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March 28, 2024, 09:48:16 PM

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Have we had a jokes thread in a while?

Started by pancreas, March 08, 2019, 11:09:30 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Artie Fufkin

Which dinosaur was the bestest author?

Spoiler alert
Emily Brontesaurus
[close]

Artie Fufkin

Which dinosaur was the bestest actor?

Spoiler alert
Tyrannosaurs Rex Harrison
[close]

Fr.Bigley

What happened when the man from Del Monte said no?

Spoiler alert
his family were butchered by the cartel
[close]

jobotic

Which Triassic era flying lizard was in Miami Vice?

Spoiler alert
Pteranodon Johnson
[close]

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

What's the difference between a toddler and a bag of coke?

Spoiler alert
the punchline is so horrible I can't write it out
[close]

Artie Fufkin

Which is the least offensive dinosaur

Spoiler alert
The Diplomaticdocus
[close]

jobotic

Which non-mammalian synapsid that went extinct 40 million years before the rise of the dinosaurs was in Miami Vice?

Spoiler alert
Dimetrodon Johnson
[close]

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Very nearly completed the tiling in the bathroom. It's all over bar the grouting.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

I like wrapping my records and board games in my underwear. They're vested interests.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Just seen that bloke from Madness drop his phone.

Suggs to be you.

Shoulders?-Stomach!


Shoulders?-Stomach!

That 2000 US election only went to Bush because of Democrats being encouraged to vote with their feet.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

My mate keeps complaining shags are hard to come by. I reckon he's doing it wrong.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Why did I refuse to sleep with the butcher even though he offered me a year's worth of free meat?

Pride comes before offal.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

You wouldn't believe me that your record collection was deficient in German techno.

Ye of little Väth.

Kankurette

Q. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A. He was dead.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Winter, spring, summer or fall. All you've got to do is call.

And I'll probably arrange a meeting at some point soon, definitely. Yeah, you've got an acquaintance.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Bortolotti beans. Have til 2024 to Eatolotti beans.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

For a man well-versed in architecture Jonathan Meades is short on owning a personal collection. No manors but what a critic.

timebug

A man in a Cinema notices what looks like a hamster sitting next to him.
"Are you a hamster?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the pictures?"
The hamster replied, "Well, I liked the book."

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

Werner Herzog Joke

Why did ze penguin cross ze road?

To die. Alone. Insane and unnoticed.

phantom_power

I have a tendency to use phrases I don't really understand, and vice versa

Neville Chamberlain

Not a joke, but I actually laughed myself awake last night because of the following bizarre sentence I'd come up with during a dream:

Quote'The third most plentiful substance in the universe is...tahini.'

jobotic


who cares


Why did the cheese go to Blackpool?


To see the hallouminations

BeardFaceMan

I'm terrible at maths, I can't do multiplication or division, but I can do addition and subtraction. More or less.

ColinPopshed

Have you heard about that new film called Constipation?

It hasn't come out yet.

pancreas

Why is the cauda epididymis totally unlike the prostatic urethra?

Spoiler alert
There's a vas deferens between them.
[close]

[Must have been done before but I refuse to check.]

jobotic


Gulftastic

Who makes Dr Who's favourite pies?

Gallifrey Bentos.