Author Topic: tortoise died  (Read 2371 times)

Kelvin

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #30 on: March 11, 2019, 09:37:32 PM »
Can you make a funny Mario Kart parody with his remains?

Re: tortoise died
« Reply #31 on: March 11, 2019, 09:37:41 PM »
If you want to watch a film to take your mind off it, my advice is to steer away from Cannibal Holocaust
good advice regarding any bereavement

ZoyzaSorris

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #32 on: March 11, 2019, 09:59:04 PM »
Some of the few genuine good guys. My condolences.

Bleeding Kansas

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #33 on: March 11, 2019, 10:10:14 PM »
Had the pleasure of meeting Madhair's tortoise at a charity do once. He was surprisingly down to earth, and VERY funny.

PlanktonSideburns

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #34 on: March 11, 2019, 10:18:12 PM »
I am DELIGHTED your tortoise is dead

Re: tortoise died
« Reply #35 on: March 11, 2019, 10:18:23 PM »
Rip Donatello

St_Eddie

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #36 on: March 11, 2019, 10:27:14 PM »
You can always watch One Foot in the Grave if you want to reminisce.

Or The League of Gentlemen.

alan nagsworth

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #37 on: March 11, 2019, 10:30:39 PM »
Even if your tortoise was a complete bellend there's no chance he could have been any more of a bellend than Tiptup from Diddy Kong Racing. He at least has that going for him.

Oh hang on, Tiptup was a turtle. Now I'm afraid there's no way I couldn't guarantee your tortoise wasn't the biggest bellend of them all. I'm very sorry.

Buelligan

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #38 on: March 11, 2019, 10:31:09 PM »
I am sad to hear that your old hairless friend has gone to live on a nice farm, maddo.  Why must He always take the good ones first?

Re: tortoise died
« Reply #39 on: March 11, 2019, 10:38:39 PM »
His wrinkly, crinkly body had seen better days, but given half a chance he'd still misbehave.

Anyway he's dead now.

Condolences to madhair60 and RIP tortoise.

Re: tortoise died
« Reply #40 on: March 11, 2019, 10:42:21 PM »
My tortoise didn't die. He just escaped from his shell

Mr_Simnock

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #41 on: March 11, 2019, 10:54:16 PM »
I am sad to hear that your hairless friend has gone to live on a nice farm, maddo.  Why must He always take the good ones first?

I think you have mistook Madhair for Michael Jackson

Dex Sawash

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #42 on: March 11, 2019, 11:01:23 PM »



im barry bethel

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #43 on: March 11, 2019, 11:07:30 PM »
So sad but at least you now know that tortoises can't swim after all

Buelligan

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #44 on: March 11, 2019, 11:10:45 PM »
I think you have mistook Madhair for Michael Jackson

Cher's not dead though.

Twed

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #45 on: March 11, 2019, 11:17:14 PM »
I am sad to hear that your old hairless friend has gone to live on a nice farm, maddo[/b
I thought biggy lived in Wolverhampton or something

Glebe

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #46 on: March 12, 2019, 12:36:15 AM »
Sorry about that, MadH. Love and that.

Uncle TechTip

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #47 on: March 12, 2019, 12:57:36 AM »
Did it take several minutes to actually confirm it? My sympathy.

Fry

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #48 on: March 12, 2019, 01:39:21 AM »
When I was a kid my neighbour had a tortoise. It used to try to shag her plant pots, then slip off and fall on to his back. I was forever jumping the fence to save the horny little fucker. Then his owner got dementia and started putting poo in sweet wrappers. She used to give me loads of old Beano annuals, I think they used to belong to her son or grandson or something,

Anyway dont start being weird with poo madhair.

Cerys

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #49 on: March 12, 2019, 02:29:26 AM »
TESTUDO!

RIP.  I'm sorry for your loss.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #50 on: March 12, 2019, 02:34:47 AM »
Turtle is North American for tortoise. The word “tortoise” doesn’t fly here. All those people suggesting things then saying “oh no actually that was a turtle” - it wasn’t mate, it was a tortoise but just referred to as a turtle.

Happy to clear that up.

Paul Calf

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #51 on: March 12, 2019, 06:59:49 AM »
Turtle is North American for tortoise. The word “tortoise” doesn’t fly here. All those people suggesting things then saying “oh no actually that was a turtle” - it wasn’t mate, it was a tortoise but just referred to as a turtle.

Happy to clear that up.

Racist.

canadagoose

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #52 on: March 12, 2019, 07:08:41 AM »
Sorry to hear about your little tortoise, madhair. He seems to have had a nice, long life.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #53 on: March 12, 2019, 08:37:04 AM »
The Russians have the same word (sounds like "cherrypacker") for the tortoise *and* the turtle, not distinguishing between the two creatures at all.
The Russians really are a bunch of stupid cunts. Fit birds, mind you.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #54 on: March 12, 2019, 08:47:17 AM »
Racist.

Insert <hare (vs tortoise) ‘race-ist’ joke> here

Blinder Data

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #55 on: March 12, 2019, 10:52:14 AM »
This has reminded me that my mum told me when I was a kid that everybody used to have tortoises but then they made it illegal to have one, and I've just thought of that, and clearly everybody didn't used to have one and it's not illegal to get one. I didn't even want a tortoise. Why, mum.

RIP.

TBF your mum was kind of right - they've toughened the laws on buying/selling them which has seen their numbers decrease.

https://www.pets4homes.co.uk/pet-advice/the-legal-implications-of-tortoise-ownership.html

People often just give them away for free instead.

I've always fancied a tortoise. Fucks off for half the year. Leave it in my will. Would prefer one that doesn't try to bite me at every opportunity though.

Sorry for your loss, madhair

Blue Jam

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #56 on: March 12, 2019, 11:02:16 AM »
What was your cunt tortoise's name, madhair? Sorry for your loss, tortoises are ace.

Spoon of Ploff

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #57 on: March 12, 2019, 11:06:59 AM »
and now
  abideth faith,
hope, love... these three

but
the greatest of these
is Tortoise.

Re: tortoise died
« Reply #58 on: March 12, 2019, 11:08:31 AM »
The real tragedy in this thread is that no one, NO-ONE, by which I mean not one of you, has even acknowledged my excellent Millions Now Living Will Never Die reference.  Jesus wept.

Spoon of Ploff

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Re: tortoise died
« Reply #59 on: March 12, 2019, 11:13:46 AM »
The real tragedy in this thread is that no one, NO-ONE, by which I mean not one of you, has even acknowledged my excellent Millions Now Living Will Never Die reference.  Jesus wept.

Standards... have certainly dropped recently.