Author Topic: Tolkien.  (Read 1554 times)

Glebe

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Tolkien.
« on: March 06, 2019, 06:26:47 PM »
Tolkien teaser and full trailer.

So what d'y'reckon? Looks like by-the-numbers biopic stuff tbh, but I imagine I'll pop along and see it nonetheless.


Howj Begg

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Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #1 on: March 06, 2019, 06:30:51 PM »
lol

St_Eddie

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Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #2 on: March 06, 2019, 06:31:13 PM »
"ONLY IN THEATERS MAY 10th".

I don't know how they expect to make much money with a single day release.  Presumably they'll be ritually destroying all copies of the film on the 11th.

Twed

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Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #3 on: March 06, 2019, 07:04:45 PM »
Haha, stupid fucking cocaine-addled movie fucks.

thecuriousorange

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Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #4 on: March 06, 2019, 07:42:45 PM »
I bet it will be a vague approximation of his young life, peppered with egregious references to the books, in the spirit of such masterworks as Becoming Jane. I haven't watched the trailer.

biggytitbo

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Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #5 on: March 06, 2019, 07:44:53 PM »
Cucumber wasn't available then?

mothman

  • I don't know why
Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #6 on: March 06, 2019, 09:19:23 PM »
“You want me to lose Tolkien’s fourth friend from the script? But why? All of them played a huge part in his childhood!”
“Sorry, but yes. There’s gotta be just four of them including him. So we can tap into that whole four-hobbit vibe.”
“But there was a fifth in the books! Bolger, wasn’t he? Maybe even a sixth?”
“The books? Pfft. Who cares about THEM?”
“Er... John Ronald Ruell Tolkien? The man who wrote them... whose biopic this is?”

purlieu

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Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #7 on: March 06, 2019, 09:30:15 PM »
I wonder who came up with the name.

St_Eddie

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Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #8 on: March 06, 2019, 10:56:09 PM »
I wonder who came up with the name.

I dunno but to come up with such an out-there title, whoever it was must of been Tolkien some serious shit.

mothman

  • I don't know why
Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #9 on: March 06, 2019, 11:30:38 PM »
Oh, Christ. Only just got round to watching the full trailer. “He’s going to say ‘a Fellowship’ there at the end,” I thought.

Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #10 on: March 07, 2019, 12:21:36 AM »
There seems to be a new thing of having two of the film's vapid stars and/or director introducing the movie and/or trailer now, reading some autocued guff about how grateful they are to be a part of such an amazing project or what-have-you.  What's the point of this?  It's as if the studio is trying to say "Yes! See? They're really in it!"  I don't like it, personally.  If I go to the cinema especially I'd like to forget that I'm essentially watching some overpaid dullards wearing fancy-dress, but instead I'm forced to watch Emily Blunt dourly slurring out some script about how good it is that she's in Mary Poppins.

Oh, film looks like shit an' all.

Twed

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Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #11 on: March 07, 2019, 12:30:57 AM »
There was something really annoying being presented with those two. It made me think "what have they done to deserve taking ownership of Tolkien's legacy?".

Bennett Brauer

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Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #12 on: March 07, 2019, 01:36:32 AM »
The Inklinging.

biggytitbo

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Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #13 on: March 08, 2019, 12:38:27 PM »
I call it 'Lord of the Fingerhoops'.


Ohh John, thats not very catchy is it, what about, err, Lord of the...Rings?


Hmm, Lord of the Rings, I like the sound of that!

BlodwynPig

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Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #14 on: March 08, 2019, 12:46:32 PM »
Lovely stuff in the comments

“This is where the fellowship of the king was born!!”

“Err??”

“Sorry, im not too familiar with the books as you can see”

This sort of shite is a disease of culture and art.

0 popcorn bags


Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #15 on: March 08, 2019, 02:26:25 PM »
"Whatchu Tolkien bout, Lewis?"

Cuellar

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Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #16 on: March 08, 2019, 02:38:32 PM »
It's staring George North!

Looks meh. Hope the vast majority of the film is him in a library fucking inventing a language. In silence.

AsparagusTrevor

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Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #17 on: March 08, 2019, 02:45:28 PM »
Tolkien: "Here is my book and that, it's called 'Lord of the Rings' like"
Publicist: "It's over a thousand pages?! Nobody will ever want to read that!"

BlodwynPig

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Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #18 on: March 08, 2019, 03:06:37 PM »
It's staring George North!

Looks meh. Hope the vast majority of the film is him in a library fucking inventing a language. In silence.

With a single dimly lit sex scene.

Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #19 on: March 08, 2019, 03:11:36 PM »
Tolkien: "Here is my book and that, it's called 'Lord of the Rings' like"
Publicist: "It's over a thousand pages?! Nobody will ever want to read that!"

Basically.

Alberon

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Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #20 on: March 08, 2019, 03:26:13 PM »
It should be set in the 60s after American pot heads discovered the trilogy and kept phoning Tolken up in the early hours of the morning because they couldn’t work out the time difference.

You could set the film over the course of a single night and having him become grouchier and grouchier, crying out the film’s catchphrase “I don’t believe it!” when the phone goes off yet again. You could have a fairly improbable sequence where he manages to mix up his slipper with a dead hedgehog.

I’d watch it.

BlodwynPig

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Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #21 on: March 08, 2019, 03:29:46 PM »
"I really enjoyed your TV show, Tales of the Unexpected!"

Tolkein - "Why you!!!! Get out of my estate".


"I really enjoyed your book on fly fishing!"

Tolkein - "Not you again, I ought to beat ten shades of hell out of your backside, lad"


"The Moomins is such a great series of books!"

Tolkein - "I...I don't....I don't believe it! Margaret!!!"

Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #22 on: March 08, 2019, 03:31:32 PM »
“Er... John Ronald Ruell Tolkien? The man who wrote them... whose biopic this is?”

I had a dream once where his name was revealed to actually be:

John Rodney Rodney Tolkein

gilbertharding

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Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #23 on: March 08, 2019, 04:15:58 PM »
I knew they'd take this option rather than try to make a film of The Silmarillion.

BlodwynPig

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Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #24 on: March 08, 2019, 04:38:32 PM »
I knew they'd take this option rather than try to make a film of The Silmarillion.

I've just remembered that my great-aunt was a student of his - it obviously didn't make a lasting impression as I had forgotten all about it until now. She had a first edition of one of his books signed inside. That was probably binned in the 90s after she moved into a nursing home.

Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #25 on: March 08, 2019, 04:57:53 PM »
I knew they'd take this option rather than try to make a film of The Silmarillion.

Wouldn't that film be quite long?

gilbertharding

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Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #26 on: March 08, 2019, 06:09:52 PM »
Given that they turned The Hobbit into an eight and a half hour film, the longer the better, apparently.

I've never read it, by the way - finding it utterly impenetrable to the point of not worth the bother. But I might have watched the film trailer, if they made it.

Glebe

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Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #27 on: March 08, 2019, 06:31:43 PM »
I've made a few attempts to get through The Silmarillion over the years. I cannae do it.

BlodwynPig

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Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #28 on: March 08, 2019, 08:05:32 PM »
I've made a few attempts to get through The Silmarillion over the years. I cannae do it.

The ending is brilliant

Quote
And Lord Bilbo did verily cometh return backeth to the Land oF hobbiton. Beshevvelled but proud.

"A Fellowship, Sire Cumberbatch?" Bilbo asketh of Sire Cumberbatch.

"Yeh, verily, a goodish idea for us band of four brethren" Sire Cumberbatch did retort.

"TOLKEIN!" Cameth the cries of the gathered dwarves and elves.

"Do the dance! Do the dance" yelled Mordor the Beige.

and then Bilbo did the dance.

chveik

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Re: Tolkien.
« Reply #29 on: March 08, 2019, 08:58:56 PM »
I knew they'd take this option rather than try to make a film of The Silmarillion.

amazon's doing a Silmarillion series apparently.