Author Topic: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?  (Read 48539 times)

Artie Fufkin

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #360 on: August 26, 2021, 12:45:44 PM »
Which dinosaur was the bestest author?

Emily Brontesaurus

Artie Fufkin

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #361 on: August 26, 2021, 12:46:16 PM »
Which dinosaur was the bestest actor?

Tyrannosaurs Rex Harrison

Fr.Bigley

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #362 on: August 26, 2021, 01:05:08 PM »
What happened when the man from Del Monte said no?

his family were butchered by the cartel

Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #363 on: August 26, 2021, 02:12:03 PM »
Which Triassic era flying lizard was in Miami Vice?

Pteranodon Johnson

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #364 on: August 26, 2021, 11:54:47 PM »
What's the difference between a toddler and a bag of coke?

the punchline is so horrible I can't write it out

Artie Fufkin

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #365 on: August 27, 2021, 12:40:45 PM »
Which is the least offensive dinosaur

The Diplomaticdocus

Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #366 on: August 28, 2021, 12:22:42 PM »
Which non-mammalian synapsid that went extinct 40 million years before the rise of the dinosaurs was in Miami Vice?

Dimetrodon Johnson

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #367 on: September 02, 2021, 09:51:17 PM »
Very nearly completed the tiling in the bathroom. It's all over bar the grouting.

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #368 on: September 02, 2021, 09:52:06 PM »
I like wrapping my records and board games in my underwear. They're vested interests.

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #369 on: September 02, 2021, 09:52:38 PM »
Just seen that bloke from Madness drop his phone.

Suggs to be you.

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #370 on: September 02, 2021, 09:53:51 PM »
Chest hair - it really gets on my tits

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #371 on: September 02, 2021, 09:56:48 PM »
That 2000 US election only went to Bush because of Democrats being encouraged to vote with their feet.

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #372 on: September 02, 2021, 09:58:46 PM »
My mate keeps complaining shags are hard to come by. I reckon he's doing it wrong.

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #373 on: September 02, 2021, 09:59:43 PM »
Why did I refuse to sleep with the butcher even though he offered me a year's worth of free meat?

Pride comes before offal.

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #374 on: September 02, 2021, 10:02:04 PM »
You wouldn't believe me that your record collection was deficient in German techno.

Ye of little Väth.

Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #375 on: September 02, 2021, 10:04:51 PM »
Q. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A. He was dead.

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #376 on: September 02, 2021, 10:08:02 PM »
Winter, spring, summer or fall. All you've got to do is call.

And I'll probably arrange a meeting at some point soon, definitely. Yeah, you've got an acquaintance.

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #377 on: September 02, 2021, 10:16:19 PM »
Bortolotti beans. Have til 2024 to Eatolotti beans.

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #378 on: September 02, 2021, 10:19:29 PM »
For a man well-versed in architecture Jonathan Meades is short on owning a personal collection. No manors but what a critic.

timebug

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #379 on: September 04, 2021, 09:08:58 AM »
A man in a Cinema notices what looks like a hamster sitting next to him.
"Are you a hamster?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the pictures?"
The hamster replied, "Well, I liked the book."

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #380 on: September 05, 2021, 03:13:40 AM »
Werner Herzog Joke

Why did ze penguin cross ze road?

To die. Alone. Insane and unnoticed.

Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #381 on: September 06, 2021, 03:22:42 PM »
I have a tendency to use phrases I don't really understand, and vice versa

Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #382 on: September 08, 2021, 09:25:24 AM »
Not a joke, but I actually laughed myself awake last night because of the following bizarre sentence I'd come up with during a dream:

Quote
'The third most plentiful substance in the universe is...tahini.'

Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #383 on: September 09, 2021, 12:43:26 PM »
Knock knock

Who's there?

Idunnap

Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #384 on: September 11, 2021, 11:17:44 AM »

Why did the cheese go to Blackpool?


To see the hallouminations

BeardFaceMan

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #385 on: September 11, 2021, 07:01:46 PM »
I'm terrible at maths, I can't do multiplication or division, but I can do addition and subtraction. More or less.

Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #386 on: September 12, 2021, 10:05:07 PM »
Have you heard about that new film called Constipation?

It hasn’t come out yet.

pancreas

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Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #387 on: September 12, 2021, 10:13:29 PM »
Why is the cauda epididymis totally unlike the prostatic urethra?

There's a vas deferens between them.

[Must have been done before but I refuse to check.]

Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #388 on: September 12, 2021, 10:13:39 PM »
the hallouminations

We used to call them the red indian cheeses

Re: Have we had a jokes thread in a while?
« Reply #389 on: September 20, 2021, 07:28:27 PM »
Who makes Dr Who's favourite pies?

Gallifrey Bentos.

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