Author Topic: Have we had a jokes thread in a while? (Read 7820 times)

Crabwalk · « **Reply #90 on:** April 02, 2019, 01:27:17 AM »

Apparently there’s a corridor in the ‘New York City High School for the Performing Arts’ that’s full of memorabilia for Bill Haley, Chuck Berry and Buddy Holly.

That’s right, it’s ‘the Fame Hall of Rock’n’Roll’, you dweebs.

H-O-W-L · « **Reply #91 on:** April 02, 2019, 02:46:00 AM »

Garlic Bread????

Crabwalk · « **Reply #92 on:** April 02, 2019, 06:58:01 AM »

Hey dweebs, why are twins not allowed to work in fruit processing factories?

That’s right, it’s because they always cum in pears.

Twit 2 · « **Reply #93 on:** April 02, 2019, 06:01:18 PM »

I was reading about the Indian guru Dedattha Syeen. He was pronounced ‘Dead at the Scene’.

Bennett Brauer · « **Reply #94 on:** April 04, 2019, 12:50:04 AM »

How do socially pretentious goths greet each other at parties?

"Noir! Noir!"

DrGreggles · « **Reply #95 on:** April 04, 2019, 07:14:45 AM »

It's Grand National weekend, so I had a go on the sweep in the pub last night.
If I'm a good boy they're going to let me play with sooty tonight.

Bennett Brauer · « **Reply #96 on:** April 06, 2019, 12:59:27 AM »

Why did Lenny Henry's kitten suddenly scratch him?

Cat anger, my friend.

Ray Travez · « **Reply #97 on:** April 15, 2019, 02:42:08 AM »

my army sergeant told me to stick a masonry bit up my arse.
I asked him why?
He said "it's just part of the drill"

Dogbeard · « **Reply #98 on:** April 15, 2019, 11:53:38 AM »

I had to do a urine test one time when I had a brief stay in the Priory for depression, and they wanted to check people weren't doing any drugs. I was given a little pot for it. I was discussing it in the common room with some of the other mentals and in the course of this someone playfully took the pot and threw it across the room. Seizing the opportunity I said, "now I don't have a pot to piss in!". These chances don't come along often.

FerriswheelBueller · « **Reply #99 on:** April 15, 2019, 12:03:48 PM »

Quote from: Dogbeard on April 15, 2019, 11:53:38 AM

...check people weren't doing any drugs. I was given a little pot...

Very irresponsible

Dogbeard · « **Reply #100 on:** April 15, 2019, 12:11:34 PM »

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on April 15, 2019, 12:03:48 PM

Very irresponsible

You think that's bad. You should have seen all the pills and stuff they had - and they would actually hand them out to people each day too. Outrageous.

zomgmouse · « **Reply #101 on:** April 16, 2019, 04:58:18 AM »

Have you noticed how mucus proudly floats on water?

It's phlegm buoyant.

Please follow me on Twitter

Like share subscribe for more content

Sent from Samsung Galaxy S8

Gregory Torso · « **Reply #102 on:** April 16, 2019, 12:45:27 PM »

What is a very high waterfall's favourite hip hop group?

Niagaras With Altitude.

pancreas · « **Reply #103 on:** April 17, 2019, 02:12:31 AM »

What do lonely Chinese men do?

They go out and they get some ho fun.

Dusty Substance · « **Reply #104 on:** April 17, 2019, 05:29:04 AM »

What's big, white and furry and goes up and down?

A bipolar bear.

Gregory Torso · « **Reply #105 on:** April 22, 2019, 04:36:21 PM »

What is a deer's favourite Velvet Underground song?

Venison Furs.

you fucker

PlanktonSideburns · « **Reply #106 on:** April 22, 2019, 11:43:36 PM »

Did she go by her own accord?

No we took a train and booked a rental car when we got there

Can't be arsed to write a start for that one. I offer it up for parts/repair

sponk · « **Reply #107 on:** May 22, 2019, 10:41:42 PM »

Did you know that Canada's current Prime Minister is the son of a former Canadian Prime Minister who shares his surname?

Is it Trudeau?

Yes it is true.

Snake Plissken · « **Reply #108 on:** May 22, 2019, 10:54:59 PM »

'Where do you want this big roll of bubble wrap' I asked my boss. 'Just pop in the corner' he said. It took me three hours.

Bennett Brauer · « **Reply #109 on:** May 22, 2019, 11:41:27 PM »

sponk · « **Reply #110 on:** May 28, 2019, 02:20:14 PM »

What did the man in prison say to his wife when he told her about his plan to escape prison by mailing himself home in a brown padded envelope?

I'll be back in a jiffy

BeardFaceMan · « **Reply #111 on:** May 28, 2019, 03:20:47 PM »

What do you call a Mexican woman who does fanny farts? Queef Latina.

sponk · « **Reply #112 on:** May 28, 2019, 04:52:02 PM »

I think I'm unqualified for the demanding nature of my new job doing tattoos of the Nike logo on testicles in Latvia. I'm in a right ball tick state.

Bennett Brauer · « **Reply #113 on:** May 28, 2019, 06:44:01 PM »

Quote from: BeardFaceMan on May 28, 2019, 03:20:47 PM

What do you call a Mexican woman who does fanny farts? Queef Latina.

Tina Fey wants a word.

Gulftastic · « **Reply #114 on:** June 20, 2019, 08:50:54 PM »

Why does Captain Nemo never get any Xmas presents?

Because he's always on the Nautilis (naughty list)

zomgmouse · « **Reply #115 on:** June 21, 2019, 01:36:54 PM »

Beethoven's house was for rent so I applied fur elise

Tony Tony Tony · « **Reply #116 on:** June 21, 2019, 06:53:53 PM »

Are you any good with binary?

Hmmm..... on and off.

sponk · « **Reply #117 on:** July 01, 2019, 09:31:19 PM »

Why did Keith Chegwin and his wife give up alcohol?

Cos Cheggers' can't be boozers

Mr Banlon · « **Reply #118 on:** July 01, 2019, 09:55:37 PM »

Quote from: Gregory Torso on April 22, 2019, 04:36:21 PM

What is a deer's favourite Velvet Underground song?

Venison Furs.

you fucker

It's 'I'm Waiting For My Man'

Hey, white boy, what you doin' uptown?
Hey, white boy, you chasin' our women around?
Oh pardon me sir, it's the furthest from my mind
I'm just lookin' for a dear, deer friend of mine
I'm waiting for my man

zomgmouse · « **Reply #119 on:** July 03, 2019, 06:35:25 AM »

Edith Piaf liked most British New Wave bands, but... no Duran Duran

News:

Author Topic: Have we had a jokes thread in a while? (Read 7820 times)