Times You Couldn't Make It Up

[SteveDave]

Walking down Womanby Road in Cardiff in (around) 1996 from the Castle end toward the Dog And Duck pub (that's no longer there) my friends and I saw a dog. One of us said: "Wouldn't it be funny if we saw a..." then a duck appeared waddling along the road. We all stopped and stared for a while and then went to the City Arms instead. I don't think we ever spoke of it again.

New page Quack

[Icehaven]

On the way back from somewhere else once we stopped off at a castle that appeared to be staffed entirely by a cat and a hen. The entrance gate was a wooden hut but it was empty, and there was just a hen strutting about outside, so we waited a few minutes before saying 'hello?' a few times, at which point a cat appeared and sat at our feet looking up at us. Then we realised it was closing in about an hour anyway so there wasn't much point in going in, so we left, the cat and hen watching us retreat. Didn't see a person at all.

[Sebastian Cobb]

When I had to ghostwrite a Daily Mail article for Richard Littlejohn.

[Ham Bap]

When I had to ghostwrite a Daily Mail article for Richard Littlejohn.

And was he a ghost?

[castro diaz]

Thank you all for your kind words.  And from the verbwhore Mount Rushmore, no less.

I liked the diaz post except for the last sentence which made me ... well ... vom, if you must know.

The other week I was holding my daughter aloft and staring up into her crystalline eyes, wondering exactly how I will disappoint her and when,  only for her to vomit warm, undigested breastmilk directly into my open mouth.  And the worst thing was I didn't even mind. 

You have probably had breastmilk served to you as an entrée, I shouldn't wonder, used as a roux base for a warchild's ear, eaten at a morally perverted gourmand night in one of your clandestine, elitist societies where you fuck objects.

[Clownbaby]

Found a fiver on the floor 3 weeks ago. Found a tenner on the floor 2 weeks ago. Lost £15 worth of groceries when I stupidly forgot to pick up my bag in town, 1 week ago.

[pancreas]

You have probably had breastmilk served to you as an entrée, I shouldn't wonder, used as a roux base for a warchild's ear, eaten at a morally perverted gourmand night in one of your clandestine, elitist societies where you fuck objects.

Funnily enough, it's just while sitting around a large oak table after a dinner of breastmilk and ears, with each member thrusting his knob into a Fabergé egg, when you turn to each other and say: 'You literally couldn't make this up, now, could you?'

Well, it turns out you can.