?

What does it sound like?

We value your thoughts!



I can only invite you in, dear sleepless ones; I cannot make you stay. 4 I a.m. just a man (little word trickery there!), a single violin playing to itself in an empty cathedral of time, the protest of each nag’s hair on the bow echoing back in diminishing returns.

Tell your loved ones. It is good. It is glorious.

WHILST HERETIC NEIGHBOURS SLUMBER IN THEIR CELLS

SET A FIRE

(I should’ve married Tiffany when I still had the dance moves. Or maybe Abigail while the hair was still there) NO REGRETS AT 0400

ONLY FIRE

SET FIRE TO THE ASLEEP

WAKE THEM UP

AN ALARM CLOCK OF WHITE HOT FLAMES

THIS IS WHAT SLEEP LOOKS LIKE TO THE LORD


Prison Biscuits

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Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #18 on: March 06, 2019, 04:15:01 AM »
HO HUM WHAT’S THE MATTER DID BABY NEED A NAP


You have missed:

-   bowling a wheel of edam at your newborn child’s sleeping head!
-   everyone found a quid up their arse and bought scratchcards!
-   a full moon with a double yolk!
-   Rustler’s burgers consumed cold and limp from their packets!
-   beautiful sentences enunciated with perfect diction – pure mountain poetry – recorded by nymphomaniac stenographers in finger yoghurt on the faces of baby cows!
-   the word “willy” spoken aloud by a distinguished gentleman of letters!
-   balloons!

15 enjoyable minutes of chaotic celebration!

Brothers! Sisters!

ONCE MORE

I shall be here tomorrow for more heartening activities to gladden the way to daylight!

Hold my hand, and I’ll lay off the sermonising and burning of neighbours.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #19 on: March 06, 2019, 04:50:43 AM »
Mate, it’s 11.49pm. Get a grip.

I’ll be back in a few hours (at ACTUAL 4am) when my infant son has woken and loudly made his demands.

I’ll be here, oh yes. It is only a matter of time now.

seepage

  • throwing a dog at some goblins
Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #20 on: March 06, 2019, 08:44:09 AM »
I'm so sorry. 3.45am and got a green:

premium cava x 2 - check
cheese slices - check
reporter and photographer from Enjoy Nude Napoleonic Modelling Weekly - check

now 8.45 - must have nodded off mid-interview or something 

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #21 on: March 07, 2019, 09:02:47 AM »
4am. Checking in here.

Prison Biscuits

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Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #22 on: March 07, 2019, 09:36:41 AM »
4am. Checking in here.

Come on, mate, give us a bit more than that! What are the sounds, the sights, the smells? Have you prepared an offering? How have you dressed the pork pies: butter? Margarine? Lard? How does the Canadian dawn present itself? Details!

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #23 on: March 07, 2019, 09:53:44 AM »
It is dark here, Ferris Jr wolfed down his milky bottle in record time and did some hilarious burps/farts. Gets his comedy instinct from his old man.

I ate a challah bun with some cheese because that’s what we had in the fridge. I’m sitting in the half light thinking about where I’m going to get more challah from becaus it’s fucking class. From St Urbain bagels, if anyone cares. Go get some bagels from them if you’re ever in Toronto, and get a bacon sandwich from Carousel on the other side of the market.

I’m tired and rambling. My wife is looking at pictures of children’s books we should consider buying. This one is out of consideration, but got a big sleep-deprived laugh from me. Someone post the image if they can, I can’t work it out as I’m half asleep

https://imgur.com/a/K3YHouD

The sun is starting to turn the sky amber on the horizon. It smells of baby soap. I don’t think we have any cereal left. Slice of life mate, slice of life.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #24 on: March 07, 2019, 10:01:05 AM »
5am so I’ll stop posting here until next time!

Prison Biscuits

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Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #25 on: March 07, 2019, 10:16:04 AM »
A lovely and worthwhile contribution, comrade.

ToneLa

  • Kill your masters
Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #26 on: March 07, 2019, 10:45:51 AM »
At aboot 4AM I was dreamin I was with Kimmy Schmidt in a tunnel waiting for a train to come and I had a sleeping bag ready but she was more intent on playin darts but was startin tae flag

Thank God I woke up and back to this reality, eh?

Spoon of Ploff

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Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #27 on: March 08, 2019, 04:40:51 AM »
So... ehhh. Its dark and its cold.  That's about it really

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #28 on: March 08, 2019, 09:07:57 AM »
So... ehhh. Its dark and its cold.  That's about it really

...not at chez Ferris, where we’re up every 4am like some crazy rave-heads.

Cor, quite tired though.

Janie Jones

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Re: The 4 A.M. Thread
« Reply #29 on: March 10, 2019, 04:07:22 AM »
What are the sounds, the sights, the smells? Have you prepared an offering? How have you dressed the pork pies: butter? Margarine? Lard?
The birds are singing. The curtains are still dark. The stupidly expensive and entirely useless natural sleep aid pillow spray smells like a Great Aunt's gusset. The pork pies are undressed. Alfred the Goat Headed Boy is fractious. 6/10.