Author Topic: £5 for a wank pass from April  (Read 8969 times)

Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #30 on: March 07, 2019, 09:07:21 PM »
Porn is a massive waste of time, spunk and mind power, I for one am glad it is all being destroyed.

This is bollocks, if you compare wanking to other pointless activities it's over pretty quick. One can lose evenings or a day to television and entire weekends to video games.

Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #31 on: March 07, 2019, 09:10:17 PM »
Quick lesson in VPNs please?

Zetetic

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Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #32 on: March 07, 2019, 09:11:06 PM »
Yeah VPN use will just explode
Which leads us to the obvious next step.

Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #33 on: March 07, 2019, 09:11:35 PM »
Mopping up?

Cuellar

  • Push off my wire
Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #34 on: March 07, 2019, 09:12:55 PM »
I use Nord VPN, very easy. Download a little program, or apps for Android and iOS which is nice.

https://nordvpn.com/

Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #35 on: March 07, 2019, 09:15:18 PM »
Triffic. Cheers, mate. Job's a good 'un.

I am wanking as I type this.

Twit 2

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Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #36 on: March 07, 2019, 09:17:20 PM »
This is bollocks, if you compare wanking to other pointless activities it's over pretty quick. One can lose evenings or a day to television and entire weekends to video games.

You mean you’ve never lost an entire weekend to a wank? What are you doing with your life? (I once started a wank after being dismissed early Thursday afternoon which kept me occupied to the other side of the Sabbath, until it fulminated in spectacular fashion on Shrove Tuesday. Insert joke about pancake batter hahahahahaha)

Small Man Big Horse

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Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #37 on: March 07, 2019, 09:26:22 PM »
Why didn't I listen to smbh when he advised me to download all of the porn on the internet while I still could?

I'm going to have to chuck my muck over the elderly swimmers in that BBC1 ident while he sits on a pile of filth-filled hard drives and laughs at me.

Quite, I warned you all but no one took me seriously. It's not all bad news though, you can still masturbate to the opening credits of Holiday '83 on youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5ONnTv12Q4

Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #38 on: March 07, 2019, 09:34:12 PM »
Which leads us to the obvious next step.
i intentionally used language that conjured up imagery of a spunk volcano

thenoise

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Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #39 on: March 07, 2019, 09:55:35 PM »
Quite, I warned you all but no one took me seriously. It's not all bad news though, you can still masturbate to the opening credits of Holiday '83 on youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5ONnTv12Q4

When you've grown accustomed to champagne it's difficult to go back to tinned lager.

Howj Begg

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Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #40 on: March 07, 2019, 10:06:27 PM »
This is very cunning. Most men are going to be too shy to even approach April, let alone pay her the fiver.

Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #41 on: March 07, 2019, 10:18:52 PM »
If it's delayed till May, then well, that'll be pretty revolting

Small Man Big Horse

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Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #42 on: March 07, 2019, 10:56:28 PM »
If it's delayed till May, then well, that'll be pretty revolting

May might be grim, but trust me June would be far worse.

Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #43 on: March 07, 2019, 11:03:56 PM »
balls deep is better than a bad deep oh sorry that's shit

also that lady is very likely dead now rip. I mean RIP.

Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #44 on: March 07, 2019, 11:44:32 PM »
Which leads us to the obvious next step.

They may try but how would it work?

They could legislate businesses and demand escrow or blocks (to known providers), but you can make your own on any cloud host, too much of the web relies on it and you can put tunnels in tunnels (if there was key escrow).

St_Eddie

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Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #45 on: March 07, 2019, 11:56:46 PM »
balls deep is better than a bad deep oh sorry that's shit

Balls deep is better than balls deep in batter.

Dex Sawash

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Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #46 on: March 08, 2019, 12:29:17 AM »
Please take the balls out

Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #47 on: March 08, 2019, 12:32:49 AM »


Shame on you all for not preparing for this legislation, Tom knew this day was coming.  He even martyred himself for it.

Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #48 on: March 08, 2019, 12:45:05 AM »
All the potential for civil unrest after brexit and they think taking away wanks is a good idea.

Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #49 on: March 08, 2019, 09:54:17 AM »
May might be grim, but trust me June would be far worse.

Christ alive. I'm at once aroused and disgusted.

Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #50 on: March 08, 2019, 10:17:54 AM »
Also this wank pass could lead to a new golden age of printed pornography.

I for one miss the thrill of buying a magazine from an old Indian woman who took too long to find the price on the cover. It made me feel ALIVE!

Cuellar

  • Push off my wire
Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #51 on: March 08, 2019, 10:23:08 AM »
May might be grim, but trust me June would be far worse.

Christ I lost it at

Quote
round two! sucked me off and bang! straight up the shitter again!

Also:

Quote
Recommended:  Yes
Would You Return:  No

gilbertharding

  • Not even the rudest man in the Beatles
Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #52 on: March 08, 2019, 10:24:58 AM »
You're right. Loitering in the shop - carefully selected so that you'll not bump into anyone you know - until it's completely empty. A copy of the Guardian to hide the purchase on your way out...

Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #53 on: March 08, 2019, 10:44:05 AM »
You're right. Loitering in the shop - carefully selected so that you'll not bump into anyone you know - until it's completely empty. A copy of the Guardian to hide the purchase on your way out...

For me it was straight into the shoulder bag and away. I'd already done some recon work so I knew what magazine I wanted and how much it was so I had the exact money ready. I didn't want to be waiting for change.

Once, I bought one at around 7pm at night which was a fools errand. The shop was very busy and someone I knew from school was in the queue behind me. I tried as best as I could to shield the magazine from him but the man behind the counter made a big show of taking it from me. My friend was being an adult and buying wine for him and his fiancee. Still his brother died not long after so...swings and roundabouts.

Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #54 on: March 08, 2019, 11:35:42 AM »
Very disappointed with this news. I was hoping with the introduction of the 33% rule PornHub was going to somehow flood its own website with triple the amount of content of loads of random not porny stuff to get round the legislation. Was hope they would buy up a load of old tape libraries from long forgotten european TV channels.

I read somewhere that whilst Porn Hub has one of, if not the highest number of individual users of any website on the planet, the average time spent browsing is less than 10 minutes. They should diversify their portfolio to encourage people to stick around a bit; put on some of those 24 hour ambient field recording tracks of an iceberg melting or something - something to soothe you to snooze on that post-wank nap.

Cuellar

  • Push off my wire
Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #55 on: March 08, 2019, 11:39:05 AM »
You're right. Loitering in the shop - carefully selected so that you'll not bump into anyone you know - until it's completely empty. A copy of the Guardian to hide the purchase on your way out...

Nowadays it's hiding the Guardian inside a rhythm mag isn't it!!!!!

Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #56 on: March 08, 2019, 11:56:09 AM »
My friend (honestly) was looking for "The Stand" (the TV mini-series) online the other week and one of the places it was in full was PornHub so maybe they are diversifying?

Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #57 on: March 08, 2019, 01:20:21 PM »
My friend (honestly) was looking for "The Stand" (the TV mini-series) online the other week and one of the places it was in full was PornHub so maybe they are diversifying?

I wanted to link someone to some of the grimmest hiphop on Death Row - Dj Quick's Mo Pussy and the only place I could find it was pornhub as well.

Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #58 on: March 08, 2019, 01:26:13 PM »
Already got myself a NordVPN subscription.  3 years for less than 40 quid if done through topcashback.  They can get to fuck if they think I'm voluntarily signing onto a wankers register

ToneLa

  • Kill your masters
Re: £5 for a wank pass from April
« Reply #59 on: March 08, 2019, 01:27:15 PM »
My friend (honestly) was looking for "The Stand" (the TV mini-series) online the other week and one of the places it was in full was PornHub so maybe they are diversifying?

I bet they have some interesting results for "Fist of Fun"