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March 28, 2024, 08:59:26 AM

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Hippy Bullshit

Started by ToneLa, March 15, 2019, 11:26:34 PM

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ToneLa

Yir joab invites ye to a "find out who you are" retreat in Milton Keynes to centre yirsel.

ToneLa

You do the Myers-Briggs and believe it

That's it.

ToneLa

You get stoned and listen to the Who's "Tommy" and don't immediately kick off at the fact it's fuckin shite from a nonce and pals

ToneLa

You have a favourite philosopher, and mention it the next time ye sign oan.

ToneLa

Your parents snuff it and a loat of energy, in the form of moolah, flows tae ye

ToneLa

You stay up late high worrying aboot yir, hehe, as if, soul.

ToneLa

Yir an aulder bird who wears a dress wi a flooir print oan and ye think this somehow reconnects ye to yir youth which, like yir adult years, is fuckin wasted oan mawkish shit like flooir dresses. THITS WHY YE NIVIR GOAT A RIDE

ToneLa

You've actually spent a fucking nanosecond of yir puff listening to the fucking Grateful Deid

ToneLa

Ye quit yer joab and volunteer in a food bank because that's where the need is

(SPOILER: you end up usin the food bank yir fuckin self)

ToneLa

yer oot yir box smokin hash n the occasional honk ay salvia watchin that "Alvin n the Chipmunks" n ye trip seein them as ambassadors from the animal wurld to fuckin the whole of mankind

ToneLa

Ye worry aboot yir chi and yir no takin the pish

See also: Chakras

ToneLa

You'd dae Cally from Peep Show no jist because she's actually fit but yir intae them crystal skulls yirsel ye foureyed sanctimonious Redditch twat

Shoulders?-Stomach!


ToneLa

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 15, 2019, 11:36:20 PM
STATEMENT THREAD

The maist hippy thing of all, my brother from another lover's mother's brother's window-scrubber; the maist hippy thing of all.

ToneLa

Ye start a thraid on that internet to reach oot tae all the souls who may be listenin; and yir only reply is some cunt wi a joab telling ye in ALL CAPS thit yir FAKE

n he's right, eh folks?

ToneLa

Yir wonder aboot the You in a parellel universe; perhaps he's goat loads of mates; perhaps he's foond himsel, or perhaps, as you secretly massively prefer, he's just plain any good at mixin fuckin dubstep

ToneLa

Yir gentle, warm-hearted satire gets loast oan the wider world: wouldn't it just, hen. Worry not. The cosmos knows how ye feel.

Mebbe cause yir fuckin oaf yir face ye identify with fuckin Jupiter mair than these cunts whae just slam every fuckin disagreement yir way.

But don't worry pal. Don't worry. Ye shouldn't worry.

Not sayin yir right or owt, just dinnae bother worryin aboot it

ToneLa

Ye pen a children's book, aboot perhaps some kind of fuckin magic vehicle - yes, that's it; choo fuckin choo, just the ticket!

An you actually draw the fuckin thing oot. N it's no bad at aw, cunt thit ye are.

And what's this? Cheque in post. Fully revved! Published, the loat!

Ye reach worldwide fame. Yuv reached countless sprogs n that.

Problem wi all that is yir a fuckin minor royal and can get to fuck yir ginger hing-oot

ToneLa

Ye pick up yir fuckin horoscope. That Russell Grant is so fuckin fulla shit.

ARIES: You'll keep that chip on your shoulder all your life; it's not the world you should be blaming but your inadequacy in living up to the image you have created for yourself; and very soon, you'll learn to confront that in a way the stars absolutely do not recommend.

He's talkin shite aboot ye so yir find him and nut the cunt.

ToneLa

You believe, as in fully, stocks shares n property the loat, "value", excuse me while I stifle my fuckin guffaws, fully fuckin buy into - and I'm stifling my mocking laughter here, you're fucked, totally fucked - believe in "the economy", officer

gib

let's co-create a journey to success

ToneLa

Every time ye sneeze, you expel thousands of tiny microbes in some bizarre hoodoo ritual ye jist cannae shake

ToneLa

Quote from: gib on March 15, 2019, 11:51:43 PM
let's co-create a journey to success

Well up for this son, but could you go first? Jist handle the fact-finding, the production, and the packaging.

I'll gladly take ownership once completed.

We could call it synergy!

ToneLa

Ye huv tae find a burd, fall in love, get mairried, live a meaningful live thegither, raise kids who you loosely educate in yir views, but no too much; slog through life, givin it awl, every fuckin moment. Bein present, just being there, man, fucking... effort, the effort, providing the prescence that defines so many from yir ain generation by their faither's absences; ye hear the same cries the absent ones ran tae; but ye stay. You resist temptation - you keep it all goin; yir ship, it's righted, you keep it righted; ye try, ye grow auld wi respect from yir neighbours and friends, and ye do everything you dream of, respecting yir own fuckin limits all the way so as to not arise some dirty fuckin clinginess to an altogether transitory world.

And all of it, jist fur two reasons: 1) to feel something every moment and 2) it all has an intrinsic worth beyond the how it all looks on paiper.

As heid of yir current employer's HR department ah think yir fuckin loopy pal.

gib

Quote from: ToneLa on March 15, 2019, 11:54:46 PM
Well up for this son, but could you go first? Jist handle the fact-finding, the production, and the packaging.

I'll gladly take ownership once completed.

We could call it synergy!

that's a really good team name, assuming no serious rival team emerges then this should be a walk in the park

ToneLa

Quote from: gib on March 16, 2019, 12:00:17 AM
that's a really good team name, assuming no serious rival team emerges then this should be a walk in the park

Tell ye what, if some other team of hippy cunts come up wi that exact, precisely formatted team-name in this grotty, strange pub quiz I'm sure wi will ace, I'll be surprised!

I'm ootstrippin the loat; and yir oan the bandwagon pal.

Tangible victory. Not like those hippy cunts but.

The maist posts in HS Art the night. What sweeter prize?

ToneLa

Ye pick yir last cans of K cider from the fridge.
A complete affectation thit ye hate; ye drink it cause it's cheap and yir skint, but because society his failed ye and jokin cunts huv ruined smack for ye.
You think aboot yir K.
The only friend who husn't abandoned ye yet.
The only friend who won't be dead by 2087.
Sleep tight mates in yir non-K saturated beds!

ToneLa

You smoke a joss stick.

ToneLa

Yir so desperate, so needy to see a ghoast that ye huv completely failed tae ascertain that several watch ye from under yir bed.

chveik

your nervous breakdown sounds better than mine.