Author Topic: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?  (Read 23975 times)

Artie Fufkin

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #270 on: October 13, 2020, 04:46:02 PM »
Which hard rock drummer does Indiana Jones carry about with him?

Lars Bullwhip

What??

Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #271 on: October 13, 2020, 04:49:20 PM »
Which British beat group had to regularly deodorize?

Hermans Armpits

Artie Fufkin

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #272 on: October 13, 2020, 04:51:42 PM »
I've probably NOT made this up, however :

Which 2 Tone frontman doesn't know anything?

Shruggs

Artie Fufkin

  • Let Me In, Sparks
Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #273 on: October 13, 2020, 04:57:23 PM »
Which music star would get you safely across the river Mersey?

John Coltrane - he served in the Navy.

Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #274 on: October 13, 2020, 06:02:20 PM »
How does Ozzy wash a Swedish car?

In a black Saab bath.

Artie Fufkin

  • Let Me In, Sparks
Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #275 on: October 14, 2020, 09:14:39 AM »
How does Ozzy get his steaming vent brought to him?

By his geyser butler

Captain Z

  • CABBALD
Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #276 on: October 14, 2020, 07:54:05 PM »
What did Fatima get in her computer science degree?

A tutu.

Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #277 on: October 16, 2020, 11:35:37 AM »
edit: never mind.
« Last Edit: October 16, 2020, 11:46:42 AM by your dad »

Ray Travez

  • NOW what
Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #278 on: October 16, 2020, 10:53:05 PM »
Why did the cat scream?

It had been driven insane by Coronavirus!

chocky909

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #279 on: October 18, 2020, 07:42:34 PM »
I'm sure this has been done before but I couldn't verify on Google search...

She's not so much a Page 3 Girl, more a Past-ry Girl.

Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #280 on: October 20, 2020, 12:50:13 PM »
A lot of us have been taking up new hobbies in this year of coronavirus and I've offered myself as a nude for the art class at my local community centre. I'm still waiting to hear back, but I've been practicing by walking around the town centre naked, except for a face mask. Everyone else is getting into the spirit of this "new normal" too, with nobody coming within two metres of me.

Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #281 on: October 22, 2020, 09:34:10 PM »
The workers in the Halloween store on the High Street are rushed off their feet...

They are running on skeleton staff

I know right, that is good

Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #282 on: October 23, 2020, 08:51:25 AM »
The Thing got terrible skin burns from The Human Torch but he was refused treatment at the Burns Unit, who said it was too much work

No one was willing to do the hard graft.

Norton Canes

  • In today's room, with today's view
Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #283 on: October 25, 2020, 10:31:39 AM »
Did your hear about the constipated cyclist?

He needed a digital shifter

Norton Canes

  • In today's room, with today's view
Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #284 on: October 25, 2020, 10:35:03 AM »
Which Irish comedian is made of egg?

Dylan Meringue

Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #285 on: October 25, 2020, 08:46:53 PM »
What vegetables can you wear on your feet?

Shoecumbers

Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #286 on: October 25, 2020, 09:50:32 PM »
Can you help me think of a name for the tiger who roams in the same jungle as Mowgli and Baloo?

Sure can!

Non Stop Dancer

  • Nice apple tart
Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #287 on: October 25, 2020, 10:12:29 PM »
My best mate married a Muslim at the weekend.

Sunni?

Nah, fucking pissed down.

Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #288 on: October 26, 2020, 12:31:42 PM »
My best mate married a Muslim at the weekend.

Sunni?

Nah, fucking pissed down.

Shi'ite weather

Artie Fufkin

  • Let Me In, Sparks
Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #289 on: October 26, 2020, 02:42:15 PM »
What vegetables can you wear on your feet?

Shoecumbers

Genuine LOLS *clap*

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #290 on: October 27, 2020, 03:27:08 PM »
What vegetables should you pin on the front of taxis?

Cabbadges.

Which Jazz pianist is named with a portmanteau celebrating the time his mother's IBS was inflamed by eating too much endive?

Chick Corea.

Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #291 on: October 31, 2020, 06:33:19 PM »
Why did the snail lose its shell?

Snail pattern baldness

Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #292 on: October 31, 2020, 06:45:36 PM »
Which vegetable was a big hit for David Bowie?

Aubergine Jeannie

And which one featured on the Velvet Underground's first album, featuring Bowie's old mate Lou Reed?

Run Run Runner bean


Ray Travez

  • NOW what
Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #293 on: October 31, 2020, 11:11:40 PM »
Which other vegetable features on the Velvet Underground's first album?

John Kale

Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #294 on: October 31, 2020, 11:48:13 PM »
Where do Scottish Velvet Underground fans go to buy their weekly shop?

Stirling Morrisons








https://my.morrisons.com/storefinder/197

Ray Travez

  • NOW what
Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #295 on: November 01, 2020, 06:17:50 AM »
Which member of the Velvet Underground always shouts for extra food?

Mo' Tucker!
« Last Edit: November 01, 2020, 07:09:27 AM by Ray Travez »

thenoise

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #296 on: November 01, 2020, 08:58:15 AM »
Why did the Velvet Underground's rehearsal space always smell so bad?

Lou Weed

Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #297 on: November 02, 2020, 07:30:23 PM »
Sigh. Another popular celebrity has said that putting on a mask drives him crazy.

Jim Carrey

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #298 on: November 13, 2020, 01:06:10 PM »
Why did the gay rights march organiser refuse at first to admit he had scheduled it at the wrong time of year?

Because Pride comes before a fall.

kittens

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #299 on: November 15, 2020, 11:45:06 AM »
why is like i don't know Mark Kermode or that other one from the guardian (sam something?) that everyone hates similar to a cedilla or maybe an acute accent

they are all DIACRITICS (DIRE CRITICS)

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