Make my housemate stop making noises

[Sebastian Cobb]

I'd rather live next to a noisy neighbour than a hypersensitive one with unreasonable expectations of silence. You can ignore noise, or at least I can, whereas some mental who can't accept you're always going to hear your neighbours shuffling about in a flat, especially modern cheap ones with thin walls will have a chilling effect on your actions and sense of freedom.

I know someone like this, moans they can hear their neighbours watching telly late at night despite it's obviously on quite quietly but travelling because he bought a cheap as fuck flat (he's one of the most parsimonious people I know) with paper thin walls. He also once heard a noise in the distance in the night and walked the half-mile into the town centre to find a band playing (they sometimes do this outside the shopping centre as people are going home), he asked a policeman to tell them to be quiet, the policeman told him to fuck off. To be fair he's not a hypocrite, he watches telly with headphones on.

[Icehaven]

I had a feud for years with my downstairs neighbour complaining about me walking around in my flat. It got ugly. Police were called (not by me). I got screamed at. Could never explain to her that I said the same issue with my upstairs neighbours, but I understood it was the building.

Moved out in the end. Couldn't live like that forever.

It's exactly why I'd never live in a flat that wasn't the top floor, because I know it'd drive me mad but it's not something you can reasonably object to. Some people don't mind, a colleague of mine lives in the middle of a block and can hear everything in other flats but says it genuinely doesn't bother her. I'd kill to be like that (and find it a fuckton easier to find places when moving too) but unfortunately I'm just not, and it seems my downstairs neighbours aren't either but while I sympathise, they probably need to move.

[Noddy Tomkey]

This beef is ripe! Ultimate justice can be yours:

https://twitter.com/tomosp/status/1102998595685572609?s=20

[Funcrusher]

But worst of all is the guy down the hall who is a fucking garage DJ - the worst type of music in the world after reggae -

Last time I ever take anything you have to say about music seriously.

[Captain Z]

(he's one of the most parsimonious people I know)

Well, persimmonhomes are well known for poor build quality.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Well, persimmonhomes are well known for poor build quality.

[Mrs Wogans lemon drizzle]

Have you thought about having a word with him rather than asking the internet for help?

[Cold Meat Platter]

Make the same noise right after he does it but louder.

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

ARGGHHH!!

[Sebastian Cobb]

Make the same noise right after he does it but louder.

Or respond with an airhorn.

[Noddy Tomkey]

Does anyone remember 'gang stalking'? Do that.

[Twed]

Oh wouldn't it be nice
to get on wif me neighbours

[St_Eddie]

Oh wouldn't it be nice
to get on me neighbours wifi

There's a guy who lives next door to me who is really pale and doughy and tall with very long lank black hair...

That moment when you realise that you live next door to a fellow CaBer.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

EEEAAAE!!!

I can't imagine what that actually sounds like coming from the lips of your meffy housemate. Is it a bit like the Willhelm Scream? Or maybe Bobby Gillespie.

[idunnosomename]

fill him full of oil

[St_Eddie]

EEEAAAE!!!

I can't imagine what that actually sounds like coming from the lips of your meffy housemate. Is it a bit like the Willhelm Scream? Or maybe Bobby Gillespie.

Bobby Gillespie and the Willhelm Screamers.  Good tribute act band name.

[BlodwynPig]

\He also once heard a noise in the forest in the night and walked the half-mile into the forest and was never seen again.

[flotemysost]

It's exactly why I'd never live in a flat that wasn't the top floor, because I know it'd drive me mad but it's not something you can reasonably object to.

It is a minefield isn't it? We recently got new upstairs neighbours, and the guy in the room above mine is a virile young Polish lad who always seems to be either playing drum n' bass or shagging. During the former, the bass resonates through the ceiling, and with the latter, my entire bedroom shakes with each thrust - not ideal given that both generally take place between midnight-4am on weeknights.

I don't think he's doing either at an unreasonable volume though, it's just an unfortunately flimsy building with no carpets. I've got earplugs but find them really hard to sleep in.

How do you bring that up? 'Hi, I live downstairs, err yeah so I know we've never properly met before but I was thinking maybe you could mix it up in the old bedroom department now and then, slip her one in the shower or something?'

[Sebastian Cobb]

I was knackered after a housemate had his then girlfriend over for the nth night on the trot. Don't do what I did and say 'I don't mind the shagging because at least that's going to be over in a while, it's hearing you natter to her all night through the walls that's keeping me awake'.

[St_Eddie]

I can hear when my neighbour above me is having sex.  Moaning and bedpost slamming.  It doesn't bother me particularly though, as her boyfriend doesn't seem to have much stamina.  5 minutes.  7, tops.  I just crank up the volume on my headphones.

[Cold Meat Platter]

I just crank up the volume on my headphones.

I'LL BET YOU DO etc.

[ToneLa]

Oh wouldn't it be nice
to get on wif me neighbours

but it wouldn't last for very long
Maybe if I was fuckin older
I'd be deaf before too long

Oh wouldn't it be nice?

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

I can hear when my neighbour above me is having sex.  Moaning and bedpost slamming.  It doesn't bother me particularly though, as her boyfriend doesn't seem to have much stamina.  5 minutes.  7, tops.  I just crank up the volume on my headphones.

I'd be wanking along with them like an absolute demon. You could time your strokes with each slam of the bedpost or sex moan. Maybe even do a bit of shouting as encouragement. AAARGH!!

[ToneLa]

When I was at uni living oot in my second year and slightly less pleasant(!) this fat fella upstairs had loud, disgusting sex (he moaned more than she did) with his bird at the absolute worst times. Let it go on for a few months but it was getting ridiculous and I could hear every weak thrust and grunt and slap

So when I was drunk one night (can't narrow it down further) I took mop-based umbrage and banged on my ceiling with the non-mop end shouting shite along the lines of STOP FUCKING AT 4AM JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! DO IT IN THE DAY!! FUCK OFF!!

... I have, over the years, briefly wondered what kind of blissful, passionate romance I utterly destroyed judging from the ensuing permanent silence, but yknow, I've never found it in myself to rightly condemn that younger, equally forthright ToneLa

Why, looking back now, I almost seem heroic

[St_Eddie]

When I was at uni living oot in my second year and slightly less pleasant(!) this fat fella upstairs had loud, disgusting sex (he moaned more than she did) with his bird at the absolute worst times. Let it go on for a few months but it was getting ridiculous and I could hear every weak thrust and grunt and slap

So when I was drunk one night (can't narrow it down further) I took mop-based umbrage and banged on my ceiling with the non-mop end shouting shite along the lines of STOP FUCKING AT 4AM JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! DO IT IN THE DAY!! FUCK OFF!!

... I have, over the years, briefly wondered what kind of blissful, passionate romance I utterly destroyed judging from the ensuing permanent silence...

Deliverer of desolation.

[ToneLa]

Deliverer of desolation.

I'd say I feel bad but I'm sitting here chuckling like fuck

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

I've got earplugs but find them really hard to sleep in.

Well, it would be . You'd be better off with a bed.

[Icehaven]

It is a minefield isn't it? We recently got new upstairs neighbours, and the guy in the room above mine is a virile young Polish lad who always seems to be either playing drum n' bass or shagging. During the former, the bass resonates through the ceiling, and with the latter, my entire bedroom shakes with each thrust - not ideal given that both generally take place between midnight-4am on weeknights.

I don't think he's doing either at an unreasonable volume though, it's just an unfortunately flimsy building with no carpets. I've got earplugs but find them really hard to sleep in.

How do you bring that up? 'Hi, I live downstairs, err yeah so I know we've never properly met before but I was thinking maybe you could mix it up in the old bedroom department now and then, slip her one in the shower or something?'

Quite. It's only bitter experience that's taught me it's one of the most important things to think about because potential noise isn't immediately apparent when you view a flat for, what, 20 minutes or so. I've been accused of fussiness a few times by whoever I'm living with but I don't think it's particularly fussy to willingly avoid a living situation I know I'd find completely unbearable. I'm not bothered about most other things, don't need much space, don't care about décor, layout, gardens, parking etc. Just spare me the muffled racket of others. 

[Wet Blanket]

I tend towards the tolerant when it comes to neighbourly noisiness. My downstairs neighbours crank up their TV surround sound on the weekend sometimes, but what the Hell, it's the weekend. I'm not bothered. They also seem to do a lot of drilling.

I think I'd rather have averagely noisy neighbours who don't mind my own transgressions in this area than ones driving themselves mad at my every footstep. I had a neighbour who'd smash fuck out of his drums every night that I did shop into the landlord; that was taking the piss.

Inconsiderate parking is more likely to send my blood to the boil. 

[Replies From View]

I was knackered after a housemate had his then girlfriend over for the nth night on the trot. Don't do what I did and say 'I don't mind the shagging because at least that's going to be over in a while, it's hearing you natter to her all night through the walls that's keeping me awake'.

I want to know why saying that would be so bad.