Author Topic: Lazy Susan.  (Read 1190 times)

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #60 on: March 15, 2019, 12:07:43 PM »
It was the best of times; it was the worst …

'Sorry, I've had enough. Can you give me the tl;dr?'

Glebe

  • Cheers, thanks mate, nice one.
Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #61 on: March 15, 2019, 12:10:40 PM »
"Now it's very important you read the small print before signing this contract, Suzan, it-"

*scrawls illegibly on the dotted line*

Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #62 on: March 15, 2019, 12:21:50 PM »
Lazy Susan considers getting into a relationship with a 'feeder'.

Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #63 on: March 15, 2019, 12:50:39 PM »
Lazy Susan's cat does a shit on the carpet so she goes back to live with her parents.

ToneLa

  • Kill your masters
Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #64 on: March 15, 2019, 12:52:03 PM »
Lazy Susan follows through. But the bog is upstairs.

Good job the curtains are within reach of the couch she's on!

Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #65 on: March 15, 2019, 02:00:00 PM »
Lazy Susan insists on serving underarm in her weekly tennis game, making the whole thing a very low-impact affair.


pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #66 on: March 15, 2019, 02:08:36 PM »
Lazy Susan employs a temp to set up a Tinder account and swipe left on everybody for 3 hours a day.

Prison Biscuits

  • a loaf of milk
Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #67 on: March 15, 2019, 03:15:50 PM »
Lazy Susan is a hermaphrodite but can’t even be bothered to fuck herself.

Replies From View

  • Rubbing linseed oil into the school cormorant.
  • Golden Member
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  • Gargoyles have milk bags.
Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #68 on: March 15, 2019, 05:50:30 PM »
Lazy Susan always makes important life-choices by doing a 'best out of nothing' coin tossing routine and immediately falling asleep with zero thoughts or plans.

Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #69 on: March 15, 2019, 06:12:07 PM »
Lazy Susan couldnt be arsed to put on the brakes so she drove her car off a cliff.

Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #70 on: March 15, 2019, 06:17:15 PM »
Lazy Susan's Dad killed himself when she was 21. Well, she thinks he did. She really must look it up at some point.

ToneLa

  • Kill your masters
Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #71 on: March 15, 2019, 06:38:15 PM »
Susan looks at the kids and thinks aboot fucking off for a packet of fags. Just, get out that door and run. Find a new life, new people, escape forever -

She slouches deeper into her chair and pulls the little lever thing for the footrest. Fuck it. They're getting older all the time and they seem to eat and wipe alright

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

  • ...to stab you with!
Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #72 on: March 15, 2019, 06:41:19 PM »
Lazy Susan needs to do something, but doesn't do it ( because she is lazy ).

ToneLa

  • Kill your masters
Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #73 on: March 15, 2019, 06:57:54 PM »
Lazy Susan bombs a load of speed in a Rizla and falls asleep

Replies From View

  • Rubbing linseed oil into the school cormorant.
  • Golden Member
  • *****
  • Gargoyles have milk bags.
Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #74 on: March 15, 2019, 07:18:30 PM »
Lazy Susan has hired a temp to suck the shit out of her arse so she doesn't need to bother pushing.

Glebe

  • Cheers, thanks mate, nice one.
Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #75 on: March 15, 2019, 08:03:38 PM »
Lazy Susan eats an actual packet of fish fingers.

ToneLa

  • Kill your masters
Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #76 on: March 15, 2019, 08:04:48 PM »
Lazy Susan comes to this thread and instead of channeling Mitch Hedberg properly, convinces herself the joke she was going to post isn't funny anyway

seepage

  • throwing a dog at some goblins
Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #77 on: March 16, 2019, 01:28:54 AM »
Lazy Susan eats an actual packet of fish fingers.

The cardboard provides some much-needed nutrition

seepage

  • throwing a dog at some goblins
Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #78 on: March 16, 2019, 01:32:00 AM »
LS opens the My EE app by accident:

0 MB data used
0 texts sent
0 minutes used

Your £50 pack renews in 1 day

Glebe

  • Cheers, thanks mate, nice one.
Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #79 on: March 16, 2019, 12:54:49 PM »
"Susan, have you sorted out the Dodd tax thing yet?"

Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #80 on: March 17, 2019, 09:45:48 PM »
Lazy Susan refuses to press the ionizer button on her standing fan, she's not even remotely curious about it.


Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #81 on: March 17, 2019, 09:52:00 PM »
Lazy Susan decides that all future toileting will be conducted out of her mouth.

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #82 on: March 18, 2019, 12:19:23 AM »
Lazy Susan summons up the courage to wander into the kitchen in search of a spoon, after she comes to the conclusion that the blind have it easier than her.

Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #83 on: March 18, 2019, 09:57:10 AM »
Lazy Susan enquires whether you can get a tattoo Deliveroo'd.

Glebe

  • Cheers, thanks mate, nice one.
Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #84 on: March 18, 2019, 10:57:50 AM »
Susan allows a car pile-up to happen, because she can't be bothered to drive properly like a man.

Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #85 on: March 18, 2019, 11:43:09 AM »
Lazy Susan sends the Stannah salesman away after he explains to her that she'd have to "get on".

Glebe

  • Cheers, thanks mate, nice one.
Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #86 on: March 18, 2019, 11:54:42 AM »
"Susan, can you take the dog for a walk?"

"Righto." *throws dog out window*

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #87 on: March 18, 2019, 12:16:05 PM »
Susan's kitchen is awash with half-opened take-away containers.

Dex Sawash

  • Silver Member
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  • Upphängningspunkterna
Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #88 on: March 18, 2019, 08:51:33 PM »
Dex Sawash lazy susan rarely sits because getting up is a chore

Glebe

  • Cheers, thanks mate, nice one.
Re: Lazy Susan.
« Reply #89 on: March 20, 2019, 02:04:03 AM »
Lazy Susan pretends that she isn't homophobic because she can't be bothered justifying her bigotry.