tortoise died

[Cloud]

Sorry for your loss.  We do get very attached to our pets, even the ones that get described as "only" (bloody hurts when the hamsters go, and they only live a couple of years)
They become a part of the family
RIP

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

The real tragedy in this thread is that no one, NO-ONE, by which I mean not one of you, has even acknowledged my excellent Millions Now Living Will Never Die reference.  Jesus wept.

Well, I almost always get your references; and almost always is nearly enough.

[St_Eddie]

Sorry for your loss.  We do get very attached to our pets, even the ones that get described as "only" (bloody hurts when the hamsters go, and they only live a couple of years)
They become a part of the family
RIP

I fully agree with this.  It always bothers me when the death of a beloved pet gets treated flippantly by others.  I still miss my cat, Moose Pig, profoundly.  I don't know, perhaps it's different for some people, but a pet is absolutely a part of the family to me.

I've always fancied a tortoise.

I bet you fucking have, you dirty old bollocks.

[paruses]

I have a tortoise. God knows how old he is. And he's a she. They don't do much but I will miss him when he is gone. Will likely outlive me.

Sorry to hear about yours madhair. Haven't read the rest of the thread yet but imagine it is full of support for you.

[Ambient Sheep]

As somebody who, as some of you may remember, spent five years in the early 2000s hanging out with a woman who ran a small tortoise rescue & breeding centre in her back garden, I got to know quite a lot about the wee beasties and grew very fond of them.  It was always so sad when any of them went.  So big hugs to you, madhair60.  As has been asked, what was his name?

[Ambient Sheep]

The real tragedy in this thread is that no one, NO-ONE, by which I mean not one of you, has even acknowledged my excellent Millions Now Living Will Never Die reference.

Speaking as someone who was brought up amongst some JWs, I certainly smirked when I saw it last night but I wasn't in a position to be typing replies then.

If you'd waited just a few more hours, you'd've got your validation. :-)


Ironically, it's kinda grimly relevant, given:

TBF your mum was kind of right - they've toughened the laws on buying/selling them which has seen their numbers decrease.

https://www.pets4homes.co.uk/pet-advice/the-legal-implications-of-tortoise-ownership.html

Indeed, and a lot of the reason for that is Blue Fucking Peter.  Never mention their name to any tortoise expert, especially older ones.  The 1960s/70s Blue Peter tortoise killed more than the mind can comfortably conceive.

It sparked a craze that resulted in millions of Mediterranean tortoises being uprooted from their native habitats and shipped over here by dodgy dealers to be kept in overly cold conditions and, worst of all, given entirely the wrong hibernation advice by the nation's (allegedly) favourite children's TV show.

Of approximately two million tortoises imported over those years, 9 out of 10 died.

So yeah, more like Millions Then Living Were Rapidly Dead.

Thanks, Biddy Baxter!

[holyzombiejesus]

My aunty Carol had a tortoise and it dies so she buried it n the garden and planted some pretty bulbs over it. Then, in the spring, the pretty flowers started moving and the tortoise dug it's way out of the earth. When it 'died', it had only been hibernating and was now awake. At least that's what my aunty Carol told my mum. My aunty Carol was a bit of a liar though (and she had an affair with the physio at Stafford Rangers).

[Ambient Sheep]

Nope, that's entirely plausible, and she wouldn't be the first person that happened to.

Burrowing into earth is actually how they naturally hibernate...

[gib]

It sparked a craze that resulted in millions of Mediterranean tortoises being uprooted from their native habitats and shipped over here by dodgy dealers to be kept in overly cold conditions and, worst of all, given entirely the wrong hibernation advice by the nation's (allegedly) favourite children's TV show.

Don't forget to paint its name on the shell using lead based 1970s paint.

[McFlymo]

The real tragedy in this thread is that no one, NO-ONE, by which I mean not one of you, has even acknowledged my excellent Millions Now Living Will Never Die reference.  Jesus wept.

Already beaten to it, several times, but they should all be swung from the gutters....

Sorry about your tortoise madhair, if you're going to bury it, maybe give it a little snorkle.

[Ambient Sheep]

Don't forget to paint its name on the shell using lead based 1970s paint.

But of course!

[Ambient Sheep]

Sorry about your tortoise madhair, if you're going to bury it, maybe give it a little snorkle.

No snorkel required, but do make sure that the earth is nice, soft and diggable, as hzj's Aunt's flower bed probably was.


My ex- had a couple of dog kennel type constructions which every year we'd fill with that soft soil you can buy from the garden centre in huge flat sacks.  We'd then take the roofs off (they just lifted off) and put her sleepy tortoises on top of the soil.

What happened next was amazing... they'd suddenly perk up then literally swim down into the soil, burying themselves rapidly.  You could get four to six into each kennel dependent on size.  We'd then pop the lids back on until early spring.

Once the weather started to warm up we'd lift up the lids every few days.  As each tortoise surfaced of its own accord it would be brought indoors and well fed for a few days before being released to the garden for the summer.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

My aunty Carol had a tortoise and it dies so she buried it n the garden and planted some pretty bulbs over it. Then, in the spring, the pretty flowers started moving and the tortoise dug it's way out of the earth. When it 'died', it had only been hibernating and was now awake. At least that's what my aunty Carol told my mum. My aunty Carol was a bit of a liar though (and she had an affair with the physio at Stafford Rangers).

Are these Half Man Half Biscuit lyrics?

[Brian Freeze]

I'm enjoying the tortoise info, especially about them digging themselves into GrowBags to hibernate. Shame it took a death to bring information out.

I've got three tiny tortoise snippets to add.

I was told that I was getting an old ladies tortoise after she died. Never happened and I didn't fancy kicking up a fuss about it.

Mum had one as a girl and she outlived it so buried it in the veg patch to rot away and dig up the shell after a few years for a souvenir. They never found it. Or a fox did first.

One was blamed for breaking our video player. It was on the floor under the telly and the story goes that the tortoise we were looking after stuck it's head in the flap and knackered something. Bit dubious about this to be honest but it's the tale that gets told.

[madhair60]

The tortoise's name was Tinker. I did not name him, my mum did, in 1956. He was there every single day that I have been alive until Monday afternoon. I have to put him a box and bury him and I do not want to in case he is somehow okay, even though he is dead. He should not be in a box.

[Darles Chickens]

Friend of mine had a tortoise called Lolita who got frozen into a block of ice.  She only wanted a swim and a drink.  She came back to life after being left to defrost next to a heater.

[Gregory Torso]

Tortoise Death, don't cry any more
Buried there, underneath the floor
You might be sleeping, do tortoises snore?

Tortoise Death, might as well be a shoe
A shoe that we stuffed lettuce in
Tortoise Death, go in the bin

O Tortoise Death, go breathe your breaths
Tippexed on your little shell:
"Useless, grumpy and now dead as well"

Tortoise Death, your words are true
Tortoise Death, I do thank you
For walking around in the garden a bit, sometimes.

[chveik]

RIP tortoise

I shall play the Big Tortoise Fanfare in his memory
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wJuXjPkX-k

[Gregory Torso]

My pal the tortoise, how fast does he go?
Oh man, he goes like crazy
What about the cut of his jib?
I think it's the finest cut you'll ever find
What does he file at the hall of records?
A proclamation of tortoise intent

Does he live the life of a madman?
Yes he lives the life of a madman

What falls to his mouth from trees above?
Hot tarts swinging under painted umbrellas
My pal the tortoise, his fortune is boundless
Who does he see on nights by the river?
All the stars he's ever admired
What does he find in the mud under rivers?
Sweet lumps of honey wrapped in golden gowns

Does he live the life of a madman?
Yes, he lives the life of a madman

What does he see when he's inside his shell?
A long dark bar filled with fishes drinking
A carousel filled with horses on man-backs
A blacktop road subdued by sand dune beauties

Does he live the life of a madman?
Yes, he lives the life of a madman

[Ambient Sheep]

I'm enjoying the tortoise info, especially about them digging themselves into GrowBags to hibernate. Shame it took a death to bring information out.

You just have to have been here long enough; I posted the stuff about hibernating themselves in soil and Blue Peter here many years ago.  Google can't find it though, so it was either pre-2004 (more than likely given I was tortoising from 2001-6) or it's lost in the weird retrospective-robots.txt black hole that makes a certain group of more recent posts impossible to find.

The tortoise's name was Tinker. I did not name him, my mum did, in 1956. He was there every single day that I have been alive until Monday afternoon.

Bless him, and bless you too.  He was probably at least 80 then, given they take about 15-20 years to get to full size.  That's not a bad age at all, even for a tortoise, and especially in the UK.

[St_Eddie]

He was probably at least 80 then, given they take about 15-20 years to get to full size.  That's not a bad age at all, even for a tortoise, and especially in the UK.

Tinker knew what time to call it a day.  Tinker knew about Brexit.  Tinker got out of life before the dark times begun and the streets ran red with blood.

[Replies From View]

The real tragedy in this thread is that no one, NO-ONE, by which I mean not one of you, has even acknowledged my excellent Millions Now Living Will Never Die reference.  Jesus wept.

Those little pink squashy wrestler things from the 80s?

I was more a fan of Monster in My Pocket.


Very tempting to discuss these things, but come on mate.  Give a moment to the tortoise.

[Buelligan]

The tortoise's name was Tinker. I did not name him, my mum did, in 1956. He was there every single day that I have been alive until Monday afternoon. I have to put him a box and bury him and I do not want to in case he is somehow okay, even though he is dead. He should not be in a box.

I truly am very sorry.  Maybe you should take him to the vets, to put your mind at rest.  Hugs maddo.

[madhair60]

I have done that. But it is still not right to put him in a box and bury the box.

[The Boston Crab]

No, no jokes. I edited it. If anyone makes a joke after my cats go I'll be disposing of my clothes and car in a fire.

[Brian Freeze]

Don't bother with the box Madhair, how about one of your t-shirts or something that.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Flush it down the bog, mate.

[phes]

The tortoise's name was Tinker. I did not name him, my mum did, in 1956. He was there every single day that I have been alive until Monday afternoon. I have to put him a box and bury him and I do not want to in case he is somehow okay, even though he is dead. He should not be in a box.

We have a family tortoise called tinker from the 1950s. I feel your grief and this briefly did throw me into a panic that you might be my uncle and our tinker might also be a tinkered

Robot Grief Tortoise?

[Jockice]

I had a tortoise when I was a kid. Jimmy he was called. Named after my sister's boyfriend when we got him. God knows how old he was but he only lasted around six years with us. He didn't hibernate either. Amateur.

[Buelligan]

I have done that. But it is still not right to put him in a box and bury the box.

I did that with my beloved cat last summer.  The ground was so hard I could hardly dig it but I did.  Put her under a plane tree on the mountain, on her blanket, with her ball, on a bed of roses and wildflowers.  Rolled a boulder the size of a large telly over the top (nearly killed me) and it broke my heart.  It doesn't seem right but sometimes there's nothing right to be done and we just have to do what we can and live with that. xxx