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Have we had a jokes thread in a while?

Started by pancreas, March 08, 2019, 11:09:30 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Artie Fufkin

Which hard rock drummer does Indiana Jones carry about with him?

Spoiler alert
Lars Bullwhip
[close]

What??

jobotic

Which British beat group had to regularly deodorize?

Spoiler alert
Hermans Armpits
[close]

Artie Fufkin

I've probably NOT made this up, however :

Which 2 Tone frontman doesn't know anything?

Spoiler alert
Shruggs
[close]

Artie Fufkin

Which music star would get you safely across the river Mersey?

Spoiler alert
John Coltrane - he served in the Navy.
[close]

JaDanketies

How does Ozzy wash a Swedish car?

Spoiler alert
In a black Saab bath.
[close]

Artie Fufkin

How does Ozzy get his steaming vent brought to him?

Spoiler alert
By his geyser butler
[close]

Captain Z

What did Fatima get in her computer science degree?

A tutu.

your dad

#277
edit: never mind.

Ray Travez

Why did the cat scream?

Spoiler alert
It had been driven insane by Coronavirus!
[close]

chocky909

I'm sure this has been done before but I couldn't verify on Google search...

She's not so much a Page 3 Girl, more a Past-ry Girl.

A lot of us have been taking up new hobbies in this year of coronavirus and I've offered myself as a nude for the art class at my local community centre. I'm still waiting to hear back, but I've been practicing by walking around the town centre naked, except for a face mask. Everyone else is getting into the spirit of this "new normal" too, with nobody coming within two metres of me.

The workers in the Halloween store on the High Street are rushed off their feet...

Spoiler alert
They are running on skeleton staff
[close]

Spoiler alert
I know right, that is good
[close]

Gulftastic

The Thing got terrible skin burns from The Human Torch but he was refused treatment at the Burns Unit, who said it was too much work

No one was willing to do the hard graft.

Norton Canes

Did your hear about the constipated cyclist?

Spoiler alert
He needed a digital shifter
[close]

Norton Canes

Which Irish comedian is made of egg?

Spoiler alert
Dylan Meringue
[close]

jobotic

What vegetables can you wear on your feet?

Spoiler alert
Shoecumbers
[close]

Can you help me think of a name for the tiger who roams in the same jungle as Mowgli and Baloo?

Spoiler alert
Sure can!
[close]

Non Stop Dancer

My best mate married a Muslim at the weekend.

Sunni?

Nah, fucking pissed down.

JaDanketies

Quote from: Non Stop Dancer on October 25, 2020, 10:12:29 PM
My best mate married a Muslim at the weekend.

Sunni?

Nah, fucking pissed down.

Shi'ite weather

Artie Fufkin

Quote from: jobotic on October 25, 2020, 08:46:53 PM
What vegetables can you wear on your feet?

Spoiler alert
Shoecumbers
[close]

Genuine LOLS *clap*

pancreas

What vegetables should you pin on the front of taxis?

Spoiler alert
Cabbadges.
[close]

Which Jazz pianist is named with a portmanteau celebrating the time his mother's IBS was inflamed by eating too much endive?

Spoiler alert
Chick Corea.
[close]

privatefriend

Why did the snail lose its shell?

Spoiler alert
Snail pattern baldness
[close]

jobotic

Which vegetable was a big hit for David Bowie?

Spoiler alert
Aubergine Jeannie
[close]

And which one featured on the Velvet Underground's first album, featuring Bowie's old mate Lou Reed?

Spoiler alert
Run Run Runner bean
[close]

Ray Travez

Which other vegetable features on the Velvet Underground's first album?

Spoiler alert
John Kale
[close]

jobotic

Where do Scottish Velvet Underground fans go to buy their weekly shop?

Spoiler alert
Stirling Morrisons
[close]








Spoiler alert

Ray Travez

#295
Which member of the Velvet Underground always shouts for extra food?

Spoiler alert
Mo' Tucker!
[close]

thenoise

Why did the Velvet Underground's rehearsal space always smell so bad?

Lou Weed

Sigh. Another popular celebrity has said that putting on a mask drives him crazy.

Spoiler alert
Jim Carrey
[close]

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Why did the gay rights march organiser refuse at first to admit he had scheduled it at the wrong time of year?

Spoiler alert
Because Pride comes before a fall
[close]
.

kittens

why is like i don't know Mark Kermode or that other one from the guardian (sam something?) that everyone hates similar to a cedilla or maybe an acute accent

they are all DIACRITICS (DIRE CRITICS)