MATTER OF FACT ROCK PROFILE

[Huxleys Babkins]

THEAKSTON: I'm here at the home of the rock legend, charity impresario and breakfast TV mogul Bob Geldof.

WALLIAMS AS GELDOF: *speaking with a Yorkshire accent* How do! That's right, it's me, Bob Geldof. I don't like Monday!

THEAKSTON: That's fantastic. So what have you been up to recently?

WALLIAMS AS GELDOF: Having gay sex.

THEAKSTON: How hilariously subversive.

LUCAS AS PAULA YATES, BUT WITH A BEARD FOR SOME REASON: *shouting from a bed across the room* HUTCHENCE'S COCK UP MY BOUDOIR!

THEAKSTON: I thought she was dead.

WALLIAMS AS GELDOF: Oh, she is. We needed another character to pad this episode out and we didn't want to resort to... You know who...

PAUL PUTNER AS CHRIS EVANS: Wac-a-day, Wac-a-day, Wac-a-day!

WALLIAMS AS GELDOF: Right, this is the bit where we all get off with each other. We have to do it, it's hilariously subversive.

LUCAS AS PAULA YATES, BUT WITH A BEARD FOR SOME REASON: *shouting from inside a wardrobe* I CALLED MY DAUGHTER DISCO BISCUIT!

*CREDITS*