£5 for a wank pass from April

[biggytitbo]

Where does it say its postponed? Have I ordered a hundred weight of old Razzles for nothing?

[Paul Calf]

It's on Sky News, Forbes and The Mirror websites. I don't really want to google and post them while I'm connected to a client's VPN.

[daf]

It's been delayed. No-one knows for how long.

Until all the MPs can work out how to get around it.

(YES YOU ARE, REES-MOGG YOU DIRTY OLD BOLLOCKS, I BET YOU ARE!)

[Jittlebags]

Where does it say its postponed? Have I ordered a hundred weight of old Razzles for nothing?

You can always chuck them into a hedge.

[Uncle TechTip]

I splashed out on a pass and now it's not needed.  Have I got any comeback?

You're meant to wank into a sock - the pass is to allow you to see the video only.

[Jittlebags]

Zuffle.

[idunnosomename]

I think like Brexit this is a "this is definitely happening" matter but it won't because it's impossible

Perhaps Chris Grayling will be made minister for masturbation. Well he does look like an enormous knob at least!!! hahah pay me now News Quiz thanks

[Jittlebags]

He might even make a hand of it.

[thenoise]

In a new survey commissioned for the BBC Three series Porn Laid Bare, 50% were in favour of the porn ban.

Yes, women. That's why we need porn ffs!

[Blumf]

Yes, women. That's why we need porn ffs!

Imagine the ruckus if they put a 5 quid snoop fee on Fifty Shades!

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

Until all the MPs can work out how to get around it.

(YES YOU ARE, REES-MOGG YOU DIRTY OLD BOLLOCKS, I BET YOU ARE!)

Mate, Reed-Mogg gets his rocks off by glimpsing an inch of ankle revealed on a daguerreotype by a debutante. He doesn't give a fuck if he can't access DVDA interracial gangbangs.

[daf]

Mate, Reed-Mogg gets his rocks off by glimpsing an inch of ankle revealed on a daguerreotype by a debutante.

Bet he's got this one  - 19th Century French stereo saucepots *

fun fact : Queen's Brian May gets a 'thanks' for providing most of the pics - THE DIRTY OLD BOLLOCKS!!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
(I've had this one hidden behind the loose brick in the cellar for the last 20 years in case of "emergencies" - I almost broke my eyeballs trying to 'magic eye' the plumptious 3D stereo bums up without the proper equipment!)

[Sebastian Cobb]

I knew I was right not to chuck out my copy of Tool's 10,000 days!

[thenoise]

Will channel 5 bring back their infamous late night 'erotic thrillers'? Will channel 4 start showing racy foreign movies with advert breaks filled with sad 'party chat' adverts? Will young people start going to parties and having casual sex again?

[thenoise]

Or will the government just quietly drop it like the last time they tried to censor internet porn?

[willpurry]

Will channel 5 bring back their infamous late night 'erotic thrillers'?

Best bit of 'Electra'.

https://youtu.be/IaieWJFQ2tY?t=72

[Hey, Punk!]

I'm a masochist so I'll get a good few wanks over the government denying me porn.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Best bit of 'Electra'.

https://youtu.be/IaieWJFQ2tY?t=72

That 'Heartless Bitch' line is up there with the 'Stick Around' in Predator, it might even be better.

[Twit 2]

All of this has reminded me of the following:

When I was a teenager I worked in a chippy and had bought a DVD of a porn from America. This was in early days of internet, you see (dial up modem at home; at school we used to put images from websites that had escaped the filter on a floppy disk when no one was looking). I had even gone to the post office to buy the dollars and sent them by post. The whole thing now seems hilariously analogue and convoluted - even the disc played in black and white due to the region. But with this feature-length grot I was a prince among men at the chippy. I lent it to the boss and went further up in his estimations, I have no doubt. A lad there called Billy was next in line. As he was finishing his day shift, he was asked to stay on and do the evening one too, as they were short. This triggered a weird breakdown in him, whereupon he started ranting about how he'd been looking forward to going home with the DVD and that he had "saved up all his wanks". He got on his moped and began repeatedly driving it into the wall in the alley round the back of the shop, while the manager and I stood at the door laughing.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Fucking lol. You've reminded me of two things with that story.

Firstly, we got round the grot filter at school by using stealing French phrase dictionary and cobbling together the term 'belles nuelles'.

Secondly when I was a teenager I was a potwash in a manor house, someone who I tolerated at school but ultimately found a bit annoying started working there as a trainee chef, he had a moped. When one of the chefs was on their leaving shift he put shaving foam on their car to wind him up. The chef noticed when they were out for a smoke but rather than fixing it decided to get his own back. At the end of the shift he acted mad and said 'clean it up' the guy laughs, jumps on his ped and tries to burn off. He slid off the seat and fell sideways with the ped. The wonders of butter.

[idunnosomename]

A lad there called Billy

Did he have a ten-foot willy?

[Jittlebags]

Did he have a ten-foot willy?

Did he show it to the girl next door ?

[Better Midlands]

Did he show it to the girl next door ?

She thought it was a snake

[Jittlebags]

Did she hit it with a rake ?

[Paul Calf]

Is it now considerably foreshortened to a mere 132cm?

[momatt]

That's still not bad.
I'd be happy with that.

[Better Midlands]

That's still not bad.
I'd be happy with that.

No bell end though, that's the best bit.

[Jittlebags]

No bell end though, that's the best bit.

Be good for a family crest that.

"Priorisque nodus consequentis frenum est optimus" 

[Jittlebags]

It's all happening on July 15th now according to the Grauniad.

[biggytitbo]

This is brexit all over again.


They still have the 1/3rd rule so there is massive profit to be made making sites with a third insertion, a third kittens and a third cooking tips.